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On the 50th
anniversary of Nigeria’s independence, Adams Oshiomole, governor of Edo
State, warned the nation against “focusing on the negative issues.”
Supposedly, this barbed comment was directed at the press and other
critics by a one-time “comrade” who spent much of his life in trade
unionism, attacking governance (or lack of it) in Nigeria. The comfort
of government house in Benin could be blunting Mr. Oshiomole’s cutting
edge and blinding him to the suffering of the common man.

Governors’
residences in Nigeria are practically in situ laboratories for the
horticulturist – massive compounds of lush green, breathtaking,
tropical vegetation – palms and pines, acacia, eucalyptus, roses,
zinnias and marigolds! Swimming pools and gyms, tennis and squash
courts, serviced limousines and chalets await relations and
girlfriends. Power cuts are anathema! And sometimes, cartons of cash,
held in safe keeping for the people by the governor, are found in the
rooms of state house.

If you live in
America or Europe, South Africa, Dubai, or anywhere, and you have a
state governor, minister, or commissioner for a relative, then this
Christmas message is not for you. Your benefactor will send an Angel of
the Lord armed with automatic weapons and described as “my orderly” or
“protocol officer” to clear you at the airport and take care of further
transport and security matters.

But perhaps your
social conscience is developed enough under the circumstances to note
some ethical issues – that the orderly and protocol people are on the
payroll of the public service. Their emoluments derive from the blood,
sweat, and tears of the Nigerian taxpayer. Kinship does not entitle you
to their services.

Most Nigerians
living abroad and returning to spend Christmas, on the contrary, have
no such godfathers and, therefore, must contend with horrendous
problems of security and safety that are part of life in this republic.
We should not be bullied by privileged politicians into leading
uncritical lives and refuse to focus on issues threatening the lives of
Nigerians.

Do’s and don’ts

On arrival this
Christmas, beware of being lured into conversation by strangers, while
not remaining stone-faced and aloof. Either by dress, speech or
mannerism, don’t give yourself away as “foreign.” Complaining about
electricity convulsions will show you have not been living with us. If
a chat is unavoidable, then limit to abstract events.

Do not personalise
and dominate conversation, bragging about your achievements, as many
Nigerians do. Listen more and ask questions. Make your exit from the
chat abrupt, apologise you’ve run out of business cards.

For road journeys
and checkpoints, remove airline tags and stickers on baggage. Cab
drivers are the fountain of all knowledge. Talk to the driver with
confidence to find out the state of things in the country. Never get
into any argument with the police at road blocks, but don’t offer an
unsolicited bribe. Leave the driver to do most of the talking and
negotiating. Don’t get out of the vehicle and start making phone calls.

Avoid lecturing the
officers on how much better the cops in America or England are.
Remember, the police at a road block in the middle of nowhere have got
guns, and you’re at their mercy! The police may ask who you are and
where you’re going. There is nothing wrong with that. Identify yourself
correctly, but think twice about handing over your passport to anyone,
except at the Immigration or Customs desk, or to the SSS at the point
of entry or exit.

There’s nothing you can do about criminals masking as security
agents at bogus checkpoints! That is a recent mutation of criminality!
Good luck!