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It is exactly over
familiarity with the dog that in my case breeds my utter contempt for
the idea of eating dog meat.How I am possibly expected to eat some
domesticable constantly salivating animal that smells like a dank rug,
eats its own fecal matter, licks its privates and has the capacity to
exercise an uncanny intrinsic intuition, is beyond my culinary
comprehension.
It just does not
feel right to eat dog.

It does not therefore follow that I am one of
those people who would sleep in the same bed with a dog, play chess
with the dog and then take it to the South of France on holiday.
I have absolutely no desire for dog companionship. I have not yet even perfected my fellowship with human beings. If there is
something hypocritical about attempting to determine which animal to
eat or not to eat by the animal’s intelligence, affability to human
beings, hygiene and other unpredictable parameters then let it be so.
And by the way, I have the utmost respect for the moral courage or
self-righteousness or strength of conviction or whatever, that it takes
for the vegetarian/vegan to say an unshakable “No” to placing himself at
the apex of the food chain and eating everything beneath him.
Until further
notice I am a meat eater, not a liberal one, but nonetheless one.

My
sensibilities are easily offended and I still constantly wonder whether
since one is not eating dog, one should also not eat pork since pigs
are said to be the most intelligent “domestic” animals in the world,
and since George Orwell’s allegorical Animal Farm considers them so
intelligent to be worthy representatives of our domineering and
presumptuous humanity.

The reality is that
Nigerians eat dog, and to the degree of “well well”. In the same manner
that we eat monkey and horse and camel and deer, and goat and beef,
whatever meat presents itself and appeals to us. It is probably more
psychologically honest and healthy to admit this than to say one eats
one meat and not another.
We Nigerians generally tend to have a nonjudgmental straightforward relationship to our meat.
We have the capacity to view the slaughtering of the animal and still eat its meat without any iota of remorse.
As harrowing as it
may be for someone from another culture to be presented a dish called
Isi-Ewu with eyeballs, brains, tongue and parts of the skull of a goat
so brazenly tossed with vegetables, to us it is completely commonplace,
and completely delicious.

I believe that
people like myself who have urban dwellers’ hang-ups about eating dog
are in the context of Nigeria, a minority. Dog meat is being consumed
in Plateau and Gombe, in Akwa Ibom, Cross River, Abuja and in Ondo, and
these are only the states that are consistently documented.
In Cross River
State, dog meat is affectionately referred to as 404, where it is a
serious delicacy. Sit-outs on Hawkins Street in Calabar South, and in
an area called Adiabo are renowned for their dog meat prepared in
special sauces. Dog is not cooked in stews, since like Isi-Ewu, or
Suya, it is the not an accompaniment to a meal, rather a delicacy
deserving of all the attention worthy to be paid a main course. People
who go to the mentioned joints often do so specifically to eat dog.

Why 404? I asked
Nsor Nyambi, whose witty exposes on Calabar and Cross River have helped
me navigate the culture as well as have a good laugh. “…Because dogs
run with speed like the 404” he said.

The 404 is of
course the Peugeot sedan (“pijo” in Nigerian lingua franca and “piyot”,
soft “t” in CrossRiverian articulation) that my generation caught a
passing glimpse of before the more enduring 504. At the time, the 404
sedan was considered very fast indeed, and when Crossriverians were
searching for a worthy comparison for the speed of a running dog, 404
was the exaggerated equivalent. And I suppose there is some wicked
irony in terming a type of meat running meat; running as fast as a car,
yet not outrunning the eater.

As to whether
Nigerians who eat dog are 100% comfortable with the idea, I wonder why
if it is so, that no one I have asked if they eat dog has ever given me
a straightforward “yes”.
It is always “those Akwa Ibom people” or “those Ondo town people”.
And those rare people who admit to eating it don’t do so without
looking mischievous, and they never just eat because they enjoy doing
so. They eat it because it is a cure for malaria, or it wards off Juju
or it improves your sex drive…