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Excuse the dirt on
the floor, it’s hard to get brooms to buy in Lagos these days. No, you
don’t have to thank me for meeting with you. It was long overdue,
anyway. You are busy and I am busy, but this meeting was necessary so
we both understand one another some more. I also want you to know where
I stand because when you are peeling roasted yam for a blind man, you
have to whistle so he knows you are not eating his yam. We have
misunderstood each other so much lately, but you know how this game is
– very slippery. What can I offer you, sir? Ah no, you have to take
something. Don’t be in a big hurry. I have tuwo and fresh fish pepper
soup. I know you don’t drink, sir, but just in case, I have ogogoro and
burukutu – great stuff. I call it Merger Brew. Be careful, too much of
the drink can be a bit disruptive.

Yes, the matter at
hand. Are you in a rush? That is what I thought – it is raining
outside, so no hurry because I don’t have any umbrella in the house. I
should, right? Anyway, that is not important now; let’s get to business.

You are sweating
badly, sir; sorry, my generator cannot carry the air-conditioner. I
understand, but you need to relax. You have put up a good fight. But
wait, let me be sure my door is properly secured before we start; this
side of town is a bit seedy. You are right, there are serious security
issues in the country and people are edgy these days. So what did you
say your plans were on that? I read your manifesto quite alright, but
it was not so clear to me. What we need are not promises; we need
assurances. Okay, that is good if that is one of the reasons we are
meeting tonight. But we have many expectations and by “we”, I mean a
collective of Nigerians that have decided to take a chance on you. Save
the appreciations; we just want to make sure you do your job when you
win or else there will be consequences. You can’t even begin to imagine
what it takes us to stick out our necks for you.

Here is our list of
expectations from you. Please, we want you to give us your word that
every single one of them will be actualized. No excuses. Say that
again, sir – what do you mean you don’t understand the sentences and
the grammar of the list? Well, what you have in your hands was written
by one of the young graduates from our university. Sorry, I can’t
explain that to you – it should remind you of the dire need to
resurrect our comatose educational system as soon as you settled down.
There is nothing as volatile as a half-baked graduate.

What? You can
barely hear me? Oh, you mean the noise? Sorry, sir, it is a combination
of the multiple generators from my neighbours’ compound. No, we have
not had electricity in days. Sometimes, we go for weeks without a
flash. We generate our own light and water. You know that, right? I am
sure that is no news to you. Yeah, a state of emergency on power will
be more like it. Thank you for the promise of more megawatts but do you
know what the blind wife of a hunter said? Not until I taste my
husband’s elephant meat, I refuse to believe the villagers’ hype. Hold
on, let me put some petrol in the generator. I won’t be long. Take it
easy on my Merger Brew, sir.

Sorry about that. I
am sure you did not find the darkness funny. That is what we have to
deal with almost every night, so we are really depending on you to
change things quick. If we vote for you and we are still left in the
dark – let’s just say it won’t be business as usual because thunder can
break. So let your guys know, sir. No, I am not threatening you, sir.
We are having a civil conversation under one umbrella to figure out how
we can sweep away corruption in the power sector, right?

I am not angry. I
already told you we have decided to vote for you because we have
weighed our options and we would like to give you a shot. And if you
don’t deliver within a short period of time, we will be having this
conversation again the way my mother used to discuss with me when I did
something wrong. And I still have memories of fiery, whistling leather
belts, sir.

We are done, sir. I wish you the very best. Do you have any message
for Nigerians heading to the polls tomorrow? Say that again. You make
me laugh, sir. Some people might misinterpret that o. Okay, if those
are the only words you have for them, I have no choice, sir. I will
tell them you wish every single one of them “Good luck!”