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Who say Zazu nor go see road for this town, na harmattan go wire am till e dry like sugar cane wey dem suck . Na jeje I wan do this my new job wey I just get o, but oversabi people nor wan let me see road, wetin I do them I nor know. Nor be so my former oga dey do o, make I just warn anybody wey dey listen to me now o, nor be say I dey talk to person o, I just dey talk my own o. I say person wey say I nor go chop for this government, FIRE! Anybody wey wan take style style push me go where action nor dey, FIRE!

Zazu! Zazu!! Zazu!! Na wetin happen, talk to me na and stop this your fire fire business.

Oga nor mind them o, this amugbo people wan take style push me comot for here. Yesterday, as I land for our weekly Kitchen Cabinet meeting, na so one yeye houseboy wey dey call imself special adviser talk say make dem send me go dey monitor INEC registration for town. I say tufiakwa, why you go dey send me go where youth corpers learn how to use computer. I come ask am say, wetin im see for my qualification wey make am dey send me go that kain under the sun and small boy job. Na so the yeye man dey do mouth like who bite stone for im rice, say because na only me fit find way to take make sure say this voter’s registration wey dem dey do pure. And na the same yeye man wey first tell my madam say make im nor let me register say the machine fit catch fire, say me na witchy parrot. I look the man one kain, I tell am say na because rain dey fall you and me stand for the same bus stop, idiot nama! I ask am say where im dey when some people dey count goat, cow and fowl during the last census and election? Na now dey break for im agbero head.

Zazu, but why the matter dey vex you na. Na only human beings we suppose register na.

Oga human beans or human rice o, me I don go register o! I must vote come April o.

Zazu Katelmega make una nor sabotage this matter again na, haba. We must to let this process work o, because if we mess am up again we nor get mouth to blame presido, the man don try for us o. And that man right to tell you say make you help us make sure say the registration of voters pure, so that any person wey wan register goat or cow, you go Wikileak the saboteur to presido.

Oga lie lie, nor be my job be that. Why e be say for this country monkey go dey work bomboy go dey chop all the time, dem swear for us. Nor be my job to go check whether people dey register for inside hotel, bedroom, bathroom, cyber café…oga presido don already give oga Jega sansan money for that kind runs. Enough money to set up another Nigeria police force to monitor that kain thing. Haba! This man wey wan take style zone me go field work get agenda for our Kitchen Cabinet , and I don smell am from hundred miles away.

But Zazu wetin you think say be this man agenda?

Ehen, Oga na now day dey break for this matter. You know say na people nor be spirit dey collect campaign money, count am and load am for one corner? Na people dey draw up the budget to make sure say every thing sege-mege. And you also know say na Nigerians like me and you nor be Americans and Britico dey talk how much dem go distribute to take make sure say our campaign run smoothly, so that after we pass primary finish, we go pass secondary well well?

Yes Zazu, I know and wetin be the point for this matter now?

Dasrite! Relax oga, I go yarn you proper, nor worry if your credit finish I go package you. Now this cunny cunny man wan take style move me go where I nor fit lick finger. Im wan bring im brother come take my position for the committee wey we set up.

Wetin be your position for the committee, Zazu?

Correct! Na me be oga eye for the place, anyhow wey dem share the money for campaign na me dey record am, otherwise dem for don chop oga reach bone. Any excess wey fall for under table go meet my goatskin bag dey wait for there, because goat wey dey lion mouth nor get EXIT! Also na me dey count and load Ghana-Must-Go for campaign people boots, so every now and then when one bag take style refuse to enter boot, I go find a comfortable accommodation for such Ghana-Must-Go. Na this very important job this man want comot for my hand. The question wey I ask am be say, na INEC hire me? Wetin concern senator with inflation of garri for Wuse market? If im wan farm for land wey rain nor dey fall, make im nor drag me follow body o.

But wait Zazu, e be like say I dey miss something for this gist. Wetin una dey load put for the Ghana-Must-Go bag wey make am dey important pass credible voter registration?

Jesus Christ the laudable Lord that allowed John The Baptist to baptize him in River Jordan come save me from this Red Sea! Kai oga Lagos don slow you down finish. I nor understand your level again, you sure say na this Nigeria you dey abi na Cotonoue you dey call me from. Abeg nor give me bad luck for Goodluck season. I nor fit answer that question, I dey go fight make dem nor comot my soup for fire before e done.