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This story had
receded to the innermost part of my hard drive; but, recently, when I
heard that our newly appointed foreign coach Lars Lagerback, was being
paid a whopping amount for only five months and the same source
revealed that it was exactly what the coach was paid for one year in
Sweden before his move to Nigeria; the seed that has been sown by my
muse, immediately ignited my quill to use.

It would not be the
first time and I doubt if this will be the last time things like this
will be happening in our nation. In fact, it has become the norm; but I
can only speak of what I know, what I have seen and what I have heard.
This space cannot contain the things that I imagine.

I really do not
want you to wonder for too long how stand-up comedy connects football.
If for nothing, they are both the most entertaining events in Nigeria
and even the entire globe right now. They both attract a kind of crowd
that ordinarily you would not find anywhere except where politicians
are gathered to share the meat.

In stand-up comedy,
the comedian performs and the audience responds; in football, the
footballers play and score, then the crowd responds. If they play well,
they get cheered but are booed when the opposite happens. The same
happens with comedy. When the comedian is not funny enough, he is booed
off the stage. All football clubs have managers, most comedians have
managers or they manage themselves. All football clubs have coaches,
the comedians at one time or the other have a role model or a teacher,
or at least somebody they could refer to as a mentor who okays their
performance or their rise to stardom.

An individual who
wakes up a talented footballer or comedian must hone this skill,
otherwise he will become rusty and ineffective. Then every footballer
believes he is a superstar and most comedians believe they have grown
beyond stars; they are super-moons. We could go on and on but let me
quickly narrow the comparison to why they both do what they do: for the
money. Incidentally, from a distance they both look like the easiest of
tasks to perform, until all eyes are on you.

In Abuja, most of
the government bodies have learnt to invite foreign (Lagos) based
stand-up comedians to anchor or perform in their events. It is not
because these Lagos based comedians are better than the Abuja based
comedians. These officials go out of the FCT because it is a known fact
that a prophet does not have honour in his hometown and, secondly, they
make more money from dealing with foreign (Lagos) based comedians and
they can justify the amount paid to these comedians by saying they are
superstars.

Exactly the same
scenario goes with the Lagerback issue. How much will the NFF officials
make from re-hiring Shuabu Amodu? Everybody wants to make it in his own
time.

By now, the
accusation by Glen Hoddles, one of the foreign coaches that failed the
NFF interview, that our officials in the football house asked for a
certain amount to be added as their cut to his fee if he wants the job,
has been buried unceremoniously. It is very common knowledge that
superstar stand-up comedians based in Lagos earn about N2 million per
performance while their Abuja based counterparts, that can deliver the
same goods with the same flavour, have never been paid beyond N80,000.

How did I know?
Well, I spoke to Oma Oma, the Co-ordinator of the Abuja Body of
Comedians (ABC) and he narrated an experience after he was nominated to
handle the MC job for one ministry. The officials in the committee said
they will not make more than two or three hundred thousand from him;
whereas, if they call someone from Lagos, they will definitely realize
at least six to seven hundred thousand naira from the deal. And some
people still think Glen Hoddle was just shouting because he was not
given the job, and that he wanted to rub the good name of the NFF in
the mud.

A plumber who came to repair some damaged items in my toilet said to
me, when I caught him in his lies because he doubled the price of some
of the items he bought, “Oga, e nor get any body wey nor dey talk lie,
I never see….” I do not have anything against Lars Lagerback; but for
the connotation of his names LAST LAGER BACK and I really am no fan of
Shuabu Amodu, because he never really impressed me any day while he was
at the helm of affairs of the Super Eagles. My problem is the way
corruption has eaten deep into every fabric of society and when I say
‘every’, I mean no one or no agency or organization, whether government
or private is left out. “Let him who is without sin cast the first
stone” at this story. We need change.