Nigeria Content Online

Let me tell you a
story. Eons ago, the white man came to the great Benin Kingdom and
plundered the place, making away with several artifacts. These
artifacts now enjoy lush air-conditioned exile abroad, where overfed
folks with a lot of time on their hands coo over them in places called
museums. They are now called art pieces. They don’t want to come back
to Nigeria because their siblings who were unfortunate not to have been
stolen now languish in filth, misery and neglect in Nigerian “museums”
and rue the day a monocled idiot did not steal them. Every now and then
they traipse off with half the Nigerian populace and present forged
papers to the Americans who yell at them and their ancestors and send
them back to their hovels from whence they came.

Unfortunately, the
plight of the “art pieces” in London and other fancy places is the
obsession of white liberals and their black sidekicks who truly believe
that these pieces belong back in the great Benin Kingdom, which is no
more. Recently, these idle busybodies got enraged when news came out
that the offspring of the looters were set to sell a stolen Benin ivory
mask for about $5 million. They staged petitions, protests, sit-ins and
made all sorts of noises unto the Lord until Sotheby’s the auction
house halted the sale. Victory? Well, not quite: The looter-owners have
probably realised that the controversy would raise the value of the
mask. Next time, watch for the mask to sell for $10 million. Life is
good.

Are these busybody
petitioners just now noticing that the piece has been missing? One
bleeding heart liberal wailed that the mask needed to return to
“Africa” because it houses a spirit. Arrant racist nonsense. Democracy
is razing through Africa, burning her up more than malaria and AIDS
combined and our people are worried about a mask. I say sell the mask,
who cares? If the Oba of Benin wants his ivory mask back, he should ask
any of our resident leader-thieves to go buy it from their fellow
thieves. The piece was being auctioned for only $5 million dollars;
some of our misrulers steal that every day. Why the drama?

Western liberals
irritate me. They imagine a triumphant return of a mask to a giddy mass
of blacks waiting for the return of their spiritual leader, the Mask.
They see us waiting in broken airports for the return of The Masked
One. I will personally stone anyone responsible for bringing that mask
back to Nigeria. Where are we going to house it anyway? A country that
cannot take care of her citizens has no business wasting time on an
ivory mask carved from the ivory tusk of a cute elephant. These
liberals are the same characters that are up in arms against the
poaching of elephants for ivory in Africa. To follow their logic, we
should return the mask to the king of the elephant kingdom.

To return the mask
to Nigeria is to sentence it to a most unfair future. Teju Cole’s book,
‘Every Day is for the Thief’ describes the fate of another Benin mask
that was actually returned to Nigeria. The then Head of State, General
Yakubu Gowon gave it away as a gift to a visiting Queen Elizabeth of
England. This particular Benin Queen Mother head had been originally
stolen by the British in 1897 and only returned in the 1950s to help
set up the Nigerian National Museum. The British, this time around,
have absolutely no intention of returning the work. I say they have
every right to keep their gift.

Our intellectuals
could start a letter writing campaign to protest the fact that fully a
quarter of our budget goes to supporting the legislative branch (or
something similarly outrageous). How many of these do-gooders have
signed a petition against the wanton abuse and murder of the “witch
children” of Nigeria? That I will sign. I have an idea. Let us start a
petition against the West: Dear West, do not allow any penny to leave
Nigeria (use Nigeria as a test pilot). Our leader thieves may steal but
they must spend the money on and in Nigeria. Do not permit any of our
bastard leaders to go abroad for “medical attention!” Now you are
talking. I will sign that one.

There is a petition against the wanton
murder of the witch children of Akwa Ibom. Please find it online and
sign it. Each child is priceless compared to the price of a mask that
was carved from the ivory tusks of an unfortunate elephant. And I don’t
want the mask back. Somebody may use it to drink gari in our “museum”
because she has not been paid. Please keep the mask abroad until we get
our act together. Have a great life, mask. By the way, if you want to
know the fate of “art pieces” in Nigeria’s museums, and of “flora and
fauna” in Nigeria’s zoological and botanical gardens, please read Teju
Cole’s book and weep. Our leaders should be shot.