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Till recently the
president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria has been my good friend:
someone I look up to and respect immensely; a ruler I believed to be a
true leader; the still water that runs deep in our national polity; a
man that survived the Alcatraz of treacherously lecherous cabalists in
the Villa. I mean, this dude is the first president we can proudly say
has a PhD that is not honorary since Nigerian shook off the shackles of
colonialism fifty years ago.

Yes, fifty years
ago and we are celebrating our golden jubilee come this October in a
very big way – and guess what our President, Dr. Goodluck Ebele
Jonathan did? The prudent president is seeking approval for a meagre
N9billion from the Senate to celebrate, when we are not in a recession!
This is Nigeria we are talking about here; the world’s HQ of big
ostentatious partying. Yet, our president is asking for ordinary N9
billion.

I know our number
one citizen has his hands full and his brain is overflowing with
solving the seven-point agenda Medusa, so no time to check the pulse of
the economic boom outside Aso Rock. But I think every now and then, he
should take some time off and talk to his staff, if he had been doing
this regularly, he would have realised that N9billion cannot buy five
fishes and two loaves of bread.

Ghana will soon be
laughing at us. Why? Because Ghana’s golden jubilee that shook the
entire world had a budget of $20 million and we are only surpassing
their budget with a pittance of about $ 40 million!

The question I want
to ask the president is, what are we going to do with all the money we
make from crude oil? Are we going to start burning the surplus in
cemeteries and taking baths with the ash? Our roads are better
designed, better tarred and better maintained than anywhere else in
this God created earth. Even if they weren’t, will N9 billion buy one
truckload of gravel to pave a kilometre? Of course not! N9 billion is
what we Nigerians throw to a tollbooth attendant on our roads paved
with gold.

Let’s assume that
we did not have constant power supply (God forbid bad thing) since we
gained independence, does the president think N9 billion will leave a
dent in making sure such a nightmare is rectified? I am not an engineer
but I know definitely that the money the president is requesting to
throw a Golden Jubilee party is too small to even buy a transformer for
my village in Esan.

The more I look at
this matter the more I wonder if my able President understands what
this independence means to our people? We are talking about celebrating
fifty years of good governance and undiluted democracy, coup and war
free, free scholarships, vibrant civil services, an eclectic middle
class, jobs for every graduate, no militancy and no foreign debt. I am
talking about half a century of being the GIANT OF AFRICA, which means
we have fared better post-colonially than any other African country. I
can already hear the guffaws from other African nations, berating us
for spending such a small amount to celebrate our independence.

And I can tell you
what Kenya is going to say: “I don’t think these Nigerians value their
independence at all, maybe because they did not experience the Mau Mau
Uprising.” And Angola would chuckle and say, “I doubt if those people
actually have oil money”.

Let’s even look at
the N9b breakdown – N2 billion for Ministries of Foreign Affairs,
Information and Communication and Women Affairs. And my question to Mr.
President – is this just “spraying” money? Does the president know how
much it will cost to rebrand a Golden Jubilee, or is Dora sleeping? And
he better be ready for the First Lady when she complains that the money
will not be enough to buy asoebi and gele for the guests of the
Ministry of Women Affairs.

Guess who will get
the beggarly amount of N1billion if the budget is approved? Our Uniform
Services – we are talking about our first class-trained police, army,
airforce and navy and let’s not leave out LASTMA. I think they should
protest and tell the president, enough is enough, we cannot even pay
our dry cleaners with that amount, so increase it sir.

And the budget
request further says that the Office of the Secretary to the Federation
will spend N6 billion. If I were the secretary, I would raise hell
because these days N6 billion is not enough to plan one’s daughter’s
first birthday party, not to talk of a Golden Jubilee.

Honestly, I think
the President should ask for more, we are not a poor nation and we love
to gbadum. We should show the world that all is well with us, we are an
oil-producing nation and we’ve had a stellar performance since we
decided to rule ourselves. We should let naira rain and spend it like
there is no tomorrow.

So Presido, please, before the Senate approves that ordinary N9
billion, raise the budget so we can raise the roof, come October 1st.