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Whooha! Here comes
Egberi Papa 1 of Nigeria- who goes there! Who say you are afraid to
come out and dish explosive blows to your opponents or answer questions
asked by mere mortals? Do they know who you are; do they know the kind
of clay God Himself moulded you from? You are not timber or calibre in
Nigerian politics; you are the solid rock that breaks backs with rock
solid silence. Those who dare to stare directly in your eyes melt away
like ice cream in the sun. Those who stand in your path to the inner
chambers disappear – poof, like a grain of salt dropped in Yenagoa
waters, like government money in politicians’ hands.

Whooha! Who said he
won’t participate in this debate? Since when did the elephant fear
stepping on twigs? A fisher man is never afraid to drink gari with
bonga fish and the tall iroko does not frighten the blue-testicle
monkey. Give it up for our great debater! (Thunderous applause)

Who goes there –
get out of the way, our great debater has surfaced like an ancient
masquerade; let women tighten their wrappers and men adjust their
trousers. The one with a billion and one umbrellas covering his head
has arrived. Our great ruler whose name women yearn to name their
children after has arrived. Whooha! Look at that beautiful round hat
and the basket full of promises, running over like the Psalmist’s cup.
You can’t hoodwink him with your big English; he is not easily swayed.
Let’s clap louder, please, it takes a meek leader to tell his people,
“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, panel of judges, accurate time
keeper, presenter and my co-debaters. I am here to convince you not
confuse you that I am …” Who can frighten him to do what he is wont to
do – does what a man carry in his pocket frighten him?

I say bring them
on, Egberi Papa is ready for them all. Ask your questions and he will
dismember them, for all that think he is afraid to face the policeman
and even the General in a public debate. Do you think the great debater
picked his PhD from Efurun Junction on his way to Abuja? Do you think
the A-talk-and-do of Nigeria politics is a moi-moi man who will catch
cold because of ordinary debate? I say, who goes there! Egberi Papa,
show them you are the man – show them that nothing can stop you from
talking about what you are not going to do if elected.

Whooha! I say clear
the path for the mighty one who has found the time to climb down from
the mountain top to come banter with ordinary citizens.
Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha! He is finally here now. All the people who thought
he was too proud or afraid to face the cameras and dish it out to the
people, he is here now. Bring your questions in buckets and drums.
Bring them in billions like INEC budget. I say bring them, the
questions that are hot like explosives. He is ready for them all; today
he will show you that he is capable of your predicted incapability.

Where are those
broom and pen carrying debaters? The umbrella man has arrived in the
arena. Come out and let’s duel! Our champion debater has one question
for you all: since when did pens and brooms have more national billions
than the umbrella? I repeat my question: who uses bare hands to bail
water from a sinking boat? Answer me this simple question: when you go
to a chief’s palace, do you see men covering his head with broom and
pen or with umbrella? Knockout! Whooha and we have not even started yet.

Rope-a-dope of
Nigeria politics! Fly like a bee and sting like a butterfly. Crank up
that music, boys, it is not every day His Excellency whose patience can
set the country reeling, has time to come and be debating about crucial
national issue and revealing his dreams to us. Today, he will show you
that he is the only one that can convert years of mini-watts to minutes
of mega-watts!

I say where is the
microphone? The promises he has for us are so hot we can no longer
wait… this mic will soon catch fire! Step back, I say step back – don’t
say we did not warn you. Don’t say we did not tell you that when he
finally decides to talk to you people, TV will blow-out like knockout.
What? Are you people ready at all? I say the one you have been waiting
for is here and ready to debate and you are telling me to hold on one
second while you fill the generator with diesel? Your Excellency,
kindly mount the rostrum, please. And does anyone have a flash light
there please? You cannot leave us in this darkness like this. Somebody
do something.