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I know that I complain a lot, which is
the reason I’ve tried to keep quiet recently. But something happened on
Wednesday that bears complaining about. You see, on that day, the
Federal Executive Council approved the sum of N972 600 000 for the
purchase of 60 000 waste bins from the United Kingdom. The purpose of
the importation of these waste bins is to ‘maintain a clean environment
in Abuja’.

This bumper purchase was made known to
the nation by Dora Akunyili, our formerly loveable Information
Minister. In all honesty, were I Aunty Dora, I’d rather have resigned
than make that announcement to Nigerians! But then again, there is this
little problem of the divide between Nigeria’s elite and the rest of
us, so in Aunty Dora’s defence, it is more than likely that she thinks
she’s doing us a favour by purchasing those bins from Jand at those
prices.

The very first question that arises
here is why does the FEC, the Nigerian Cabinet (!) have to get involved
in something as mundane as the purchase of rubbish bins? Are we a
Banana Republic (no, we are a Plantain Republic)? What is the point of
having an Abuja Municipal Council if Aso Rock keeps butting into their
business?

The next question that arises, and
probably the scariest one is why our own dearly beloved FG is taking
such a large sum out of our own purse and transferring it to Britain.
For the sake of clarity, I admit that Nigerian artisans are not the
best (that is an argument for another day), but for crying out loud, it
cannot possibly be so difficult to manufacture a dustbin! Okay, okay,
okay, the British variety have wheels on them, but hang on, wheels
aren’t difficult to make either!

The third question, which is closely
related to the second, is that ofemployment. I know that assumption is
the mother of all … (insert expletive here), but at the end of the
day, it is safe to assume that if a huge government contract comes to a
Nigerian company for the provision of 60 000 waste-bins, many of our
teeming youth, like the kind I saw playing snooker at Ikeja this
morning, would be taken off of the streets and made to do something
productive. Instead our Cabinet would rather take this opportunity and
give it to the jobless in Britain?

Then there is the question of cost…
It so happens that not too long ago, I in fact, bought a waste-bin. I
bought it at Ojuelegba. I bought it for the cost of N800. Now, it is
perfectly possible that given where I bought it, and the fact that I
haggled for 30 minutes before parting with my cash, that I bought it
cheap. So, let us assume that being that it is a government contract,
the purchaser would pay the first price, no questions asked. Let us
assume that that first price is double the N800 that I paid for my bin
that is N1600. Then let us assume that since ‘some other people must
eat’, that the bins would be quoted at double the asking price, which
is N3200. Now let multiply that new price by 60 000 units. The total
sum for all those bins given these variables would be N192, 000, 000!

There, you see, I’ve just saved the
Nigerian tax-payer almost N800million, and added to that, I’ve created
jobs for some of our unemployed youth…