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Unlike her husband who embodies the name Goodluck, Patience Jonathan is not so lucky.

It seems that every
time she tries to do good, misfortune attends. Some of it is due to
dumb planning of course, but mostly, it is plain bad luck.

When as a
governor’s wife she tried to move some of her money abroad like other
people, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, allegedly, caught
her: twice if you believe the accounts. As a result, she is probably
the first lady with the least money in foreign banks to have served in
Bayelsa State.

Then in May
Interpol in Dubai caught a family friend, James Ibori, and she went
there to visit, to be with him in his hour of need. Some in the media
turned the matter into a national cause célèbre, accusing her of going
on a shopping spree, lampooning her timing, even questioning the nature
of her relationship with Mr. Ibori. But she may just be the kind of
person who does not abandon her friends simply because they hit a bad
patch!

Last month, her
husband attended the 65th UN Assembly in New York and she accompanied
him, as a good wife should. Somehow, the fact emerged that she had
taken along 23 other people including her personal cook, her friends,
and her valet. All paid for by the federal government.

Perhaps the worst
example of her sheer ill luck was the Independence rice spree. Mrs.
Jonathan, aware of the breathtaking poverty in the land, sought to
distribute two million bags of rice to poor people in the federal
capital territory and a stampede ensued. In the process, people lost
their lives. The rice trucks crushed some who had abandoned the queues
to seek vantage points, and some died because the police officers, who
should keep order, were eagerly grabbing bags. Mostly, the most
abominable planning marred the whole thing.

In any case, her
attempt at helping to alleviate hunger, at bringing smiles to the faces
of her fellow citizens as the country celebrated its 50th anniversary,
turned into ash in our mouths. Only God knows how bad she must have
felt, but she is not one to rest on her oars.

A week ago, she
decided to launch her ‘pet project’, as all first ladies before her
have done, as all those after her will. Somehow, the roads to the
federal secretariat Abuja were blocked and many civil servants, who
some say wanted an excuse to stay away from work anyway, could not get
to their offices. A number of them had to return home, and crucial
(wo)man-hours were lost.

My friend in Abuja
was sure that Mr. Jonathan lost more than a few votes that day as
frustrated commuters cursed him, his government, and his wife. “These
Jonathan people are doing IBB’s campaign for him,” he said.

Then today, I get
a text message that has been doing the rounds. Titled, “The bomb the
1st lady dropped during her speech at Eagle Square,” it contained half
a dozen grammatical errors, including how the October bombers made
“some children a widow.” Here is the shortlist:

1. “The people sitting before you here were once a children.” 2. “The bombers, who born them? Wasn’t it not a woman?”

3. “A good mother takes care of his children.”

I have no proof
that all that is true but my friend, a good mother herself, said she
has decided to protect her children by making sure the television is on
mute whenever Mrs. Jonathan is delivering speeches. The standard of
education is poor already as it is. True, grammatical howlers by people
who should know better are not new. The Economist Style Guide even has
one by George Bush, the former American president whose syntax is
sometimes toxic. “There is a child somewhere in Birmingham and all
across the country and needs somebody to put their arm around them and
to say: you’re a part of America.”

Yet, too many
things have happened too recently that, taken together, make Mrs.
Jonathan somewhat a liability to the president’s campaign. There are
rumours that she is a more vigorous politician than her husband is;
that she helps him take care of the basics, that she is the one who
does most of the consulting, the conjuring, and the consolidating. Now
if only she had more luck!

Still, we cannot
have everything. So, it will help the campaign, I think, if Mrs.
Jonathan will try to embody her name and be subdued, less visible:
enough of the activities already. As one newspaper editor likes to say,
she needs more ‘sobriety’.

To all intents and purposes, Patience still has virtue; but too much of her is hurting Mr. Jonathan right now.