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If I say, “by their
names we shall know them” I am only repeating a popular catch phrase
such as “sho mi yo frend ah go tel yu hu yu bi or ah go tel yu wie yu
FO kom” and in a society as ethnicity conscious as ours, this is a
truism.

If you say names
like Kapoks and Fee, are popular in the old Bender now Edo & Delta
States, then you are dead on target. Similarly, names like Chung,
Dalyop, Plangnan, Goyol, Ritmwa, Yop, Goyol, Pam, Gwong, are uniquely
from Plateau. Should you then hear names like Hyginus, Collinus,
Romanus, Linus, Livinus, Paulinus, Istifanus, the best place to take
your mind to would be the Eastern parts of Nigeria.

This is because
while growing up, most of my friends were Igbos and bore such names,
consequently for a long time I held a mistaken belief that names that
end with “nus” were traditional to the Igbos. I was completely wrong
because I have since realised that they were Christian names made
popular by the Catholics.

This article is not
about tracing people’s origins by their names neither is it a preview
of a football match between two new club sides as the essay’s title
might suggest, far from it.

There’s no doubting
the fact that as a people, we have only adopted the English language as
a lingua franca out of compulsion. Over the years, we have held
strongly to this language as our official means of communication
without developing Pidgin as Nigeria’s natural lingua franca.

While our
traditional languages are dying we, painfully so, have many in our
midst who are still struggling to be more Catholic than the Pope. I
sympathise with them because di oyibo man de laf dem. Happily, there
are a few that truly appreciate the fact se oyibo man na oyibo man, an
no hau we wi go fit bi oyibo pas oyibo. I doff my hat to them.

Aside the
aforementioned people, there’s another silent hard working group who
have taken it as a challenge to bring dignity to Pidgin as a viable
means of communication in this country via its promotion and subsequent
development for its eventual adoption as Nigeria’s home grown official
lingua franca. I belong here.

I had just arrived
at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja from Lagos. As I
walked towards the arrival lounge, two ladies were few paces ahead of
me chattering away happily:

Sista A: I don’t know why he is behaving in a very uncooperative manner. (ah no no wai e de du sme sme)

Sista B: What did you just say (Yu se wetin?)

Sista A: You heard me right. (Yu hie mi wel )

Sista B: It’s gridiness that is worrying him (Na gridiness de wori am).

Immediately I heard
gridiness, mai maind shek and I turned to look at them without a
comment. I was worried about the word because I have always known greed
and greedy not gridines. From di smol oyibo we ah len, ah no tink se
eni wod laik greediness de. Therefore, na Pidgin.

If gridines is
Pidgin and it is commonly used as if it’s good English, it is a plus
for Pidgin. But do people who use gridiness in place of greed know the
difference?

A stingy person is
anyone who spends or gives unwillingly. In Pidgin, we simply say di
pesin de sabi du eko or he/she is selfishly economical with money.
However, in extreme cases, we say di pesin na Stinjinus. If we have
Stinjinus, why not gridinus?

Stinjinus vasos
gridinus is a battle of survival between English language and Nigerian
Pidgin and by extension Nigerian English. Therefore, to speak English
language the Nigerian way helps in Nigerianising the language thus
bringing it to awa levul. But to speak Pidgin is the real deal, no mago
mago, no beni beni.

An American named
Rudi Gaudio is a scholar currently researching into the extent to which
Nigerian Pidgin is truly helping in unifying Nigerians in Abuja, the
nation’s centre of unity. From regular discussions with him and other
whites I have found the average white man feels bad whenever a black
man de wahala imsef de won spik laik dem. It is only when you speak the
English language as a Nigerian that you will earn the respect of the
owners of the language. I once heard of how a Nigerian failed an
interview with the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) and lost the
opportunity of working with the international radio station bikos e de
spik laik oyibo. Yeye man!

Stijinus and
gridinus means stingy and greedy. If you want to speak oyibo spik koret
oyibo. If yu wont to spik pidgin spik di won we don wel wel. If yu won
mix am go ahed. What is important is that you should be conscious of
when to mix, switch or mix.

No spik pidgin tink
se na oyibo or spik oyibo an no no wen yu don put pidgin. Stinjinus an
gridinus na im bi awa problem fo Naija.

God help us!