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I’m
convinced that there’s something about the gutters of Lagos that calls to us.
Some, more than others I hasten to add! It must be the black, murky depths. The
fact is that the water looks (and is!) black and usually caked with oodles of
sand, or what looks like it. Maybe, the constant whiff of the quintessential
gutter odours adds to the mystery.

Some
gutters are narrow, wide, new (state-of-the-art engineering feats), old,
broken, can be easily stepped over; others require the hop, step and jump
technique of the triple jump! They surround us on all sides; in fact in some
areas of the Centre of Excellence, they are
known to run right through some homes!

The
feature that almost all these tributaries have in common (new ones haven’t
acquired it yet) is the odious, choking, pungent, ammonia-like fumes that rise
up to unclog blocked nostrils. This distinct smell doesn’t change, but
undergoes alterations in dilution as you come across various gutters. In some
places, more than others this distinct smell of human waste is the major
ingredient of this watery solution. Of all its characteristics, this is what I
think calls to us the strongest. How else does one explain this activity, that
people (seem) to delight in doing within its vicinity? For those that think
it’s the usual gentlemanly pastime, I’m sorry to disappoint you!

In
journeys about the city and even nearer home, the act of personal oral hygiene
is one that consistently takes place over the humble vestibules that collect
wastewater around the city. The bracing stench that arises from them does
wonders for the teeth and the individuals involved; else why else would many
people choose this as the place to do what the dentist recommends. One would
have thought that the sinks provided in their bathrooms would be more
appropriate. Where their absence is
regrettable, it calls into question the structures that are passed off as
accommodation in the city. The crazy rent demanded for them is topic for
another day!!

Understandably,
if a face-me-I-face-you is the current abode, then the less time spent in the
communal bathroom the better and so brushing before the usual ablution is
called for. So maybe this set of tenants could be excused, but why they’d still
choose the gutter is still highly questionable. The fact that some of these
gutters face the full glare of the public is not a deterrent; again that it
also seems to be the only place this function can be carried out is still
questionable.

Nearer
home, another open air demonstration is worthy of raised brows. For a fact, a
self-contained room is endowed with the modern conveniences and so it is a
mystery why the outdoor option is still preferred! Having more than one person
live there, two, maybe even three is still not a good enough reason.

Could
it be the freedom of splashing froth coloured water unto the ground? Maybe
seeing it dissolve, as it hits the black waters of the gutter is a sport in
itself? The companionship of other fellow open-air enthusiasts may also be
another pull. The hacking noises emanating from throats, as some attempt to
extract their tonsils sans anaesthesia maybe another clue. The very act of
spitting out the contents of the mouth and watching its aerial display could be
an appeal lost on unwilling spectators.

Whatever the explanation,
this early morning, outdoor sport will continue as the adherents heed the call
of the gutters that beckon them to cleanse their dentition. The gutters will
continue to act as the receptacles for the oral gene activities that bedevil
the human populace of our great metrop

It is an
extraordinary development that today, the North, or its so-called
leaders are the ones insisting that it is the turn of the region to
produce the president. The question is, which North? North as a viable,
coherent geo-political entity, or one where a few individuals usurp
power and resources to the exclusion of the majority who wallow in
poverty and illiteracy?

In 1955, the
Western Region introduced free education. Today, the products of that
policy and their offspring dominate education, the civil service,
business, financial services, medicine, law and a host of other
professions in Nigeria and beyond. Today, which of the region’s 19
states has a free education policy?

Today, a single
state in the South has more school enrolments than an entire
geo-political zone in the North. A primary school in Kaduna State
(Rafin-Pa) has 300 pupils who share two classes. A chalk line on the
floor serves as demarcation for the different classes. It has two
teachers, including the headmaster.

There are more
private universities in a state in the South than all federal, state
and private universities in a Northern zone. There is only one state
owned university of science and technology in the entire North. A
single university in the South graduates more students than several in
the North.

These examples from the education sector are symbolic of the problems with the North.

Fifty years ago,
the region was battling to catch up with the rest of the country.
Today, the gap is wider than ever. All economic indicators point to the
North as the poorest region in Nigeria.

Healthcare is not
any better. Most states in the South have more doctors than any zone in
the North. Recently, a volunteer group organised a medical caravan to
assist a small village with basic medical services, only to be
confronted with many patients requiring surgery and other more serious
medical attention from surrounding settlements. Government healthcare
has never reached the majority of people, so they die from preventable,
treatable diseases that should have been long eradicated.

Cholera, dysentery,
meningitis, polio and other preventable diseases are prevalent in the
region, which has stalled the elimination of polio from Africa. Bill
Gates had to spend $750 million to fight diseases in our backyards. Our
zoning champions would rather keep their dollars in Switzerland, Dubai,
Hong Kong and South Africa.

Agriculture, the
region’s great area of comparative advantage and mainstay of its
economy remains subsistence and dependent on the vagaries of weather.
This is in spite of the many dams and huge tracts of fertile land the
region possesses. The Sahara desert is inching downwards every year.
Entire settlements have been engulfed. Water sources are drying up
rapidly; deforestation is exposing millions of people to the elements
and making the region vulnerable to drought, flooding and other
environmental catastrophes.

Similarly, overuse
has reduced the fertility and productivity of many farmlands. Rapid
population expansion further puts pressure on existing resources, while
our armies of unemployed youth troop to towns and cities in search of
non-existing opportunities. Our zoning crusaders would rather compete
about who lives in a more expensive part of London, the French Riviera
or Dubai.

Of course, many
Northerners have worked and succeeded in many fields, but most of those
fighting for zoning are people who have served in one public position
or another and used their positions to divert public funds for personal
use.

Corruption is
central to the region’s poverty and maladministration. The stolen funds
are used to buy homes in Europe, America and the Middle East.

This state of mind
is not a prerogative of the Hausa/ Fulani/ Muslim elite. It cuts across
all ethnic groups and religions in the North. The thought process is
same: grab as much money as possible; open foreign bank accounts; buy
estates in Europe and America, with a stopover in Dubai. And never
forget to visit Mecca or Jerusalem every year to feign religiosity.

Zoning is an issue
the elite use to preserve their interests. Regardless of who is in
power, the majority of Northerners (regardless of ethnicity or
religion) have nothing to show. Our leaders systematically narrow the
economic and political space to the exclusion of the majority, while
illiteracy, poverty, unemployment, insecurity and ethno-religious
crises continue to tear the North apart.

On one hand, I wish the South presented a more inspired choice as
candidate for president. On the other, when the likes of Babangida,
Atiku and Gusau insist that the presidency is zoned to the North, you
wonder, which North? Either way, I do not see the president Nigeria
needs from this motley group.

Several months ago,
as a direct result of the seeming futility of constantly complaining
about the state of affairs in my dear nation, I swore off commenting on
Nigerian political affairs. I also decided that the celebration of
independence was not for me.

I made these
decisions based on my assessment of the Nigerian nation. Having looked
back at my own life and the achievements therein and discovered that
those failures that stared me in the face were not necessarily personal
failures, but the effects of the continuous propagation of governments
that place little faith in the accomplishments of its future leaders.

It would not do to
start recalling the myriad of ways that the leadership of the Nigerian
state has got it wrong over the years, as those instances have already
been documented and commented upon by better-informed people. However,
I think it would serve this commentary some measure of service if I
talk about why I decided to break my silence and again comment on the
Nigerian question.

I broke my silence
because of the audacity for violence, which seems to be the new mantra
of an organisation for which I used to harbour some form of sympathy.

As I write this,
the apology tendered by the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger
Delta (MEND) is circulating in the media. I do not much care for the
fact that MEND’S belated apology casts doubt on the efficiency of our
security forces as presently constituted, especially as the
announcement by MEND effectively counters President Goodluck Jonathan’s
assertion that the bomb blast that caused the death of several
Nigerians and cast a dark pall over the independence day celebrations,
was not of MEND’S doing.

I agree with those
who want to give the president the benefit of doubt and read between
the lines of what many called his defence of a violent organisation
that claims to represent his home region.

I base my argument
on common sense, especially since the deaths of fellow Nigerians would
serve the organisation little. A bomb exploding away from their home
region, at a time when they can be said to have control of the Nigerian
state through the office of the president, is nothing short of shooting
themselves in the foot.

As it stands now,
by attacking Abuja and killing innocent Nigerians who have nothing to
do with the situation that the Niger Delta found itself in, MEND has
proven beyond all reasonable doubt that it is nothing more than a
terrorist organisation and should be treated as such.

For an organisation
that effectively gifted its catchment area the much sought after
presidency of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (some might disagree, but
it is my belief that Jonathan became the vice president as a result of
the activities of the militants and the need to calm nerves in the
Niger Delta), MEND acted very much like the clueless winner.

I know the reasons
given for the attack were viable grounds for dissent, but using bombs
to stress a point was taking it too far. MEND should have followed the
examples of those of us who chose to boycott the event or the example
of the majority of Nigerian commoners whose apathy to the whole wastage
made it seem like an elitist Halloween party.

MEND and other
militant groups have cried about neglect loudly for a long time. They
have spread the news of the degradation of the Niger Delta for years;
they have brought the pain of the citizens of the Niger Delta closer to
us, but in doing this they have also got rich and bold, too bold if one
might say so. In their quest to push their agenda, which I used to
subscribe to, MEND has emboldened itself to begin seeing us as
acceptable collateral damage. To this I am forced to say no. No, we
cannot be collateral damage for an issue that we have no hand in.

By making us
collateral damage, MEND is forcing us to take sides, forcing us to
strike out at them as we seek to defend ourselves. MEND, by killing us,
is effectively making itself the enemy of the Nigerian people, not just
the government, especially now that it has all the reasons in the world
to keep the peace.

MEND’s desire to
shift the blame of the deaths to the Nigerian security agencies, which
it claims did not respond to its calls to evacuate the areas around
Eagle Square cuts less cheese than a knife made of air. The fact is,
they set the bombs, primed them to go off at a certain time. Had they
not wanted the bombs to go off and cause casualties they would have
told the authorities the location of the bombs, and kept the goodwill
of Nigerians. MEND messed up big time and deserves little or no
sympathy from Nigerians.

As it stands, my
heart goes out to President Jonathan, for surely the question would be
asked; “how come he can’t keep his boys in check? “

Fred Nwonwu is the online Editor for Business in Africa magazine and culture and travel editor for Side View magazine