Nigeria Content Online

Former
head of corporate communications at the British Council, Omotola
Oyebanjo, is launching a music career. ‘Motola, as she now wants to be
called, took the decision after moonlighting as a musician for 15
years. “Music has always been a passion for me. Even when I was
pursuing my career, I couldn’t give it up totally; it just kept pushing
itself to the forefront as much as I tried to keep it in check,” she
explains, while disclosing what informed the switch.

Happily for Motola,
her two new singles, ‘Nobody’, featuring her husband, and ‘Ase Ni’,
produced by Wole Oni, are already getting airplay on radio. Oni also
produced Lara George’s famous song, ‘Ijoba Orun’ and Midnight Crew’s
‘Igwe’. Motola describes working with him as “a real pleasure.” She
adds, “When I was shopping for a producer, I was looking out for
someone who could bring my music to life in an amazing way and he’s
really done that.”

She explains the
thrust of her music thus: “I’m here to share a special message; that
there is hope in the midst of hopelessness, that your dreams are still
achievable, that it’s not over until you’ve won and that, with God, you
can be all you want to be. I am a proof to all these and I simply want
to help others see and enjoy the same blessings.”

Work is also ongoing on Motola’s as yet untitled debut album. “I’m
working towards getting it ready for the end of this year. It will
include strong inspiring songs and I’m also thinking of including a
special song to celebrate Christmas, so keep your fingers crossed,” she
says.

Former
head of corporate communications at the British Council, Omotola
Oyebanjo, is launching a music career. ‘Motola, as she now wants to be
called, took the decision after moonlighting as a musician for 15
years. “Music has always been a passion for me. Even when I was
pursuing my career, I couldn’t give it up totally; it just kept pushing
itself to the forefront as much as I tried to keep it in check,” she
explains, while disclosing what informed the switch.

Happily for Motola,
her two new singles, ‘Nobody’, featuring her husband, and ‘Ase Ni’,
produced by Wole Oni, are already getting airplay on radio. Oni also
produced Lara George’s famous song, ‘Ijoba Orun’ and Midnight Crew’s
‘Igwe’. Motola describes working with him as “a real pleasure.” She
adds, “When I was shopping for a producer, I was looking out for
someone who could bring my music to life in an amazing way and he’s
really done that.”

She explains the
thrust of her music thus: “I’m here to share a special message; that
there is hope in the midst of hopelessness, that your dreams are still
achievable, that it’s not over until you’ve won and that, with God, you
can be all you want to be. I am a proof to all these and I simply want
to help others see and enjoy the same blessings.”

Work is also ongoing on Motola’s as yet untitled debut album. “I’m
working towards getting it ready for the end of this year. It will
include strong inspiring songs and I’m also thinking of including a
special song to celebrate Christmas, so keep your fingers crossed,” she
says.

The
Copyright Society of Nigeria (COSON) has taken another step towards
reforming the Nigerian music industry, by launching a project to create
a comprehensive database of musical works and content creators in the
country. The society wants all copyright owners of sound and music
recordings in the country to provide it with detailed information on
their work. Copyright owners can supply the details in person at
COSON’s office in Ikeja, Lagos, or online at www.cosonng.com.

According to COSON,
Nigeria currently lacks a functional database of its music recordings
and creators. “We have discovered from the thousands of files at COSON
that a lot of songwriters have not provided a complete list of their
works. Some have provided none at all. Where there are publishers or
co-authors, the information is scanty. Others have changed addresses
without notifying COSON,” said Mr Vincent Adawaisi, the group’s Head of
Data Technology.

The
information-gathering project is coming on the heels of COSON’s
landmark deployment of a digital management system for musical works
and digital recordings. The technology, WIPOCOS, was installed in July
by experts from the Geneva-based World Intellectual Property
Organisation (WIPO).

COSON was in May
2010 recognised by the Nigerian Copyright Commission as a Collective
Management Organisation (CMO). It is Nigeria’s only government-approved
CMO. As a CMO, COSON is empowered by law to administer all rights and
royalties pertaining to sound and music recordings in Nigeria. To do
this, the organisation must depend on a comprehensive database of
musical works and their creators and copyright owners. “If these
copyright owners do not update the information in the system, it may
affect the royalties they collect at the end of the day and we don’t
want that to happen,” Mr Adawaisi said.

The Chairman of COSON, Tony Okoroji, is excited about the
organisation’s potential to transform the Nigerian music industry.
Speaking during the visit of the WIPO mission to Nigeria in July, he
said, “I have no doubt that the work we are doing at COSON will
fundamentally revolutionise the music industry in Nigeria. I am proud
of the COSON board and the brilliant young management team… We intend
to make the best use of this opportunity to build a solid legacy for
the Nigerian creative community. We look forward to working closely
with WIPO in the days to come and thank the Nigerian Copyright
Commission for supporting the mission.”

A
Lagos based outfit, The Multicolour’s Upscale Interior and Home
Accessories, is to hold its first exhibition, a novel display of
unusual clocks. Themed “Clockamania”, the exhibition opens at ‘The
Place’ in Ikeja GRA, Lagos, on Sunday, August 8.

At a press
conference held on July 29, 2010 in Lagos, the exhibitions organiser,
Adebusola Akinnubi, informed that ‘Clockmania’ is to hold over a period
of seven days at the venue, and is scheduled to close on Saturday
August 14.

The CEO of
Multicolours, Mrs. Akinnubi said she started the clock shop as a means
of giving Nigerians a variety of functional lovely clocks in their
homes and offices, which at the same time beautifies their living and
working environments. “I attended a clock exhibition abroad, that was
where I got the inspiration to do this kind of exhibition in Nigeria,”
she said.

The CEO-turned
exhibition curator added that, “We have two hundred variety of clocks,
from the small table clocks, to wall clocks and floor clocks such as
classic grandfather clocks which are not the run-of-the-mill that
people are used to seeing every day.” She is offering a ten percent
discount on every clock purchased during the exhibition.”

According to
Akinnubi, the exhibition also aims to impress upon Nigerians the need
to keep to time. Arriving late at events and occasions, has long been a
part of their everyday lifestyle, she observed. Therefore, it is
suggested that an exhibition like ‘Clockmania’ will enable viewers to
appreciate the essence of time in the society and in everyday life.

Responding further
to media questions about the motivation behind the establishment of a
clock house rather than any other business, Mrs Akinnubi said, “Life is
built around time; I do not want to follow trends but add beauty and
style to individual homes. I do not believe in ‘African Time’ like the
way it is said in Nigeria. I am a unique person I believe in doing
something in a different dimension. The passion for it moved me to
start the business of clocks.”

She expressed the
hope that individuals who show up for ‘Clockmania’ will go beyond the
aesthetics of the clocks on display and consider the importance of time.

‘Clockmania’ is at The Place, Isaac John Street, Ikeja GRA, from August 8 to 14.

The performance by
Akeem Lasisi and his Songbirds was the springboard for the critical
examination of Africa’s future done at the 2010 Centre for Black and
African Arts and Civilization (CBAAC) lecture held on July 22 at Afe
Babalola Hall, University of Lagos.

Lasisi, two-time
winner of the ANA/Cadbury Prize for Poetry, opened with ijala chants
before doing ‘Eleleture’, the title track of his soon-to-be-released
album. The hall turned to a laughter chamber as the poet, backed by
Awoko and Edaoto, attempted to woo a lady with some stirring love
poems. The coy lady initially refused to ‘fall’ but later succumbed to
the poet’s tender lyrics. Guests, including those on the high table,
shared in the joy of Lasisi’s conquest with their laughter when the
lady eventually agreed.

Speakers
thereafter addressed the theme of the lecture, ‘Reinventing Africa for
the Challenges of the Twenty-first Century’. Vice chancellor of the
University of Lagos (UNILAG), Adetokunbo Sofoluwe, remarked that it was
“interesting and challenging.”

Culture is strategic

Director General
of CBAAC, Tunde Babawale, noted that though many African countries had
great hopes at independence 50 years ago, the continent is plagued with
civil strife, political instability, unemployment and corruption. He
nonetheless affirmed that Africa can still attain its dreams of
development if a number of steps are taken. Babawale said efforts must
be made to develop and sustain home-grown technologies to drive the
quest for improved energy source, industrialization and food security.

Africa’s culture,
he added, “has a vital role to play in re-positioning our continent and
country for the enormous challenges of this century. We risk stagnation
if our efforts to develop are not properly linked to our culture.
Culture is so strategic to the development of science and technology
that we can only ignore it at our own peril.”

Chair of the
occasion and a former vice chancellor of UNILAG, Oye Ibidapo-Obe, also
stressed the importance of reinventing Africa. He noted that physical
demarcations will be over soon and “whether the West likes it or not,
the world will be one in 20 years time; it will be a virtual world.”
Ibidapo-Obe reiterated that Africa has to reinvent itself so it doesn’t
melt away. He added that the continent has to conquer time and “make it
our own slave because it waits for no one” in its quest for progress.

Chair, CBAAC
board, Semiu Adesina Bakinson, said though Africa has quite a lot of
problems, they are not insurmountable. “If we are to reinvent our
continent to effectively face the challenges of this century, we should
as a matter of necessity reorder our priorities. We should ask
ourselves if our actions can aid the realisation of our dreams,” he
noted.

The minister of
tourism, culture and national orientation, Abubakar Sadiq Muhammed,
expressed satisfaction with CBAAC’s performance so far. He also touched
on Africa’s many troubles, but noted that “these challenges can be used
as spring boards to greatness.” Muhammed’s address was read by Martins
Adaji, acting artistic director of the National Troupe of Nigeria.

No to foreign aid

The guest
lecturer, Julius Ihonvbere, was frank in evaluating Africa’s state in
his well received lecture. The professor of Political Science noted
that it is sad that Africa remains in deep trouble, despite the fact
that a number of countries on the continent have been independent for
50 years.

“It is
embarrassing to note that there is not one area of politics, economy,
and society where any African state could be said to have been so
successful that its example should be a lesson to the world. Even where
the issues, contradictions, and needs are so glaring, the post-colonial
state in Africa and its custodians have managed to snatch failure and
confusion from the palms of success,” he said.

The special
adviser to former president Olusegun Obasanjo on policy and programmes
monitoring added that though “Africa is changing, even if reluctantly
and slowly,” four critical steps needed to be taken to truly reinvent
the continent. Ihonvbere highlighted reforming the state; redefining
and strengthening leadership at all levels; reforming Africa’s
political parties for democracy; and building the constitution on the
people, as the needed measures.

“The international
community does not need to give aid to Africa,” Ihonvbere began while
castigating foreign aid, which some argue ties Africa perpetually to
the apron strings of the West.

“What the
continent needs is access to the markets, relevant technology, support
for the process of transformation, and empowerment of the people and
their organisations. President Obama says Africa does not need
strongmen, but strong institutions. The truth is that we need both.

“But we must be
vigilant to ensure that the strongmen have vision, credibility,
integrity, compassion, dignity, intellect, courage, and a passion for
progress. We must ensure that the institutions are transparent,
accountable, democratic, people-focused and people-driven. In this way,
we can truly reinvent Africa for progress,” he concluded.

Ibidapo-Obe, who enjoyed the lecture like everybody else, had a
recommendation concerning the school children present at the end of the
day. “Give a copy of the lecture to the children. Julius has done
damage mending with his lecture. Though you may not understand some of
the grammar, get a dictionary. Your parents can also explain what you
don’t know,” he said in reference to the children who witnessed the
last show of shame by members of the House of Representatives when they
fought themselves.

♦

August dances through

a swath of harvested cornfields

its costume is copper

♦

its song the guttural intonation

of rasping leaves

its choreography the nimble steps

♦

of a long and practiced mask.

On first-name terms with the wind,

it knows how to mine dry tonalities

♦

from its wet and wayward ways,

dredging little laughters

from the depth of sunless seasons.

♦

Thunder sleeps in its mouth

lightning zigzags in the

calligraphy on its palm.

♦

Peeping through greenhouse windows

in the house of the sky

wondering how many rains will

♦

douse the fires of our careless cravings,

it eavesdrops the grey whisper

between the tumbling shower

♦

and the waiting roof. . .

♦

Said Sky to Earth, his wife,

“Be my love, not my lover,

Let’s hide behind this shower curtain

And dance the endless dance. . .”

♦

August heard it all

and chuckled like a tickled rascal.

One of the most
gratifying manifestations in the growth and professionalism of
photography in Nigeria is how the present ‘young’ generation of
photographers have embraced the ideals of working together in
collectives, networking and their staunch refusal to be drawn into the
simplistic frame of mind that they are in competition with one another
as photographers.

They have, by
adopting these positive ideals, been able to achieve as a group, a
remarkable level of social responsibility in generating a huge body of
authentic documentary images of ourselves as a people in all spheres of
life. Our eminent historians and literary people have always advocated
that we are, and remain, the best positioned people to write our
history and tell our stories. Our photographers have now followed suit.

A lot of praise
must go to Uche James Iroha, an accomplished international-award
winner, for his brave and unselfish decision to invite other equally
talented, aspiring and inspired photographers to collectively
contribute towards the production of Unifying Africa; a book of huge
relevance, captivating images and in-depth documentary strength.

This book offers a
comprehensive coverage on the very important and topical subject of how
Africans participate in and celebrate the world’s most popular and
beautiful game, Football. It offers lasting evidence to show that, for
long, Africans have brought their own special traits; on the field as
players and in the terraces and beyond as spectators and fans, to the
game of football.

A visual feast

As the Chinese say,
many more flowers make a garden more beautiful. And in Unifying Africa,
we are given a wonderful visual feast served up by diverse ‘specialist’
eyes/views on the enormous impact of football on the lives of Africans
and vice versa.

A 460-page
hardcover ‘horizontal’ coffee-table book, Unifying Africa; edited by
Uche James Iroha, is a beautifully-printed and packaged book. Right
from the unique cover image of a football made from many patches of
African fabrics (illustrated by Iroha himself), we are given a
documentary treat on the ‘Africanisation’ of football culture from an
art photography perspective as against a sports photography approach.
Featured are twelve photographers: Abiodun Salu (Nigeria), Abraham
Oghobase (Nigeria), Adolphus Opara (Nigeria), Ananias Leki Dago (Cote
de Ivoire), Andrew Esiebo (Nigeria), Chiemela Azurunwa (Nigeria),
Ebiware Okiy (Nigeria), George Osodi (Nigeria), Michael Tsegaye
(Ethiopia), Marcus Obika (Nigeria), Uche Okpa Iroha (Nigeria) and Uche
James Iroha (Nigeria). Other major contributions are drawings by Duke
Asidere (Nigeria), Ibe Ananaba (Nigeria), and text by scholar Frank
Ugiomoh (Nigeria) Uche James Iroha; with Kaine Agary (Nigeria) editing
the text.

The book is divided
into nine sections: Landscape, Style, Urban Culture, Pride, Belief,
Action, Ecstasy, Passion and Family. These might be for conceptual
reasons, but the nature of most of the photographs is so all-embracing
that they overlap these categorisations. The time-frame of the
photographs is recent; from the mid-2000. A lot of the images are from
the 2008 26th Africa (Football) Cup of Nations championship hosted by
Ghana in Accra, Tamale, Sekondi and Kumasi. In all though, the images
are more spread out and from locations in Nigeria, Cameroun, Benin
Republic, Ghana, Cote de Ivoire, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Guinea and
Ethiopia.

A social vehicle out of poverty

With each image
identified on the basis of What, Where and When, the book begins with
overwhelming evidence in the Landscape category that football is played
everywhere in any available space and diverse terrains in rural and
urban areas; from rubber plantations, to farms, paved streets, open
dirt grounds and beaches. Right from this category, it becomes obvious
that exuberance has overtaken the need for tighter editing and choice
of photographs, resulting in too many variations of the same idea of
where football is played across Africa.

The book makes well
the point that especially for the young males, playing football is now
the social vehicle out of poverty in Africa. It also highlights the
improvisational nature of the sport in terms of venues, outfits, balls
used and the very idea of pick-up teams and games with varying number
of players. There is little reference in images on female football and
the unusual novelty of mixed teams and games.

The plebeian origin
of football in England explains its mass support and in Africa it has
become an avenue for mass social expression. Within this context,
photographs in the book examine the issues of identity and loyalty; the
total immersion of fans and supporters that evoke extremes of both
passion and pleasure that waver from ecstasy to death! That football,
especially at nation level, unearths uncontrollable emotions in
Africans of all ages and gender, is well documented.

Fan passion, fan fashion

We are shown that
fan passion and fan fashion have made football a carnival of costumes
and emotions in Africa! It is obvious that all the photographs of fans
at the Cup of Nations were taken from the terraces and the
photographers have successfully documented the live theatre of the
bizarre, absurd and sublime; thankfully devoid of the hooliganism and
violence of European football fans, but full of weird images of people
dropping their pants, praying and prophesying in hybrids of religious
costumes and objects of worship. Predictably, the intriguing art of
body and face painting as well as the variety of musical instruments
employed are also well documented.

The foot and the ball

However, for a book
of such magnitude in concept and reach, there are bound to be a few
hiccups. Each photograph should have been credited, the use of text on
the body of photographs is uncomplimentary/disrespectful of the images
(remains a debateable point), there are many wrong, weak and verbose
captions and one image is printed upside down. These are however minor
points in an overall excellent collection of documentary photographs,
most of which are in colour.

When you have a
collection of about five hundred photographs on different aspects of
the same theme (not pre-planned or commissioned) by photographers of
varying competence and familiarity with the subject, you are bound to,
as in the case of Unifying Africa, end up with very many good
photographs but few great photographs!

It is no surprise
then, that the exceptional photographs are those that explore the two
important components of the game of football: the foot and ball! One of
such outstanding photographs, is of feet painted to simulate the design
of a football boot with the ankles painted to simulate hoses in
national colours; an oblique artistic statement on what dazzling and
inventive things African football players can do with their
feet/natural boots. Another is the image of a bare-bodied player
intimately holding a ball to his waist; a commentary on why African
players in the face of their foreign coaches’ perplexion love to hold
on to the ball! These images are by two gifted award-winning
photographers; James and Okpa Iroha respectively.

Unifying Africa is
in many ways an A-plus photographic book that deserves pride of place
in any collection or library as a visual documentary on Africa and the
sport of football.

Uncle Wole, creator
and host of the long rested popular children’s programme on TV, ‘Animal
Games’, is one of many Nigerians excelling in fields other than their
course of study. The graduate of the British Boot and Shoe Institution,
England, and holder of a postgraduate diploma in Management Studies, is
famous as a TV presenter.

His journey into
fame started while studying in England in the 60s. He used to watch
Australian, Rolf Harris’ show but didn’t know the programme would
eventually inspire him. Back in Nigeria, he told his friend, Dejumo
Lewis, actor-producer who played ‘Kabiyesi’ in ‘Village Headmaster’, of
his intention to create a programme for children.

“He said: let’s go
to the Children’s Department at NTA. When we got there, I met the then
head of department, Ola Edu. I told her I have the mind of creating a
programme that has to do with animals, games and music for children.
She said she would buy it and gave me an appointment for another
meeting,” he recalls.

In what appears an
initial setback, Edu was transferred to another department. But luckily
for the former choirboy, Edu’s replacement, Frances Adebajo, also
bought the idea. Akinosho proposed two programmes, ‘Yankari Safari’ and
the then unnamed ‘Animal Games’ to Adebajo but she preferred ‘Animal
Games’.

“She said I’m
listing down the programme for next quarter’s production. That was how
we started and the very first programme we had, we had the lion as the
star animal because for each programme we always had a star animal for
the week.

“I had already
prepared information about lions, so I invited a school and we had a
rehearsal. I brought a school the following week but I just noticed
that some other children already were there. I asked who invited them
and they said they saw it on TV; that they are interested in it. In no
time, the audience was gathering. At a time, there wasn’t enough space
to contain all the children. We had to drive some of them to the
canteen to watch TV and they kept crying.” A generation grew up on
‘Animal Games’, which eventually ran on NTA for more than a decade
before it was rested. During the course of presenting the programme,
Akinosho picked up playing the guitar and organ. He was also able to
express his creativity with the challenges of churning out fresh ideas
weekly. The entertainer – who had previously worked in shoe factories
and thought combining his job as a civil servant with the Lagos State
Government and presenting the programme was going to be easy – had a
rethink when the stress became unbearable.

Fine spirits

While some swear by
the entertainment caution, ‘Never work with children or animals’, the
opposite is the case with Akinosho who loves “playing with them because
they are innocent, they have fine spirits. They are easy to train and
they give you good attention. They learn quickly and they respond
positively. I enjoyed being with them. They make you happy once you
make them happy. That was our focus, to make everybody happy.” However,
it isn’t a one way thing for Uncle Wole. “A lesson I learnt is that
you, the presenter, must be interested in what you are doing because if
the animal for this week is lion, I will look into books to get all
necessary information on lions. After that I could write a script for a
short drama sketch and I could even write a song on it. So, for each
programme I will write the sketch, the script for the sketch, the song
that goes with the star animal for the week and even the games, I
created a lot of them myself. Then for that programme, I will go to
schools, rehearse the children and have dress rehearsal before going on
TV. It is interest that matters in anything one does. And I’m glad that
the programme turned out to be very successful.”

Perks of the job

Some of the
benefits Uncle Wole derived from presenting ‘Animal Games’ include
invitations to emcee events, including the Presidency during the tenure
of Shehu Shagari with Julie Coker and Sola Omole; enjoying preferential
treatment on planes and airports, greetings from fans and getting gifts.

One experience,
though, remains fresh in his memory. “I wanted to buy a Datsun. It was
with an Alhaji in Ilorin. That time, the cost of the car was N8, 000 so
I paid N6, 000; that when I get my original receipt, I will pay the
balance of N2, 000. Instead of the man to give me my original receipt,
he brought a policeman from Ilorin to threaten me to pay the money.
Then, if you are not careful, you will get a new car but within a week
or two, it will be gone because stealing was very rampant those days. I
was asked to report at Alagbon CID; that was the first time I got to
that place. When I got there, the Alhaji was standing by. The man we
were to see, we got to the room but he wasn’t there so we were looking
round for him. Suddenly a man in mufti saw me and asked if I was Uncle
Wole. I said yes. He embraced me and said I’ve been thinking of meeting
you; just come to my office.

“By then, more
police officers and others had surrounded us. When we got into the
office he asked what I wanted for breakfast and I requested for coffee.
He said: look, before I even go into your matter, my child is dying to
come to that programme. I said ask her to be there on Wednesday at 4pm,
she will be my guest on the programme. We settled that and he asked
what brought me. The officer turned out to be the then head of Alagbon.
I’ve forgotten his name now. He asked the Alhaji for the receipt and I
had already prepared a certified bank cheque of N2, 000. I showed it to
him and he asked him why he didn’t give me the receipt. He was trying
to give excuses and he told him you are one of those who sell cars and
go back to steal them. That I give you up to Thursday, if I don’t get
that receipt on my table here, you are in for trouble.”

Mr Emcee

Over time, Uncle
Wole blossomed into a full time emcee, anchoring events for companies
including Chevron, Mobil, Unilever, Cadbury, PZ and Nestle among
others. He also established an outfit which entertained weekly. “I had
this party going on every week and sometimes we had about six
programmes a week. Then I established the Animal Games Club, with
chapters in Lagos. During Easter, we entertained people and during
Christmas, we organised programmes like Telematch , carnivals and so
many things. I created Nido Games for Nestle, to promote Nido.” What
eventually happened to ‘Yankari Safari’?

“I just dropped
that idea because ‘Animal Games’ was expanding. It engaged a lot of my
time so I didn’t have time for any other programme. We even had our own
magazine.”

I‘ll be back

Uncle Wole, like a
number of people who believe things are on a downward trend, isn’t too
enamoured of current children’s television programmes. “Nowadays, most
of those that handle children’s programme, you don’t see any commitment
in their work. Our basic idea then was to entertain, educate and inform
the children. That was the philosophy behind our programme but
nowadays, the ideas are not so deep. The philosophies behind the
programmes are not so deep,” he states.

Though it hasn’t been on TV in years, the Sunday school
superintendent at African Church Cathedral, Bethel, Lagos, hasn’t given
up on ‘Animal Games’. “What we are trying to do is go back to TV and
continue with the production of ‘Animal Games’. I’m trying to see which
TV station will best handle the programme but we are trying to put it
back on TV. Technically, we still do party entertainment and schools
programmes.”

My doctor saw me
the other day and accused me of avoiding her. I am avoiding her. We
have since kissed and made up. I am at that age when doctors and your
loved ones treat you as if you are going to die anytime soon. I don’t
blame them; old age is the leading cause of death in America behind
marriage, alcohol, and sex. Well, I am married, so forget sex; and I
don’t believe cognac and Chilean Malbec are considered alcohol, so that
leaves me with the burden of old age. The prognosis is grim: Old age
will kill me. But my doctor is determined to keep me alive by killing
me. I shall explain.

My doctor wants to
kill me. Enh, you ask? She has put me on a hunger strike. And now, I am
hungry, very hungry. Everything looks and smells good, even people, and
I just want to eat anything. My newspaper column would taste great with
some hot pepper splashed on it. But I can’t eat. My doctor is trying to
kill me. But she thinks she is saving my black ass. Who cares? I just
want to eat. Even if it kills me.

So, how did I get
to this point when I am not allowed to eat anything other than
cardboard sautéed in mineral water? My doctor claims this is for my own
good, but really, she is looking out for herself. She sees me the way a
farmer sees a cash cow. The longer I stay alive, the longer she can
bill my health insurance for the cost of her Maserati, her Lexus, her
mansion, etc. What good is a dead patient to a doctor?

My doctor is
always saying, “You know you are getting old (she keeps saying that!).
Stop drinking cognac, stop eating beef, stop eating shrimp, they are
bad for you.” She even knows about egusi and cholesterol, and she is
Jewish! I avoid going to her like one avoids the Nigeria Police.

But she has
tricks: she refuses to renew my maintenance medications until she sees
me. Maintenance medications? Well, it is like this. Once you get to a
certain age, many important body parts begin to refuse to work as
advertised, and you have to take maintenance medications daily to get
them to do their job.

So my doctor
decides I have to do this procedure where they look inside your
roun’about (intestines, etc) to see whether death is growing things
inside there! Olorun ma je! These doctors, what will they think of
next? She instructs me not to eat anything solid for 24 hours before
the time of this unnecessary experiment (it is unnecessary! I will not
die! Death is not my portion! I bind it in the name of Orunmila! Ase!).

I come from a land
of hardy people. Ask my mother. She has survived calamities that died
before they could kill her. And she did not even know it. Diseases come
to die in my part of the world. And we are still here. My doctor says I
may drink lots of fluids and clear broth, but no solid food. Clear
broth! Ah, I know what broth means. So I ask my wife if egusi soup is
clear broth. She says no, but I think it is clear broth because I can
see clearly the things inside the egusi broth… tripe, snails, cow leg,
smoked fish…

Well, I survived
that ordeal. I am now eating things. Things? The things that I eat, oh,
the things that I now have to eat. I cannot eat salt, absolutely no
salt. How bad is that? Try eating a bucket of fried eggs that has no
salt and that was fried with water (yes, water!) and without the egg
yolk. Hear my wife: “Ah! Ikhide! Bad cholesterol! Bad, bad! Bad
Cholesterol! Not good for you!”.

Or try eating
egusi that was not cooked with palm oil: “Ah! Ikhide! Bad cholesterol!
Bad, bad! Bad Cholesterol! Not good for you!” These things allegedly
should keep me as old as Methuselah. (“Hurray!” chant my creditors.)
They might as well let me die and then mummify me. That way, it is a
win-win situation for everybody. I get to rest in peace and they get to
keep my gorgeous body.

Life without the
things I love is hell. I have not had a drink of Chilean Malbec for a
long time now. My wife agrees with my doctor’s libelous opinion of
alcohol: “Ah! Ikhide, you know you are getting old! Be responsible! If
something happens to you who will pay all these bills? And who will
drive all these children to their soccer games and their dances and the
shopping malls? Who will take out the trash? And I would have to marry
again! I hope the person is rich this time! Olorun ma je!”

Since I stopped drinking Malbec, life has been strange. I walk
around all calm and at peace with the world; all my cells seem to be at
ease. Who wants to live like this? Shoot me somebody.

On Friday, July 23,
at CMS Grammar school, Bariga, Footprint group organised the third
edition of its show titled ‘moonlight’. The event, which took place at
the school’s multipurpose hall, had a number of Nigerian artists, and
dance and musical groups in performance.

The show was
anchored by founder of the Footprint group, Fabunmi Koffivi, who moved
the audience with his comedy acts as he introduced the guest artists
that were present at the event such as 2phat, Da Preacher man, Double
P; performing groups such as Crown Troupe of Africa, Theatre Centric
group, Superior Heritage group; and comedians Owen G and Koffi.

According to
Koffivi, Footprint is an “artistic group, which majors in dance, drama
and music, with the aim to bring secondary school students close to the
literary world.” In doing this, he said, “We try to bring young people
together and teach them things about contemporary African dance, music,
and drama. We also decided to treat secondary school texts in order to
enable (students) understand, not just to read and pass alone but to
understand the importance of literature.”

As part of the
show, a play by J.C. Degraft titled ‘Sons and Daughters’, was staged.
The play centres on an illiterate father (James Ofosu), whose singular
belief is that his children can only be successful if they pursue
professions such as law, medicine or engineering. Lawyer Bonu, a close
friend of the family, encourages Ofosu to force his daughter (Manaan)
to come and work with him.

Perhaps the most
notable performance of the play was that of the major character Lovelyn
Inyang Fasunmi who played the role of Hannah, the uneducated mother who
nevertheless supports her children’s choice of career. Another
outstanding performance was that of Oluwayinka Oluwatosin, a student of
CMS grammar school, who in the role of Ofosu inspired laughter from
audience members.

The play however
recorded a few gaffes such as the improperly constructed set as well as
the need for some of the actors to come on stage with their scripts.
Koffivi who played Ofosu also mixed up his lines and struggled with his
performance till the end of the play.

Koffivi, the
founder and instructor of the group gave reasons for his seeming
unpreparedness at the end of the play. According to him, the love for
arts made him pick up the role of Ofosu when the actor who was to play
that role failed to show-up for the performance. “Any mistake that was
made on stage will make me improve on my weak part in his next
performance,” he remarked confidently.

During the
entertainment session, which was anchored by on-air-personality from
Wazobia FM, James Expensive, the audience was regaled with comedy and
musical acts.

Students from
Bishop Howell Memorial College, and CMS Grammar School were given the
opportunity to win gifts during the show. Desire Onyenucheya, one of
the lucky students expressed appreciation to the organisers of the
event, “I learnt a lot of things from today’s show – be yourself and
work hard to get what you want”.

Koffivi identified one of the major challenges he faced in
organising the event, as finance. He however expressed hope that in the
future the group might obtain more institutional support to enable it
stage better performances.