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These are indeed
heady days for politicians. Meanwhile these are perplexing days for
other citizens. Election fever is in the air and things are moving in
rather interesting ways. Some “Excellencies” thrown up by the world
acclaimed defective electoral processes of 2007 have been shooed away
and political equations and formulations are emerging in new twists and
turns.

The removal of some
governors has been neat and received with spontaneous celebrations of
victories delayed. Some have been less straightforward. Take a look at
the one of Delta State. There is going to be a rerun. Due to other
happenings that have eliminated some of those who ran in 2007, such as
death, carpet crossing or perhaps withering away of platforms, the
ex-governor was about to possibly contest against himself. But then the
codes were redefined and he can now look forward to a fight.

The build up to the
2011 elections makes headlines daily. Imagine how innovative Nigerians
can get in their bid to steal an election – by simply stealing data
capturing machines. If I had one of those I could possibly generate
enough voters’ cards to warrant the creation of several wards in my
yard. And then I could market the cards or the election. In the past we
have witnessed the grabbing of ballot boxes during election days; the
employment of folks with stiff thumbs to thumb the cards and thump the
election. Elections reduce unemployment! This election is also the
first (correct me if I am wrong) to throw up a regionally endorsed
candidate of a particular party to confront a candidate that arguably
runs on a national platform.

New ambition, new platform

And what do you say
when a minister who spent months brandishing a rebranding or rebranded
Nigeria suddenly rebranding herself as a candidate for the senate, not
on her party ticket but on another platform? Could it have anything to
do with expiry dates of party formations, going by NAFDAC rules?

Come on, that is
nothing new on these shores. If you are keen to seek elective office,
you do not have to be encumbered by party loyalty. If party A does not
give you the ticket, you can simply do a moonwalk on the carpet and
pick up the ticket of a party you previously opposed. Call it a game or
a dance. Call it what you like. What is important is that you grab a
ticket and place your face on the ballot paper.

Do not be surprised if Atiku Abubakar or even Goodluck Jonathan end up running on platforms you have never heard of.

Profitable venture

But what does it
matter what party platform you contest on? If you are running for a
seat in the Senate or in the House of Representatives, you may well be
simply embarking on a most lucrative business venture. Seeing that the
folks in the National Assembly have the knife and the yam as far as
their personal emoluments are concerned, who would begrudge you if your
desire is to say good bye to poverty, and that as quickly as possible,
before the national economy goes kaput?

Nigerian law makers
may well be termed money makers. But don’t you know the money trickles
down? We get regaled with stories of senators and representatives who
utilise their constituency allowances so judiciously that at least some
people in their areas can boast of being given motor cycles, sewing
machines and bags of salt. Do you imagine that those constituency
projects will not move Nigeria to the next level?

I cannot imagine
why the uproar that these folks in Abuja do earn 10 times more than
their Ghanaian counterparts. Or that David Mark earns almost 10 times
more than Barak Obama. Are we in Ghana or the United States of America?

What if these
legislators have gulped N385.80 billion as salaries and benefits since
their inauguration and are sure to swallow N515.80 billion by the time
they end their four years term? Nigerians have to know that Abuja is an
expensive city and these folks have to recover their electoral
investment – the bags of salt, the payment of thugs that helps to fight
unemployment on election days, the bottles of schnapps and beer. Yes?

I laughed out loud
when I read an analysis that says that the money grabbed by the
lawmakers in Abuja is enough to set up infrastructure to generate 2,572
megawatts of electricity. I think the analyst does not know if the
bellies of these lawmakers are wired and connected to the national
grid, we won’t need any further infrastructure to generate electricity.

It has also been
said that the cash they have cornered is enough to build four brand new
refineries and refurbish the four existing ones as an icing on the
cake. What do you need more refineries for? Do you want to throw the
petroleum products speculators into the poverty line? Haba? Have you
paused to imagine how much petroleum products can be obtained if we
simply give these political fat cats bottles to collect their golden
urine and ship to the Nigerian National Petroleum Company?

Okay, so many eyes
are set on the hollow, sorry hallowed, chambers of the national
assembly come 2011. I wish you luck and indeed I may vote for you
irrespective of what platform you stand on since there are no
ideological demarcations and no party programmes to prosecute and
defend.

With all the
goodies available in National Assembly and considering the fact that
you can simply get there with two items on your agenda: grab and sleep,
you may assume I am running too. You are right. However, I am running
from the Senate.