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One of the leading
culture centres in Lagos, Terra Kulture, is set to expand its base, as
plans are announced for the building of a Modern Art Centre on the
premises.

The details were
revealed on February 17, during a press conference to inform the public
about the centre’s timetable of events for 2011. Among the offering for
arts lovers this year are: the Theatre at Terra twice weekly drama
performances, art exhibitions, and book readings.

Speaking with
members of the press, Bolanle Austen-Peters, the managing director and
founder of Terra Kulture, revealed that they would be expanding the
centre’s structure, in order to beat the current challenge of finding
state-of-the-art facilities for art events in Lagos.

“We have acquired
the land next door for the Art Centre, which will include an Art
gallery, theatre, bookstore, and Children Activity Centre for Craft,”
declared Austen-Peters, who added that the project will be sponsored by
Guaranty Trust Bank (GTB).

According to her,
“the greatest problem that artists in Nigeria face is infrastructure.
So, we are expanding our Art gallery. We want a world class gallery.
Same with theatre,” she added.

What we do

“Aside from grooming
(theatre) directors and giving them the opportunity to showcase their
works, imagine having a world class stage. We don’t have that yet but we
are working towards it,” she stated.

The Art manager also
set out the goals of Terra Kulture. “What we try to do here is promote
everything Art in Nigeria. We are a cultural centre.”

Among other
initiatives, she revealed that the Theatre at Terra project was set in
motion in 2006 to “create a platform for theatre lovers in Nigeria.”

“We started with
Aremo Babatope and Segun Adefila, then Wole Oguntokun. We give artists
the platform and infrastructure and we charge the directors nothing,”
Austen-Peters said, adding that the centre got financial support for
sponsors, notably GTB.

With drama
presentations every month running from January till December, theatre
directors whose plays will be staged at Terra Kulture in 2011 include:
Segun Adefila (Crown Troupe of Africa); Nick Monu (The Lotus
Theatre);Wole Oguntokun (Jason Vision); and Uche Nwokedi (Play House).
Also on the list are: Bikiya Graham Douglas (Betta Universal Arts
Foundation) and Najite Dede (Clever Girl Performance).

Adefila’s Crown
Troupe of Africa has staged performances every Sunday since January.
Terra Kulture has an Art gallery where exhibitions are regularly held.
Already, “we have had two exhibitions this year,” disclosed
Austen-Peters.

She added that the
highlight of activities at Terra Kulture this year will be the annual
auction, involving a select group of artists for an exhibition. The
auction is expected to hold in April.

Diverse events

The centre, which
has a library and bookshop, is also aiming to be a vibrant hub for book
readings. It already hosts the monthly Celebrity Reads Africa programme
and the Farafina Book Review sessions. Two readings have been hosted at
the venue so far this year.

Austen-Peters
revealed the criteria for selecting featured books: “We look at the
quality of the books. We have a Readers Club here. Also, people come in
and tell us what to put out to the public.”

“Of course, we have
our language classes and we also have Boutique at Terra,” she stated
further. “We noticed that fashion is beginning to catch on, so we
created a boutique.”

According to her,
the boutique will showcase clothing and home furnishings, adding that
“this will help to promote our fashion and fabric.”

Actor, choreographer
and director, Segun Adefila, fielded questions from the press regarding
his ability to cope with the challenges of staging regular live
theatre. He was also asked for his opinion on the Theatre at Terra
Project.

“I studied Theatre
Arts. It’s the only thing that I can do. There is nowhere else where
theatre goes on regularly. When I learnt of this platform, I met with
Mrs. Austen-Peters and she gave us the support,” he said. “It’s the
biggest thing to have happened to us,” said Adefila, who leads the Crown
Troupe of Africa.

The managing
director of Terra Kulture was asked if the centre is planning to take
advantage of the fund for Arts and Entertainment, recently made
available by President Goodluck Jonathan.

“We have learnt to sustain our business ourselves and we focus on what we have to do,” she answered.

I have screened
excerpts from my films, “BARIGA BOY” and “ORIKI.’ In them are the core
ideas around which I have concentrated my work as a filmmaker. My
philosophy is that I am not just a filmmaker, I am an African Filmmaker.
That is an identity that I take seriously and it is an identity that
inspires my content. I believe that my art and my identity are
interconnected and must feed each other. The idea and the context and
culture of the artist shape his work. Filmmaking as all artistic
undertakings, is a cultural practice and every form of its
interpretation enriches and projects the experiences of a culture as
captured from the artist’s perspective.

The Nigerian
Nollywood film industry was born of this understanding and over the last
12-15years it has found a global audience amongst Africans and
immigrants in the Diaspora. Whilst we readily admit its technical
deficiencies, Nollywood films have become a critical connector for many.
Across the United Kingdom, the United States, Brazil, Cuba, as far as
China and Australia and all across Africa, Nollywood as a filmmaking
phenomenon is less about the fictional narratives and more about the
interactivity of its visual messaging.

The Nollywood movie
industry is young, revolutionary and organic. It is young in the sense
that movie making became a phenomenon in Nigeria only in recent years.
It is revolutionary in the sense that it represents a radical break with
the past. It did not have much history to go by and yet it has made
international impact. More importantly, it is organic in the sense that
it has a life of its own and it grows on its own steam. The Nigerian
movie has its primary audience within the society in which it is
produced, and this has been its most important attribute.

In every effective
way, Nollywood is a form of pseudo documentary-making, showcasing the
issues and conflicts and complexities of living the African experience
in a way that is practical and to which Africans are connecting. While
fiction, its narratives and sources are based on realities and
actualities. It is a powerful form that has also inspired a new
generation of filmmakers across the continent who are energised by the
opportunity to make their voices heard. In this emerging globalisation,
cultural distinctions and dissection aid understanding as well as
protect and preserve diversity. Documentaries are critical to helping us
express our individualities within the blurred boundaries of the global
community.

Deeper understanding

Cultures are in real
and present danger of extinction. I am Yoruba. And my culture for
instance is ancient with an amazing history full of spiritual
mythologies. Its essence is profiled in family values, community,
respect courtesy and individual responsibilities of integrity, industry,
diligence and courage. For hundreds of years, that culture has survived
through history passed on by word of mouth. Today, technology makes it
possible to document this culture, to interrogate it and project its
mysteries in a way that inspires a sense of belonging and pride.

Documentaries are
also important today, less as mere recordings or archiving tools of
events and history and more for how they shape our thinking and mediate
our experiences. That is a very important consideration if you accept
the idea that whilst technology and globalisation have made our lives
easier, they have blurred our understanding of what is truth. Everything
is complex and whilst you may have access to the facts of a situation,
the truth of it has many sides. I believe the capacity of the
documentary form to go beyond the news cycle and present to us
perspectives, gives us a deeper understanding that is useful in an era
where the news cycles are overtly political.

Telling Africa’s story

Western colonialists
used documentaries to shape group behaviour and manipulate perception
and history. In Africa today, the narrative of the global information
order preserves an unfortunate soundbite that feeds our economic
ostracisation. The perspectives of experiences defined is at best narrow
and one-sided. For Africa, the global information order presents a
narrative of wars, death, corruption and diseases. The question is: ‘who
is telling the story of Africa and its realities and from what
perspective?’ Can African filmmakers bring better understanding within
and outside the continent with documentaries that give a more rounded
definition of the African experience?

Today, Africa
continues to be a hotbed of economic and socio-political change. From
Tunisia to Egypt and now Libya. The primary questions are as urgent as
they are fundamental: How can filmmaking serve the interests of Africa?
How can it force the development agenda of Africa into global
consciousness? How can it educate the world about the tremendous
opportunities in Africa and highlight the importance of this continent?
What are Africa’s strengths in a fiercely competitive global economic
environment? And how do we create and grow a sustainable business model
for African films to thrive? These questions underscore an important
part of my own personal philosophy. My work, not just as a filmmaker,
but as an “African Filmmaker” is very important and vital to the
sustenance of my own identity and even more ambitiously, my work is
vital to the economic and social transformation of my community.

Africa in dialogue

There is a dialogue
on-going. Africa is in a conversation with itself concerning the shape
of its future. A new order identifying new voices and new leaders,
propagating new values of accountability, transparency, fair
competition, social justice and economic empowerment is emerging. It is a
revolution of immense significance that is bringing a new optimism and
pride about our future.

Documentary
filmmaking can be at the centre of shaping these discourses — guiding
and laying bare the issues. The images of Africa’s emerging new order of
political social and economic regeneration needs to get out there. The
responsibility cannot be that of those outside of the experience.
African filmmakers have a responsibility to mediate these perspectives
because they have the privilege of their craft and the audience it
attracts. Back in 1935, the pioneering British documentary filmmaker,
Paul Rotha, declared that, “above all documentary must reflect the
problems and realities of the present.” Rotha was a socially-conscious
director who believed that the role of the documentary filmmaker was to
help change the world for the better. I subscribe to that but will add
that the filmmaker must also question the nature of truth and reality.
That is a key contention as governments and economic manipulators fully
understand and use the documentary medium well as propaganda tools
rather than for its more affecting power to educate, elevate and
inspire. Today, its boundaries are being stretched to keep up with the
unreality of the real world. But the documentary form is a generous
basket and it holds a lot of different things, after all, It is
structured reality.

Many recent
documentaries also denote a generational shift in both style and subject
matter, away from the political towards the emotional. There is a sense
in which also the grand narratives globally are that people are living
in an age of uncertainty; and documentary increasingly reflects that,
because documentary as an art form is traditionally progressive. Which
is why as Awam Akpam affirmed at the iRep Documentary Festival in Lagos
in January, documentaries are way too important to be left in the hands
of institutions. It should be in the hands of the population. Today,
everything is happening at the speed of light – fast foods, fast cars
fast communications, fast revolutions as we have seen all over the
Middle East recently. All human experiences are moving at a rapid pace,
requiring not only documentation historically, but perspectives and
interpretations and individual voices to be heard. There is definitely a
new energy for documentaries by people who need to tell their stories
and can suddenly afford to do so. We are living in a time when young
filmmakers in particular are increasingly turning towards documentary as
a way to make sense of the world they live in. They are more alert
about and suspicious of the mainstream media and eager for a form that
talks to them about real events in a real way even if that form is rough
or even low-key. It’s a very exciting and ground-breaking time for the
transformative power of the visual arts. People are looking for bigger
truths. There is a hunger for narratives that are personal, broad in
scope and with integrity in its perspectives. How much change can
documentary films really inspire? I say it can change the world!

Being the text of
lecture delivered by filmmaker Femi Odugbemi at the Centre for African
and African-American Research, Duke University. United States on
February 21.

The Nigeria Prize
for Literature, endowed by the Nigeria Liquefied Natural Gas (NLNG), was
recently put under scrutiny in Lagos. The NLNG, sponsors of the
programme, invited groups and individuals from across the country who
have things to say about Literature. From writers’ bodies, teachers,
literary enthusiasts, and publishers, they all came to put the prize
under scrutiny.

At the start of the
deliberations, one of the participants pointed out that the Literature
Prize has made the NLNG come under the searchlight of many. He was of
the opinion that the other prize, Science, has not generated as much
furore as Literature because writers by nature are people who have
varied ideas about what excellence means. That is, excellence, like
beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder.

In calling the
participants together to consider the place of the prize in the country
and in the literary world, Siene Allwell-Brown, general manager,
external relations, of the NLNG, said the forum was convened to distil
the opinion of stakeholders in the sector because the company wants to
make the Nigeria Literature Prize the “best and the biggest for
rewarding excellence” not only in Nigeria, but in Africa and also one of
the best administered prizes in the world.

A tall order, but
there is no harm in trying, they all agreed. They felt it was good
enough to let the world know that something good and creative can come
out of Nigeria, especially when many have won laurels in Literature,
both at home and abroad.

Soul searching

Ms. Allwell-Brown
observed, “We believe it is time enough to ask some pertinent questions.
In the eight years of its existence, would we say that the prize
definitely lived up to this billing? Has it presented a large enough
canvas for writers, publishers, editors, book sellers, literary critics,
and journalists to paint their dreams? Has it made excellence its prime
guiding principle and have the aspirations, yearnings and dreams of the
stakeholders in promoting excellence in writing and publishing been
met? Has the prize been administered in a fair and transparent manner?”

This set the tone
for the deliberations which was chaired by Ayo Banjo, former vice
chancellor of the University of Ibadan, an Emeritus Professor.

According to him,
the Prize has come a long way and he believed that the stakeholders’
forum would serve as a medium to further advance it beyond its present
ken. He urged the stakeholders to deliberate and ensure that the prize
remains prestigious and “command the respect of Nigerians and one that
can be a model for the rest of the world to emulate.”

Jerry Agada,
president of the Association of Nigerian Authors (ANA), said the forum
was good because it would help to shape Nigerian Literature better and
place it in its right place. In setting the pattern for the discussion,
Ifeanyi Mbanefo, manager, corporate communications and public affairs of
the NLNG, traced the origin of the prize to 2003 when it was conceived.
He stressed the need for this, so as to look back and see if it has
achieved its purpose and if it had, how to make it better.

Some recommendations

One of the ways to
gauge this was the engagement of a corporate governance expert who
analysed the administrative procedure of the prize and made some useful
recommendations on how to make its administration more useful,
effective, and transparent.

Deji Toye, a
consultant with Lodt Governance Centre, Lagos, in reviewing the
management structure of the prize, recommended, among others, that: the
Award should remain in its present form (The Nigeria Prize for
Literature) and not a ‘Prize for the Humanities’, as currently being
canvassed for by some.

He also recommended
that instead of the present Literature Committee, an Advisory Board
should be constituted. This is to be made up of carefully selected group
of stakeholders, appointed by organisations/institutions in the
industry.

He suggested that
the associations to make nominations should be: Association of Nigerian
Authors, Nigerian Academy of Letters, and National Library of Nigeria;
while a senior executive from the corporate affairs department of NLNG
is to serve as secretary of the committee and head of the secretariat.
This, according to Mr. Toye, would help reduce administrative costs.

Perhaps, one of the
most debated recommendations was the one that says any year no work
among those submitted was found good enough to win the grand $50,000,
“the money should be donated to a charity that is active in the
promotion of the literary arts or the money returned to source.”

For instance, the prize that went to the Nigeria Academy of Letters would not have gone to it the year it was not awarded.

No consensus

A few of the issues
raised at the forum were widely debated but a consensus, as it is in a
gathering of writers, was hard to arrive at.

However, this did
not in any way diminish the importance or the essence of the forum,
because all those involved in the business of Literature – writers,
publishers, critics, readers, distributors, and publishers – were able
to sit together and reason as important links in a chain.

Publishers were able
to air their views about how they felt left out of the scheme, with all
attention focused on writers and not others who help to make the end
product get to the consumers.

The forum was
attended by groups and organisations in the literary community. These
included Association of Nigerian Authors; Nigeria Academy of Letters;
Nigeria Publishers Association; Society of Nigerian Theatre Artists;
and Abuja Writers Forum. Others represented were Arts Writers
Organisation of Nigeria; Women Writers Association; and Committee for
Relevant Arts.

At least three past winners of the prize were also there: Gabriel
Okara (poetry), Ahmed Yerima (drama), and Akachi Adimora-Ezeigbo
(novelist).

In the wake of a Nollywood renaissance, the competition for filmmakers to up the ante has been on the increase. For old and new Nollywood bashers, most of the criticism has recently been reduced to static mumbling, but not in all cases.

From the producer of ‘Silent Scandal’ and ‘When the Heart Lies’ comes ‘A Private Storm’ starring Ramsey Nouah, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, and John Dumelo. The movie, directed by Lancelot Imasuen and Ikechukwu Onyeka, was written and produced by Vivian Ejike. The hype that heralded the film’s premiere made it a must-see for many.

A turbulent affair

The story revolves around the violent Alex (Ramsey Nouah) and Gina, his live-in lover/victim, played by Jalade-Ekeinde. In the first scene, he wakes her up to breakfast in bed, while coaxing her to skip work that day. At this point, the alarm bells start to ring, but who cares? We are here to watch Nollywood romance at its best.

Gina goes to work anyway, only to be dragged back home by a very angry Alex after forcing her to write a resignation letter. He compensates Gina with an upscale boutique, making her the envy of her friends who think she’s got the perfect man, Prince Charming.

Charm is, however, not exactly Alex’s strong point as his anger constantly gets the better of him. He orders his ‘princess’ out of his car at midnight in the middle of nowhere, locks her up in the bathroom and out of the house after she disobeys his order on attending a close friend’s birthday party. He slaps her just because she dares to describe another man as a ‘handsome hunk.’ Shock, horror!

Obviously, no one would expect even an insane woman to sit around and enjoy such violence. Gina soon ‘borrows’ a brain and flees to a friend’s place. A remorseful Alex returns, bearing gifts and asking for forgiveness. Gina is hell-bent on not taking him back. The flashback to Alex’s troubled youth is no excuse for his misbehaviour in adulthood, but foolish love prevails over reason and Gina returns to Alex’s hurtful embrace. Or maybe the beating was just an unshakable part of her destiny.

I guess this is the part where the producers expected us to fall in love again after hating the male antagonist and running mad with anger at Gina’s stupidity. Well, it does not work out that way as we remain in shock at the lead-female’s foolhardiness.

For a movie on spousal abuse, it is shocking not to get the feel of at least one broken bone, a blood-shot, black eye, or swollen cheek, considering Alex is quick to send thunder down Gina’s face in the blink of an eye. Apart from the rouge brightening the ladies’ cheeks, the closest thing to bloodshed that we see is when Dumelo spills red wine on his white shirt.

Other than that, the story of ‘A Private Storm’ could very well be summed up as a romantic melodrama telling the story of an unnecessarily angry young man and his foolish fiancée.

Mr. Sinister

Nouah is not bad in his role as Mr. Sinister. His characterisation echoed scenes from previous tormentor-roles in ‘Above Death,’ where he plays Hilda Dokubo’s demon-possessed child, and a particular scene from ‘Blind Trust’ where he sends his father’s greedy relatives scurrying with a cutlass. The down-side of his acting and the directing is that in some scenes, not a few feel this is a horror flick starring Nouah as a two-legged freak.

Ekeinde’s portrayal of the ‘suffer-head’ Gina also deserves top marks, but I wonder why – with all the fire the character sometimes shows – Gina never hits back at least once. Maybe like one woman said, she accepts such beating as the perfect grooming necessary to make a good wife.

Ufuoma Ejenobor and John Dumelo are the film’s second couple in another miserable relationship: they also break up to make up but for different reasons. As the action unravels, one is expecting to see both couples merge in the plot. Unfortunately, there was no real reason for the presence of this couple but for the comic relief they provided as a departure from the charged action of Alex and Gina’s volatile relationship. All was however, made known at the ‘end’ of ‘Private Storm 1.’

Er, that’s not all, folks

The curse of Nollywood means that even the ‘best’ movie finds a most unfortunate way of disappointing its audience. ‘A Private Storm’ was not wanting in this regard, giving boost to the argument that most Nollywood movies are soap operas camouflaging as feature films.

The movie held some hope at the beginning but soon faltered and almost two hours later, it was not funny to see the final fade with the words ‘… the storm has just begun…’ appearing on the screen. This was followed by ‘teasers’ from the sequel in which we discover where Omotola Jalade’s character ends up.

It was no different from seeing a series’ pilot with a preview of subsequent episodes reading, ‘Next time on A Private Storm.’

Having not seen other productions by Vivian Ejike, I hear ‘A Private Storm’ might actually be her worst so far. I hope so too.

Here’s the verdict: you won’t be over-joyful if you see ‘A Private Storm’ in cinemas. Wait till Part 2 is released; buy or rent both instalments, then spare a few hours to see them back to back. Rewind or fast-forward to your heart’s content so you won’t need to see the full story more than once.

The rock stood in
the heart of our land, a gift from the gods. One benighted afternoon we
found a madman atop the rock, and he was pointing a gun on us.

“Behold the rock I built with petro-dollars!” screamed the madman, prancing hither and thither.

“How do we get this knave down from that height?” queried one of us down below.

“That statement is
undue radicalism, very extremist!” cried the madman. He took aim at the
man amongst us who made the utterance, and the poor fellow was dead in
short seconds.

Shouts of horror swept through the landscape.

“Hail me as your president or I will shoot again!” The madman was in his elements, caressing his baleful gun.

“A raving madman cannot a president make!” shouted another deviant fellow in our midst.

The madman unleashed another crack shot, and death followed suit.

“Am I the president or am I not?” The madman was not joking.

“You are!” we all hollered as one.

“Actually it is my
duty to decree myself president,” said the madman, pulling ill-assorted
military gear over his white gown. “Your business is just to say yes to
my decree.”

“All hail Mr. President!” we were shouting.

“Don’t Mister me!” bellowed the madman. “I am a five-star general!”

“Field-marshal President!” cooed a section of the gathered crowd.

The somewhat diminutive madman showed his teeth in a hearty smile. He was gap-toothed.

“I know this man,”
said one of us with a press tag on the lapel of his coat. “I know him
from way back. He used to write me love letters.”

Before our very
eyes, the man dispatched a letter from high up to the man below which
instantly exploded like a bomb, blowing the hapless fellow to
smithereens.

There was a stampede but the madman dared anyone to leave the square.

“I feel good.” The madman was nodding. “In fact I feel cool.”

“Please come down, our dear president, and rule among us,” a voice in the square pleaded.

“Why should I come down among you plebeians?” the madman replied, frowning. “I prefer to rule from the rock.”

“But the president is supposed to be among the people, a man of the people…”

“Don’t tell me what
a president is supposed to be,” snapped the madman. “How can you know
where or what the president is supposed to be when none of you has ever
been a president? You don’t even have a gun.”

“A real president of the people does not need a gun.”

“Who said that?” The madman was livid.

Nobody raised a voice.

The madman unleashed a staccato of shots, killing five or so luckless fellows.

“Ordain me your life-president and I’ll come down to be with you,” said the madman.

“When you didn’t come down as a president how is it possible for you to come as a life-president?”

“I don’t like that question,” the madman bawled. “It smells like a pressman.”

“How can a question smell like a journalist?” asked one of us.

“No more questions or I’ll bomb you with my letter!”

He panned his gun wickedly across the mammoth crowd, and cries of dread swept through the square.

“Behold our darling life-president!”

“Prince of the Atlantic!”

“King of the Sahara!”

“I am not deceived by your praise-songs,” the madman said, fiddling with his trigger. “You people praise to kill.”

“You are our grand commander till kingdom come!” The roar reached the sky.

“That’s more like it.” The madman adjusted his epaulettes. “I feel like transforming to civvies.”

“Will you now come down to be with us?” asked the lady at my back.

“Not until you make my wife your empress,” said the madman.

Something we had
thought was merely an outgrowth of the rock suddenly came alive. It
stood like a masquerade. Then the clothes came off, revealing the
woman. Her madness was extraordinary, putting her husband in the shade.
Despite the peacock feathers all about her she was naked and dancing
extravagantly.

“First Lady!” We were all screaming. “Eku! First Lady!”

“I decree her as your empress,” the madman intoned, admiring his wild missus.

“Empress of the
Niger!” We could not run short of praise-songs in her name. “Mother of
wealth! Better life bringer! Queen of beauty!”

The naked woman
cavorted in a frenzy of dancing. We egged her on with oohs and aahs.
She was indeed an empress to behold, a loose cannon baring and dangling
all the unmentionables.

“Not even death shall do us part,” the empress sang, blowing her husband a kiss.

“So my wife is the empress,” the madman boomed, cavorting with his wife, “and I am the emperor. What a fantastic combination!”

“As fantastic as Fanta!” the wife cooed.

“And as cocastic as Coke!” said the madman, sniffing the palm of his hand like a junkie.

“Now we are ready for the Great Couple to come down to be with us,” said the very tall man to my right.

“You people think
you can fool me,” the madman said, eyeing us wickedly. “I know it. If I
make the mistake of coming down among you I am a goner! You think I’ll
let you quarantine me? I still want to be here!”

“Please go away, madman!” shouted a defiant voice.

“Go to hell, you yammering mad cap!” followed another strong voice.

“Only divine intervention can save us from this miscreant.”

The madman pulled
the trigger, terminating another handful of lives. He affected the pose
of a cowboy and flashed his trademark gap-toothed grin.

“Paradise is here,” the madman’s wife sang, shaking her naked buttocks at us.

Cemetery silence descended on us. We could only stare and wonder and wait.

“I am tired of staying here!” the madman suddenly ejaculated. “Make me the Alpha and Omega and I’ll go.”

“Pronto, you are our Alpha and Omega!”

“You are our all-in-all!”

“Generalissimo!”

The madman pranced about, cuddling his gun.

“Kleptomaniac!” shouted one fellow.

“I like that word!” screamed the madman. “I like that title. Make me klepto-!”

“Maniac!” we chorused.

“Now I have
achieved everything on earth and upon the rock,” the madman said,
feeling good. “But you are yet to give me something…”

“What again do you want from us?”

The madman pasted
his ears to the winds as though hearing voices from beyond, then he
hooted. “Margaret Thatcher is my godmother. If she tells me to jump, I
jump.”

“Then jump!” I muttered under my breath.

“You must all structurally adjust yourselves!” ordered the madman, waving at all of us.

“How do we go about that now?” asked one voice at the edge of the square.

“I hereby devalue all of you!” the madman bleated, jumping on the bosom of his wife.

We all looked at one another, finding no words.

“Since you want me
to go I feel it’s time for me to go,” said the madman after we could
not say anything for moments on end. “But before I go there must be a
period of transition for you to choose the fellow to replace me here.”

“We don’t need another madman on the rock!” said a voice in compelling vehemence.

“What is that you said?” The madman was furious. “That is the voice of the poet, and poetry simply means coup-plotting!”

The madman insisted
on fishing out the owner of the dissenting voice. The identified
dissident stared back at the madman with a certitude that bore the
stamp of familiarity.

“Coup-plotting poet!” the madman cursed, shooting to death the poet alongside his comrades.

“But that’s your brother you just killed,” wailed a lady, who took the wedding band of the shot man.

“Tell them the coup-plotter and his comrades have been shot about an hour ago!” the madman said, pointing.

“Nothing is beyond this madman…” I was thinking.

“Call me Democratic Emperor!” the madman shouted.

“Democratic Emperor!” we shouted back.

“Cool.” The madman scanned the gathering. “That’s the kind of thing I like to read in the Times.”

He paused. We looked on.

“I’ll teach you democracy,” said the madman. “I’ll give you democracy.”

“God bless our life-president, teacher of democracy,” sang the singer in the midst. “God save the emperor, giver of democracy.”

Just then a very
surprising thing happened. Some angry young men appeared like
paratroopers on the rock and tackled the madman and his wife to the
ground.

“Khalifa! Khalifa! Khalifa!” the madman wept.

A short and squat
soldier wearing very dark goggles appeared on the rock as though from
nowhere and shot to death the squad that had all but captured the
madman. We all stared from Khalifa to the madman, wondering. Khalifa
did not offer a word before disappearing. The madman was visibly
shaken, crying on the shoulder of his wife like a stricken suckling. It
took an age for the madman to find his voice.

“Not today,” the
madman said when he found his voice. “What a Dodan nightmare! It was
the attack of those Obalende rascals that pursued me to this rock!” He
paused to gather his breath. “But I dealt with them. I wiped them out!
No tears for the terrorists!”

“Don’t mind the
extremists who do not want you to give us democracy,” said a woman by
the corner. “Forget them and keep up with your promised transition.”

“Yes, let the
transition happen,” the madman ordered, assuming a new seriousness.
“You have to build a ladder for me to come down with and for the new
man to get up here.”

“But you didn’t need a ladder to get up there in the first place?” shouted a very angry voice.

“Build the ladder or I’ll shoot!” commanded the madman.

The incomparably
long ladder took billions of Naira to build. Then the ladder was placed
against the rock. The madman asked us to choose a handful of persons to
climb the ladder. We did the choosing as ordered by the madman. When we
presented our chosen ones the madman took one look at them and screamed:

“I don’t want old greed. New breed is what I need!”

He promptly ordered
our chosen ones away from the foot of the ladder, threatening to shoot
them into tiny slivers. Then the madman chose two of his friends in our
midst to make the climb up the ladder. One of his chosen two was a fast
climber and was soon on the last rung of the ladder, in short, with a
foot on the rock. With the butt of his gun the madman sent his friend
crashing down from the great height.

“This rock cannot
contain two of us!” shouted the madman, holding aloft his gun. “I would
have shot you if you were not my friend.”

“I dare you!” the humiliated friend cried, alive only because the people helped break his fall.

“Make me Go-!” the madman yelled, incensed.

“Did he say Go or God?” We did not know.

“I am not afraid
of this madman!” the felled friend hollered. “I’ll fight him to a
finish with all the proverbs on earth. His firing squad cannot make me
lose my manhood!”

Dread stood in the
air. Blood was boiling to flow. Some angry youths arranged to climb the
rock to bring down the madman. The madman fired some shots but death
was not in the dictionary of the angry ones coming after the madman on
the rock. There was commotion all over the place. The madman ran from
one end of the rock to the other as though looking for a place to hide.

“General Khalifa!” cried the leader of the human rats. “History beckons on you to take over!”

“Cover me! Cover me!” the madman said to an old ghost whom he had unburied from one of the crannies of the rock.

The madman covered
the old ghost in interim fatigues, asking him to pose as a madman in
his place. Then General Khalifa, wearing his very dark goggles,
appeared on the scene, borne along by the apple-laden beauties of India.

Confusion shot up
as people marched on the rock and the old ghost struggled with his
interim fatigues and the madman looked upon Khalifa for a measure of
solution.

“Save the day!” the madman pleaded, staring plaintively at General Khalifa.

“They are coming
from everywhere!” screamed General Khalifa, pushing the old ghost in
interim fatigues from off the rock and then turning to speak directly
to the convulsing madman. “Jump before they get you! They are coming
fast! Spirits! Soldiers! Students! They are coming for your jugular!
Jump!”

“I will only step
aside,” snorted the madman; then he clung to his First Lady and they
jumped from the rock, falling hard to earth with such force that they
instantly turned into the small rock called Stone!

As General Khalifa
settled on the rock, playing God with military abandon, the human rats
started crying: “Another madman is back on the rock! We don’t want
another madman on the rock!”

The goggled madman, a dead shot with an AK47, took aim and, rat-a-tat, his beginning was the end.

It’s that time of
the year again when the best (and worst) of the Hollywood rabble gather
their best frocks and dish out golden statues to each other. Yes, the
Oscars are here with a new set of movies and stars vying for your
consideration. So what’s new this year? Well, the Academy has decided to
go all young and hip by handing presenting duties to Anne Hathaway and
James Franco. They are the Academy’s youngest hosts in its 83-year
history and might set the tone for future awards ceremonies. Both have
displayed very credible comedic skills in the past, so hopefully there
shouldn’t be too many forced jokes or awkward silences. The 10-film
format for Best Picture has been retained after been introduced last
year. Thankfully, we have a stronger field to pick from this year, so
average films like ‘District 9’ and ‘The Blind Side’ did not creep into
the list. When the likes of ‘Shutter Island’ and ‘The Town’ do not make
the final cut, then you know it’s a tough year.

Best Picture

After the commercial
and critical disappointment of 2009/2010, it has been a decent year for
cinema. The shackles of the global recession were shaken off and people
started going to the movies again. Filmmakers must have missed the memo
because this year’s contenders can hardly be described as feel-good
movies.

‘Toy Story 3’ is
probably the most uplifting of the bunch and even that was known to make
some adult viewers cry. It won’t win but its mere presence is another
testament to the movie-making prowess of Pixar studios.

‘The Fighter’, a bleak biopic of boxer Micky Ward and his junkie brother, is a fine film about redemption and human sacrifice.

‘Black Swan’, is a
neo-noir about a young woman’s struggles with abuse and psychosis. It
will not be to everyone’s taste and this will affect its chances.

‘Inception’ is many
people’s favourite film of 2010 but sadly, its popularity will count
against it. Blockbusters simply do not win in this category.

‘127 Hours’ is a wonderful true-life tale of triumph against the odds but is perhaps too avant garde for Academy tastes.

‘The Kids are
Alright’ is a well rendered account of the realities of single-sex
marriage but it meanders a bit towards a conclusion.

‘True Grit’ is a
remake of the John Wayne classic, a proper Western with delicious vistas
and searing individual performances. The story lacks a bit of depth,
however, and will most likely count against it. Besides, everyone
prefers the original, right?

This predictably
leaves it down to a dogfight between two films: ‘The Social Network’,
and ‘The King’s Speech’. Both have very different types of appeal but if
there is any justice, ‘The Social Network’ will win. David Fincher’s
film about the advent of Facebook is the best all-round film of 2010.
One suspects though that ‘The King’s Speech’ will trump it. The film,
about King George VI’s efforts to overcome his stammer, is the kind that
usually excites the Academy. Where ‘The Social Network’ represents new
age cinema, ‘The King’s Speech’ is a hark back to the classical era and
this might well sway the voters.

Best Director

It is an absolute
travesty that ‘Inception’s Christopher Nolan is not even nominated in
this category. The Academy still turns its nose up at commercially
successful films and ‘Inception’ happens to be the latest victim.

The Coen Brothers
are an Oscar favourite, but ‘True Grit’ is far from their best work.
Nolan, on the other hand, has delivered a filmmaking tour-de-force. Love
it or hate it, one cannot ignore the sheer creative audacity of
‘Inception’. Nolan’s loss will almost certainly be David Fincher’s gain.
‘The Social Network’ is masterfully directed. A movie subject as banal
as Facebook is somehow made engaging by Aaron Sorkin’s sumptuous script
and Fincher’s close directorial control. Of the 82 films that have won
Best Picture, 60 of them have also won Best Director. It would be no
surprise if Fincher goes home with the two gongs.

Best Actor

You might as well
give Colin Firth the award now. In truth, none of the other contenders
would even put up much of a fight. Not that their performances are bad —
far from it — but Colin Firth ticks almost all the Academy boxes.
Period film. Check. English accents. Check. Protagonist struggling with
disability. Check. Firth’s performance as the stuttering King George VI
is so vulnerable, that it has you rooting for him from the word go. It
is good to see Jeff Bridges’ name up again after his win last year. For
too long, he has been overlooked by the Academy. In any other year,
Jesse Eisenberg’s portrayal of Mark Zuckerberg, the Facebook founder,
would have been a surefire thing but this is Firth’s year.

Best Actress

Natalie Portman’s
name is probably already engraved on the golden statue for her
performance in ‘Black Swan.’ Yet, riveting as it is, her performance
rarely extends beyond timid and frightened in Aranofsky’s film. In a
film which plays heavily on duality, one craves a tougher alter ego to
emerge from the shadows but it never materialises. Nicole Kidman’s role
as a grieving mother in ‘Rabbit Hole’ will probably not be rewarded with
a golden statuette, but it is a far more nuanced performance. The 2003
winner delivers a masterclass in the use of silence and facial
expression as an acting tool. Hers is a genuinely haunting
interpretation about the burden of human loss. However, Portman has
swept the board until now, picking up all the major awards in the
process, and the Academy will most likely follow suit.

Best Supporting Actor

Some performances
are instantly iconic and you realize that the moment you are witnessing
them. Christian Bale’s portrayal of Dicky Eklund, a junkie ex-boxer
living on past glory, is one of those sit-up-and-take-notice moments.
Not only does Bale physically transform himself for the role, he throws
in several verbal and behavioral tics which only a true thespian can
pull off. As one of the last in a dying generation of Method actors,
Bale has delivered a career best and will almost certainly reap the
dividends on the night. Honourable mention goes to ‘The Town’s’ Jeremy
Renner, who shows that his nomination last year, was no fluke; and
Geoffrey Rush for ‘The King’s Speech’. A huge surprise it was that
Andrew Garfield did not make the cut. His portrayal of Facebook
co-founder, Eduardo Saverin, was the heart of ‘The Social Network’.

Best Supporting Actress

This is probably the
most hotly contested category. Yet, there is another glaring omission
from this list — Marion Cotillard. Her role in ‘Inception’ was one of
the best of the year but she doesn’t figure in the nominations. The two
supporting actresses for ‘The Fighter’, Amy Adams and Melissa Leo, will
duel it out and both would be equally worthy of the award. However,
strong competition might come in the form of 14-year-old, Hailee
Steinfeld, the precocious co-star of ‘True-Grit’. Academy judges have
never been shy of dishing out awards to young talent when they are truly
exceptional, so Miss Steinfeld can definitely be considered a dark
horse in this category. Helena Bonham-Carter brings tremendous restraint
and regality to the role of King George’s wife in ‘The King’s Speech’
and not many would grumble if she picked up the award.

So that’s it. Good luck to all the nominees. If you are watching in
Nigeria, grab some coffee and ensure you have paid up your cable
subscription. It promises to be another memorable Oscar night.