Nigeria Content Online

Author’s note: If there was a competition on my personal blog for which of the articles out there is my magnus opus, this particular one
would in my not so humble opinion would be very high on the list. It was
written at a point in my life when I was going through what I now know to have
been the only heart break I have ever suffered. All the previous ‘heart breaks’
were nothing more than puppy love issues as compared to that one. Whereas when
I suffered heart break back in UNIBEN, the only effect really was to go a
little mental, but recover as soon as the next pretty face strolled along, and
they were not in short supply, in this case, I lost almost 10 kilos in weight,
lost a whole lot of sleep, was made redundant at work (was it because of the
recession or because of her?), and was for a brief period of time engulfed in a
level of hatred that I frankly did not know I was capable of. Thankfully as
things pan out, I have managed to move on from all of that.

What reminded me of
all that was a conversation I had with a friend this morning. He is in exactly
the same situation, and seeing it eating him up was pathetic to say the least.
Uwa my guy, there are only two reactions in such a situation, either you bend
or you break. It would be most unfair for you to let this break you, so bend a
little, then shape up, wax lyrical, and life has to go on. We dey your back…

My son, you do not know me yet. But there is time for that to
change after you are born. My name is Chxta, I am your father. I am writing
this down as my testament to you, a few words of advice to dispense, just in
case I forget to do it whenever the time comes. That I may forget to do it
serves as my first lesson to you. Yes son, I am fallible. Just like any other
human out there. I will make mistakes over time, you will be disappointed in me
once in a while. But like you are going to be, I am only human, and making
mistakes is the most fundamental human right there is out there. What really
matters is the person’s acceptance of his mistake, and more importantly, his
determination not to repeat that mistake. So, whenever I make those mistakes or
do things that are not in line with what I have to say now, bear in mind that I
want you to do as I say, not as I do.

Over the
years I have quietly observed a lot about people, and the world we live in. And
I have come to the conclusion that life is indeed worth living. The only
problem with it however is that you only have one, one that will be full of
mistakes and thus regrets, but one that will also be full of achievement and
thus joy. Try to live so you have more of the latter.

Make every
effort to enjoy your youth, so that you won’t grow up with regrets. The best
time in your father’s life so far were his undergraduate years. Those should be
yours as well, so you have some time to wait yet. However be careful to avoid
excesses, and above all take your studies seriously. A good education is the
only safety net you will ever have. Be mindful to have a complete education
though, a complete education encompasses everything you learn, not just the
school curriculum. Always remember that whatever certificate you might receive
in life would read that you were found worthy in ‘character and learning’. Note
that the character always comes before the learning…

Always plan
ahead. But whenever you plan keep two things in mind, firstly always try and
make alternative plans. As religious people say, ‘man proposes and God
disposes’. Again always keep in mind lessons learned from previous successes
and failures. There are bound to be failures in life as there are bound to be
successes. But remember that you can never know where you are headed if you
don’t know where you are coming from. And then again, there is no point living
life if you don’t have a solid idea of where you are headed. In making plans
never underestimate the value of intelligence. There aren’t many truer sayings than
‘to be forewarned is to be forearmed’. The real value of knowing all there is
to know about a potential foe or situation is that when things go wrong as some
surely will, you will not so much as not be shocked, but you would be in a
better position to absorb the shock.

Sometimes I
will not follow you, your siblings and your mother to church. This is not
because I don’t believe in God, I believe He is there alright. Rather it is
because my Bible starts and stops at Matthew 7:12. The ethic of reciprocity.
You must always bear in mind that you are what you are because of all the other
people around you and nothing else. If they were any less, you would be less,
and if their circumstances improve, so would yours. Keep that in mind and
always be good to the people around you. Your father is no masochist, so he
would never go out of his way to cause pain to anyone around him lest the
person turn around and hurt your father as well. Those are lessons that I
learned quite a while ago. Be nice to people, always offer to help in any way
you can. Don’t offer to help when you can’t do what is needed, don’t offer to
help when it would spite you. Whenever you help, do not forget that you helped
such a person. If the person turns around someday and spurns you, know then that
you are a better person, but never entertain thoughts of vengeance. Nothing
wears down a man more. Always be grateful, and never hesitate to express your
gratitude. Remember, as simple as it sounds, the words ‘thank you’, go a very
long way in making someone repeat a feat of assistance to you. More importantly
though, your actions in expressing that gratitude go even longer. Never demand
assistance. If it comes, don’t spurn it. If it doesn’t shrug your shoulders and
life goes on.

Make new
friends, but keep the old ones. One is silver, and the other is gold. Never
forget that. Be loyal to your friends. True friendship is more important than
all the gold in Fort Knox, and let the friendship flow from you. You don’t have
to wait for the next person to always make the first move. Ensure that your
friends’ problems are your problems. That way when you have problems they would
be their problems. Try not to keep enemies, but sometimes that can’t be
avoided. Make sure that your enemies are also the enemies of your friends.
Always be truthful to your friends. However, try and have the wisdom to know
when to be economical with the truth. It may be better on some occasions to be
economical with the truth as that would help the situation a lot more than the
blatant truth. Never tell a barefaced lie. That only complicates matters more.
Hang on desperately to the friends who improve you as a person. Those who don’t
improve you, keep at arm’s length. Even though I asked you to strive as much as
you can to keep your friends, some would prove themselves not worth having as
your friends. Give such people as long a rope as you possibly can, and when the
rope has grown too long, cut it, but never look back in anger.

Make sure
you learn a language other than that which we will speak at home. Make sure you
learn as much as you can in that language. Also make sure that you learn the
basics of as many languages as you possibly can. There is no telling if the day
would come when a simple knowledge of the question, ‘quo vadis?’ would
be all that stands between you and a lynching. Learn Igbo. It is the language
of your father, his father before him, his father before him, his own father
before him, und so weiter…

Love
completely and like a fool. You will meet girls as you grow up, you will be
infatuated with some, but you will fall out of it. This thing called love is a
placebo, and when you are on the other side of it, it hurts terribly. Never
forget that. Always keep in mind however that the really tangible things in a
relationship are respect and care. Any other physical yearning will diminish
given time and lack of proper care. As a man however, when you are in love,
give your all completely. Don’t hold back, don’t expect anything in return. If
you fall victim of unrequited love, hang on for as long as you can, then like
in all other relationships, walk away without looking back. Nothing destroys a
person’s confidence more than unrequited love. If you are lucky to find someone
who loves you back, walk in the air and return her love completely. There is no
greater feeling than when you are with a girl and you know that she belongs to
you completely. I know that because your mother loves me completely. Do not
under any circumstances think that ‘complete’ love cannot die. Like a plant
that is denied of nourishment, it would die. If fed, it would flourish. This is
a topic I won’t dwell on however because it is full of contradictions. Two
things you must take away from it however are these, first true love between a
man and a woman comes only when you have learned about the baggage which she
carries, and are able to accept that she has that baggage, and put up with it.
The second thing you must understand is that there with one exception, there is
no such thing as unconditional love. The one exception is the love a mother
feels for her child at the moment of birth, the one she will feel for you on
that day in the not too distant future when you are born. Even the love of God
which the religious people will tell you about has strings attached; if you
mess it up, He will burn you in hell for eternity.

NEVER keep
secrets. There aren’t too many more correct statements than that of Tigran
Petrosian, ‘there is more deception in chess than in poker, but while in poker
you hide your hand, in chess everything is out in the open’. Live in such a way
that no one can use some dark secret against you in future. However even with
all that openness, learn what is most valuable, and keep that close to your
chest. Always speak your mind. That way you will have a clear conscience and
you will sleep better at night. People will ridicule you for it, some will make
statements such as ‘you talk carelessly’, but as your father can tell from his
own experiences in life, when the chips are down they will seek your counsel.
There is something in the human being that appreciates brutal honesty.

Keep at the
back of your mind that he who must have peace must be ready for war. With that
in mind, never back down in the face of provocation. However, always be mindful
that YOU, not your adversary should be the one to select the time and place for
the fight.

Eat healthy.
My body has felt a lot better since I began to cut down on the junk, so would
yours.

The next one
is one that I’m only beginning to come to terms with, image is everything. Be
mindful of your appearance. The way you are dressed will be the way that you
are addressed. Always be neat and well manicured. It will open doors.

Never be
afraid to show off your knowledge. If people around you do not like the fact
that you are more knowledgeable than they are, direct them to the nearest
toilet with the appropriate instructions on how to insert their heads inside
the bowl.

The last I
can think of now my son, and extremely important: don’t watch football. That
game has an evil spirit, and your father is possessed. I don’t wish that on you
my son, my IfeChukwude. I love you son.

P.S: Another letter to the boy for reference.