Nigeria Content Online

If you are a
business owner in Nigeria and wondering why your profits are worse than
Nigerian stocks, do not go to any jazzman as they do in Nollywood
movies. You must also look beyond Facebook and Twitter, which are
gradually becoming the biggest anti-productivity drugs in the business
environment. Among the latest company to ban its workers from the use
of social networking sites, especially Facebook, is the luxury
automaker, Porsche because it poses a security threat to the company.
Whereas Facebook as a company has minted the freshest and youngest
among Forbes’ list of billionaires in the history of the United States,
the social network site has also cost countries like the United Kingdom
an estimated £14 billion in lost work time, because in that country
where things can be monitored and measured, 6% of its workforce spends
roughly one hour a day facebooking.

Well in my
wonderful country, we cannot really ascertain, even if we tried, the
amount of money employers of labour or Nigeria as a country are losing
because of Facebook in the workplace, reason being that we are trying
to count the number of hours we lose to our lawmakers who are
constantly arguing about how to loot the national coffers by
arbitrarily inflating their salaries and perks.

We have no problem
with social networking when compared to political networking especially
at this time when elections are around the corner. Britain would not
dare to publish its figures if they realised that what they lose to
social networking in the work place is moi-moi money compared to what
we Nigerians lose everyday to one bank MD networking with politicians.

This is not to say
we have no serious issues with Facebooking in Nigeria, just that ours
come in different colours. Facebook has allowed some of our leaders to
make us feel as if we are having a conversation with each other,
whereas you are probably instant messaging your cousin who is sitting
in a well furnished cyber café in Kubua or Yayan Karimu.

So when next you go
to your favourite politicians Facebook page and give him the thumbs up,
just remember you are hailing someone else, because I doubt if any of
the current presidential aspirants with Facebook pages who are busy
networking politically have time for virtual social networking.

Do not get me wrong
because there is much to be gained from Facebook for those that know
how to use it wisely and commercially, but for those that just want to
hang out there like Mami Market, it can be the most disastrous
adventure. Facebook is the biggest tatafo that was ever created. It’s
intended and unintended features can inflict untold pain and hardship
on users, so when next you see your friend’s profile message that reads
“Goodluck is Married to Patience”, just know that he is Facebooking
from the dog house and kindly give him the thumbs up, he will
appreciate you and laugh at your silly jokes when next you post them.

But this is not
where I am going this week; Facebook just sidetracked me, which is one
of its side effects. What I wanted to say earlier is that I think
Africa Magic, the DSTV channels that show Nollywood movies might be the
biggest bleeder of Nigeria businesses. Most homes and small businesses
in Nigeria have their TVs permanently on one version of Africa Magic or
the other.

Haven’t you been to
a hospital, while malaria is racking your bones, the nurse will be busy
chewing gum and waiting for Ramsey Noah to take off his shirt? Or have
you not had one of those experiences where you order rice, but the
waitress brings you an omelette because he or she was engrossed with
the pranksters, Aki and Pawpaw?

My latest
experience on the adverse effect of Africa Magic could be having on
Nigerian businesses was in my barber’s shop. There is a small notice by
his mirror that says a haircut with NEPA costs N200 but with his
I-better-Pass-My-Neighbour generator the price goes up to N300. On this
particular day, there was NEPA but he had his TV on Africa Magic.
Between running the clipper on my hair for two seconds and watching
Genevieve “romance” RMD for three minutes, NEPA took light, leaving me
with a temporary Mohawk, like one of those Benin chiefs during Igue
Festival. I sat livid while he was trying to start his small generator
that was leaking oil all over the environment.

All said and done I gave him N200 and told him I would not pay N300
because he had enough time to cut my hair before NEPA did what they do
best. We stood there looking at each other; he couldn’t believe his
eyes because I usually pay him more than N300 whenever I cut my hair,
but that day I just realised he did not know the difference between
production time and Africa Magic time. And Nigeria has more Africa
Magic addicts than Facebook addicts. When we compute what business lose
to AfricanMagic one day, the moment wont be magical..