Archive for entertainment

Twelve go forth for Ultimate Search

Twelve go forth for Ultimate Search

Twelve men and women have been selected
to compete in the seventh edition of the Gulder Ultimate search, tagged
‘The Ultimate Hero’. As Freeze, On-Air-Personality for Cool FM, who
anchored the event, pointed out, “the search, this time, is not for a
treasure it is for a personality that reflects the Gulder brand.”

Out of the 41 hopefuls shortlisted
after three weeks of rigorous screening in four zones across the
country, 18 were eventually selected to be called on-stage at Lagoon
Restaurant, Victoria Island Lagos, where the event to unveil the final
ten was held last Saturday.

The moderator, under the watchful eyes
of guests and the organisers, was saddled with the task of pruning down
the prospective contestants, and in a lively interactive session the
candidates and the guests; this feat was eventually achieved,
interspersed with several ecstatic outbursts from the candidates
selected.

However, to the puzzlement off not a
few, the management of Nigerian Breweries Plc, through their
representatives at the event, communicated to the moderator on stage
that, in the spirit of the 40 year anniversary of the Gulder brand in
Nigeria, which is being celebrated this year, the organisers of the
show have decided to increase the number of contestants to 12. One male
and one female contestant who had lost hope earlier, were picked to
join the 10 earlier chosen.

Winners of past editions of the reality
show, Ezugo Egwuagu, Michael Nwachukwu and Uche Nwaezeapu ; music diva
Mumma Gee and Nollywood actor and past anchor of the programme Bob
Manuel-Udokwu were in attendance at the event

Among the lucky finalists chosen are:
Shehu Atiku, Henry Ogarachukwu, and Okorogo Simeon, who has shown
dedication to being part of the show by taking off his six-year grown
dreads, in order, according to him, “to fit the image of the ultimate
man.”

The contestants, all between ages 21 to 27 will be taken to the Omo
Forest Reserve in Ogun State to confront one another and nature’s
elements in a 21-day search.

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EMAIL FROM AMERICA: Remembering ‘Veronica My Daughter’

EMAIL FROM AMERICA: Remembering ‘Veronica My Daughter’

Someone once asked
me to respond to the interesting question: Is Nigerian English the same
as Nigerian pidgin? My response: there is pidgin and many variants are
spoken in Nigeria. And there is English and many variants are spoken in
Nigeria. Debating the idea of one Nigerian English is as useful as
saying that there is ONE recipe for cooking egusi soup (yes, soup, NOT
sauce!). There are ways of speaking, and ways of expression that are
distinct to various sections of Nigeria. And it is often possible to
tell where someone is from based on how they handle the English
language. Some of the best masters of English are from Nigeria. And
some of the worst are from Nigeria. What is mildly hilarious is that it
is the latter that usually spends precious time correcting the former.
There is something about some Nigerians and the attainment of knowledge
or whatever; they like to wear it loudly like a Rolex watch, and when
someone is around, they tap it so that someone can tell they have it.
Some would say it is an inferiority complex.

American academics
and intellectuals tend to be quiet about their accomplishments. Do not
make any assumptions about your neighbour working in her backyard, She
may have three PhDs from Ivy league schools and may be secretly
building the next generation nuclear reactor. Just call her Jane. And
when you read her academic papers, they are highly accessible, while
still retaining the requisite substance. American academics tend to be
considerate of the target audience. In contrast, my people love
bombast. I don’t know where that bad habit came from. Ironically, they
are the ones that really need to break it down for the “masses.” Before
you clamber on to any Internet forum that houses Nigerian
intellectuals, please say your prayers, take some painkillers, drink a
quart of cognac and then, only then, start reading. What some may
regard as ‘Nigerian’ English is merely the product of a dysfunction:
bad grammar posing as our national anthem. Go read Goodluck Jonathan’s
babble on his Facebook status. Once you recover from the shock of
reading Presidential atrocious grammar, then you will understand my
frustration.

Please do not die
until you have read as many Onitsha Market literature pamphlets as you
can. The experience will remind you of some of our Nigerian
intellectual elite. In particular, please read Ogali A. Ogali’s
hilarious play Veronica My Daughter, featuring the great master of
bombast, Bomber Billy. Next, you must read Peter “Pan” Enahoro’s
seminal: How to be a Nigerian. That pamphlet is a hoot. Please, please,
please, find a copy and enjoy. It was written almost 50 years ago; not
much about the stereotypical Nigerian has changed other than the
Internet is here and they are all now on Facebook entertaining the
world. Some of the best masters of the English language reside in
Nigeria. When they relocate to America, listening to them the first
couple of months is sheer joy. Give them six months, in the zest to
become the Americans they will never be, the tongue becomes tied up in
knots, they acquire atrocious grammar habits from who knows where, and
guess what, when they visit home, they are “hailed” or envied for
losing their ‘Nigerian accent’.

It is actually the
case that several of our writers were already wired to write nonsense
at home. They come abroad and mangle their already atrocious literary
style with additional bad habits. Then they call this new product
scholarship. I disagree. What some of our writers call academic writing
is simply bad writing. There is no need in my opinion to deploy bombast
where a few or blessed silence would do. From the beginning of colonial
history, our people have been drawn to big words.

Back to Bomber
Billy in Ogali A. Ogali’s Veronica My Daughter. Bomber Billy was the
caricature of the bombastic Nigerian. Here is what Bomber Billy has to
say upon sustaining a bad fall: “As I was descending from a declivity
yesterday with such an excessive velocity, I suddenly lost the centre
of my gravity and was precipitated on the macadised thoroughfare.” He
goes on to assure concerned onlookers thusly: “Don’t put your mind
under perturbation. But after my precipitation whereby my incunabula
got soaked, it was made incumbent on me to divest my habiliments which
were saturated as a result of my immersion in the rivulet.” When asked
if he had gone for treatment, he responded thusly: “I don’t care what
the Medical Officer said but I assure you that this is nothing but a
cocified agency, antipasimodicala producing nothing but voscandum,
miscandum and tiscono. This medicine that I have in hand is called the
GRAND ELECTRICAL PUNCHUTICAL DEMOSCANDUM which cures all diseases
incident to humanity.”

Our writers are starting to be really innovative. In the blogs,
websites, and on Facebook, they are showing us the true face of their
creativity, using the new media to create a fusion of voice, text, and
dance in the oral tradition of our ancestors. I salute them.

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For the love of old things

For the love of old things

Sitting pretty in a
Lagos block of flats is a place called ‘Art Barn’. True to its word, it
is a barn of sorts, housing not only artworks, but antiques, with some
dating back to the 1800’s when the white man first set foot on the land
later known as Nigeria.

With art works and
antiquities like guns, compasses, telephones, grandfather clocks,
clothes, and typewriters, the ‘Barn’ is a veritable historic site. And
its owner, Richmond Ogolo, who doubles as the vice president of the Art
Galleries Association of Nigeria (AGAN), is set on educating the public
on the merits of antiques.

“I think there is
no clear distinction between antiques and art. There are art works with
an antique feel. They are mainstream art, but they have that antique
feel and can be sold as antique,” Ogolo declared.

The trained lawyer,
who hails from Opobo, has always been surrounded by objects etched with
history. His hometown was one of the first points of contact with
foreigners; and till date, it has relics to remind visitors of such
times.

Growing up in a
town where his grandfather kept antiques and seeing the way his
teachers preserved items for their sentimental value, only amplified
his curiosity. Ogolo went on to sell antique cars, which he acquired
from the northern part of Nigeria, and set up an automobile business.

“Because the Pan
African movement was linked with the civil rights movements, it was no
surprise that Nigerians who went to America to [study] came back not
only with their mannerisms, but with the things they consumed, like
automobiles, marking the entry of expensive cars like Porsche into the
country,” he explained.

Due to lack of a viable market, however, he ended his trade in antique cars, focusing instead on other kinds of period objects.

On sartorial authenticity

“From the
Pan-African perspective, we have this phobia for being Western. But it
is in our thinking, culture, and traditions because of the Western
experience. People don’t want to be seen, especially in contemporary
times, as having too many Western values, but we have a history of
Western influence. It cannot be pushed away, because it has been there
right from when the Portuguese came,” he asserted.

Ogolo’s fascination
with the historical consumerism, has seen him travel to various parts
of Africa and Europe, searching for the next antique to add to his
growing collection. He complains that his collection still has a long
way to go before reaching the capacity he dreams of.

“If you look at it
well, what we wear is of Western origin. I can tell you that by 1800,
most Africans wore nothing. It was (our) contact with the West that
gave us a sense of clothing and then we borrowed heavily from it,” he
said.

He gave examples
with the famous Ankara, which he said originated from Indonesia before
it was adapted by the Dutch and then the British.

“In the Niger
Delta, the shirts and headgear are Western. Maybe in a sense, the most
original costume we wear in Nigeria is probably worn by the Yoruba,
(but) the technique of weaving is European,” he added.

Business sense

His belief in the
documentation of Nigerian consumption and the revelation of the
business angle of selling antiques, which he learnt from corner pawn
shops and auction houses, convinced him that it could be a workable
business.

“I saw a viable
trade in it. From trading in family heirlooms at the corner pawn shop,
to getting into professional antique floor like Sotheby’s. The antiques
go for as little as one dollar to multi-millions,” Mr. Ogolo said.

Though the need to
document Nigeria’s history of consumerism played a large role in his
venturing into antiques market, he confessed that his flair for
recognising business opportunities gave him a head start.

“I was exposed to
foreign cultures and saw that it was a thriving business. These items
of old have been part of our history. For all the fears associated with
outside influences, we have a symbiotic relationship with them, so it
is important that we take advantage and not shy away from it.”

Ogolo believes the
infrastructure for the antique market in other parts of the world could
be replicated in Nigeria, since there is already a thriving art scene.
And that people who invest in art should also invest in contemporary
antiques, and not just Nigerian traditional antiquities like the ones
from the Nok or Ife cultures.

“Art is in everything, everything done is designed by art,” Ogolo insisted.

“Antique objects
are art objects; everything we use on a daily basis represents
something in art. I feel it is something we can tap into,” he added.

The gallery owner
has been collecting artworks since childhood; and his collection
includes old guns, the letter his teacher gave him to his parents when
the civil war started, as well as the antique cars. He plans to hold an
antique exhibition as soon as he is able to open a separate store to
display them and get some items in his collection authenticated.

“I have outlets
where I sell art, once in a while I put an antique piece on display;
though it takes some time, someone always picks an interest and comes
in to buy,” he said.

He added, however, that, “I don’t have a rich stock to place the business on the international market.”

Some history

From seeing John
Lennon’s bullet-proof Rolls Royce to collecting and eventually losing
glasses believed to have been owned by Queen Victoria, and to having
access to old maps of Lagos when it was still a protectorate, and
walking through the palace of a former King of Calabar whose ambition
was to marry Queen Victoria (He built a palace and filled it with
things that he considered she would need when she became his bride) –
Ogolo has cut his teeth in antique appreciation. According to him,
“Antiques give a history and are relevant in the social anthropology
and modernism of any people.”

He was quick to
point out that some antiques are priceless, and so belong to the museum
as they tell important history and need to be kept for the public to
appreciate, never sold. To people who want to start collecting
antiques, he proffers that it is best to start by isolating old
buildings, farmsteads, and agrarian settlements.

“When you have isolated these places, then you get a big van, put some cash in your pockets and hit the road,” he said.

He also remarked
that sometimes finding antiques boils down to natural instincts.
Following this, he emphasised the importance of authenticating whatever
has been found to see if it meets the age criteria of an antique (at
least 50 years old), before its value can be determined.

Nigeria at 50 and the other matters

“If we have a
showcase of Nigerian contemporary antiques, we will be able to tell a
visual history without going far with words. It would be a
chronological story of Nigeria. For example, we have fought most of our
battles within, so the weapons collected will show how basically we
have self-destructed,” Ogolo said.

The curator pointed
out that it is not only about selling, but also about keeping things
that have been handed down from generations for sentimental reasons. He
said that some people keep it as a statement of social status.

“Collecting is a
way of reinventing one’s self, as it is believed to increase ones
status. Some collect for sheer beauty, or for the sake of the
craftsmanship and the material used.”

He summarised it succinctly by making this appeal: “Please do not
destroy objects of antique value. If you do not know what to do with
it, please give it to me.”

Click to read more Entertainment news

‘Woman’ as a strong breed in writing

‘Woman’ as a strong breed in writing

The serene premises of the British
Council in Ikoyi, Lagos, recently played host to young art lovers who
turned out in large numbers for the official presentation of Zainabu
Jallo’s book – ‘Onions Make Us Cry’ and the Creative Arts Mentoring
Forum.

The event kicked off with a press
conference, which afforded journalists a one on one interview session
with the author, as well as an introduction to her latest work,
recently longlisted for the 2010 NLNG Literature Prize.

The visibly shy Jallo is a freelance
writer, radio presenter, scriptwriter, and playwright. During the meet
and greet session, the Plateau State native told the audience that she
had been running an imaginary column since she was 5.

‘My mum recently came up with some of
my writings at age five to six and I was amazed at some of the things I
had written down as far back as then. While at the university, many of
my professors would say I would do better as a writer, and so I guess
that could be the reason I write today.”

The title

The interesting
title of Jallo’s play may not be unconnected to her deep and
imaginative thinking. She said, “I chose to title the book ‘Onions Make
Us Cry’ because I felt it summed up the various reasons people give for
their shortcomings or predicament. So, since we all say things like
‘onions make us cry’, what other title captures it better?”

Set in an engaging
mad house, ‘Onions Make Us Cry’ is written in an open style. It also
has a lot of poetic dialogue and employs a general dose of metaphors.
The dialogue is also rhythmical and thus makes it easy for a reader to
flow with the pace as it progresses from one situation into another.

The first thing a
reader notices when he or she picks up the book is the light pink cover
(it has some rings of onions on it); at 62 pages, it is also
lightweight in terms of pagination.

“I wrote the first
draft in 2008, but I have been collecting ideas since 2006. I thought
of something which will appeal to anyone who doesn’t read too much. I
read plays that are written in acts and scenes, so I wanted to write
something I would love to read myself,” she explained.

A writer’s mind

Jallo read excerpts
of her work to the audience during the book reading session. The
dialogue comes across as deep and therefore, causes a reader to ponder,
meditate, and read in-between the lines.

The lead character,
Malinda Jandayi, a patient in a psychiatric home, is a representation
of women who are locked up in silence, despite being abused by their
husbands or relatives. On the other hand, the clinical psychologist,
Lola Gambari, is herself a victim of the same condition which her
patient suffers from. At the end of the day, the patient ends up
helping and counselling her doctor. An irony such as this is what the
reader encounters at one point or the other as the reading progresses.

So, just how does
Jallo’s mind work? According to her, “I write selectively. Its like my
old Sony camera: whatever I see, I capture. It is a potpourri of
everything. I have a weird mind and nothing in the story has got to do
with my past experiences. I’m not a feminist, but I think a woman is a
strong breed – but unfortunately, many of them do not know that. I tell
a story my heart bleeds for. It is a collection of people’s stories
written in a poetic dialogue.

The mentoring session

Feminism and its
themes have always been a touchy and sensitive issue. However, the
University of Jos graduate makes it easy for the reader to appreciate
and come to terms with it, thanks to her witty anecdotes and quips.

All through the reading, Jallo’s sense of humour is not in any way drowned by her introvert nature.

Other readers of
‘Onions Make Us Cry’ at the event were: Koko Kalango (founder of the
Port Harcourt-based Rainbow Club), Yinka Ijabiyi of the British
Council, and Segun Adefila (leader, Crown Troupe of Africa). As the
reading began, Jalo hinted the audience that her book will soon be
adapted for stage by Segun Adefila. The book readers were later joined
by the mentors for the day: the Inspiration FM on air personality, Dan
Foster; MNET managing director, Biola Alabi; and the event anchor, Carl
Raccah, Oragangotan record label boss.

It was fun all the
way for the audience, many of whom were excited at the rare opportunity
to see and meet with the likes of Dan Foster and Biola Alabi in person.
From the ‘how- to-be- a-better- presenter’ to ‘how- to- succeed –in-
the- creative- industry’ tips, lectures and tutorials were given in a
very informal way.

Jallo was also on
hand to give some words of encouragement to budding writers who may
have had their manuscripts rejected at one point or the other. She
empathised with the plight of the budding writer who has faced
rejection, saying, “I was rejected times without number. All I ever
heard were things like we don’t publish plays, prose is a lot more
welcoming here in Nigeria. And now, I was not using the acts and scenes
you find in conventional plays, so I had to persevere and keep my hope
and dream alive.”

She also added that
she was pleased with the audience reception of her play, adding that
this was the first time she would be having a reading in Nigeria.

It was an evening
well spent and the audience had an opportunity to pitch creative ideas
and also interact with their mentors on a first hand basis.

The book presentation was part of the British Council’s Creative
Enterprise mentoring programme, a platform for emerging creative
persons to interact, network, and be mentored by established and
successful creative entrepreneurs in the various sectors of the
creative industries.

Click to read more Entertainment news

Forget it, get a job, or kill yourself: you’re not a writer

Forget it, get a job, or kill yourself: you’re not a writer

Now that I’ve written one book that you’ve probably never heard of, I’m going to tell you how to become a writer:

1. You must read.
Read widely, read voraciously, read intelligently. And before you say
“Aha, I already read!” . . . I mean books. Not the Arts and Culture
pages of Next newspaper, not the gossip column in Encomium, not the
latest post on MrNaijaTomTom.blogspot.com—I mean real, dog-ear-able,
paper books.

2. Read fiction.
Romance, historical, spy, fantasy, mystery, literary, Hints
magazine—all are fiction. Read nonfiction. “Breaking the Yoke of
Ancestral Curses” by Apostle Malachi Paul and “Why We Struck” by
Adewale Ademoyega are both works of non-fiction, but I recommend the
latter. Read drama. However, if you find plays hard to get into, which,
let’s face it, you probably do, don’t worry, there’s always
Theatre@Terra. As for poetry: only read it if you truly, genuinely love
your mother.

3. A final word on
reading: read books by African writers, too. Reading Stephen King is
fine, or Toni Morrison if you like that highfalutin stuff, but these
two writers are American, and one is white and the other black, one is
male and the other female, one has soft straight hair and the other
rocks natty dreads. My point is: how can you be a Gabonese writer if
you don’t read Gabonese writers? How you can be ordained the next great
African writer—by the New York Times, of course—if you don’t read
African writers?

4. I lied: this is
the final word on reading. To earn the right to be called a Nigerian
writer, one must have read Olaudah Equiano, Zulu Sofola, or Helen
Ovbiagele. If you haven’t read any of these writers, refer to the title
of this piece.

5. You still want
to be a writer? Ok. But first, some essentials. Grow dreadlocks, or at
least an afro. Move into Ajegunle, or Nembe Waterside, or any
shantytown where you can still find affordable housing. Get rid of your
car and commute by danfo, or better still, walk. Renounce religion,
give up your job, take up alcohol and cigarettes, and wear batik
shirts. Steal from family, lie like an honest politician, choose your
friends based on the criterion that they come from wealthy families,
and hob-nob with the literati, or cognoscenti, or whatever they call
themselves these days. I promise you, you cannot write a book unless
you first get a life.

6. Alternatively .
. . bag a PhD in Classics, or Anthropology, or Wildlife and Fisheries.
Then get a job as a university lecturer, publish your manuscripts with
roadside printers, foist your books on your students, beg or bully your
colleagues into writing longwinded dissertations on the significance of
your contribution to sub-Saharan literature, get a professorship, and
retire to the oh so happy life of ANA conventions.

7. Now, to the
craft of writing. My advice: go online. Wikipedia has gigabytes more
information on that hocus-pocus than one thousand and one clones of
Chinua Achebe can ever teach you. Since we’re on the subject of craft,
here’s something to remember after you’ve written your book: never,
ever, ever read what the newspaper reviewers write about your work. The
dearth of critical insight and the utter lack of writing ability
exhibited by this claque of shysters might blind you to your own
shortcomings.

8. Self-promotion.
An essential skill for any self-appointed writer. Possession of this
knack is an Abuja road to success. Self-promotion is more important
than number 1, more important than number 7, and most certainly more
important than numbers 5 or 6. As a writer who has any intention of
grabbing her share of attention in these clamorous days of
every-blogger-is-a-writer, you must first and foremost promote
yourself. There are ninety-nine ways to achieve this goal, but here’s
one that’s sure-fire: have your girlfriend take a photo of you, a
headshot preferably, with your chin resting in your hand and a faraway
look in your eyes; then create a Facebook fan page and set this photo
as your profile image; then “friend” any Tom, Dick or Harry who has
4999 friends and beg him, beseech him, implore him to invite all his
friends to “like” your page. Voila, bwana—instant celebrity.

9. Now that you’ve
rediscovered reading, and increased your chances of dying from cancer,
and acquired some knowledge of the awfulness of those pesky –ly
adverbs, and claimed your spot on Google Search; now, fellow writer,
now you must write that book. And you will, we know you will, because
everybody and their little sisters expect you to.

10. A final word on
everything: if after applying these tips you still find that you’re
unable to produce a book, then forget it, get a job, or kill yourself:
you’re not a writer.

A. Igoni Barrett is the author of ‘From Caves of Rotten Teeth’.

Click to read more Entertainment news

Forget it, get a job, or kill yourself: you’re not a writer

Forget it, get a job, or kill yourself: you’re not a writer

Now that I’ve written one book that you’ve probably never heard of, I’m going to tell you how to become a writer:

1. You must read.
Read widely, read voraciously, read intelligently. And before you say
“Aha, I already read!” . . . I mean books. Not the Arts and Culture
pages of Next newspaper, not the gossip column in Encomium, not the
latest post on MrNaijaTomTom.blogspot.com—I mean real, dog-ear-able,
paper books.

2. Read fiction.
Romance, historical, spy, fantasy, mystery, literary, Hints
magazine—all are fiction. Read nonfiction. “Breaking the Yoke of
Ancestral Curses” by Apostle Malachi Paul and “Why We Struck” by
Adewale Ademoyega are both works of non-fiction, but I recommend the
latter. Read drama. However, if you find plays hard to get into, which,
let’s face it, you probably do, don’t worry, there’s always
Theatre@Terra. As for poetry: only read it if you truly, genuinely love
your mother.

3. A final word on
reading: read books by African writers, too. Reading Stephen King is
fine, or Toni Morrison if you like that highfalutin stuff, but these
two writers are American, and one is white and the other black, one is
male and the other female, one has soft straight hair and the other
rocks natty dreads. My point is: how can you be a Gabonese writer if
you don’t read Gabonese writers? How you can be ordained the next great
African writer—by the New York Times, of course—if you don’t read
African writers?

4. I lied: this is
the final word on reading. To earn the right to be called a Nigerian
writer, one must have read Olaudah Equiano, Zulu Sofola, or Helen
Ovbiagele. If you haven’t read any of these writers, refer to the title
of this piece.

5. You still want
to be a writer? Ok. But first, some essentials. Grow dreadlocks, or at
least an afro. Move into Ajegunle, or Nembe Waterside, or any
shantytown where you can still find affordable housing. Get rid of your
car and commute by danfo, or better still, walk. Renounce religion,
give up your job, take up alcohol and cigarettes, and wear batik
shirts. Steal from family, lie like an honest politician, choose your
friends based on the criterion that they come from wealthy families,
and hob-nob with the literati, or cognoscenti, or whatever they call
themselves these days. I promise you, you cannot write a book unless
you first get a life.

6. Alternatively .
. . bag a PhD in Classics, or Anthropology, or Wildlife and Fisheries.
Then get a job as a university lecturer, publish your manuscripts with
roadside printers, foist your books on your students, beg or bully your
colleagues into writing longwinded dissertations on the significance of
your contribution to sub-Saharan literature, get a professorship, and
retire to the oh so happy life of ANA conventions.

7. Now, to the
craft of writing. My advice: go online. Wikipedia has gigabytes more
information on that hocus-pocus than one thousand and one clones of
Chinua Achebe can ever teach you. Since we’re on the subject of craft,
here’s something to remember after you’ve written your book: never,
ever, ever read what the newspaper reviewers write about your work. The
dearth of critical insight and the utter lack of writing ability
exhibited by this claque of shysters might blind you to your own
shortcomings.

8. Self-promotion.
An essential skill for any self-appointed writer. Possession of this
knack is an Abuja road to success. Self-promotion is more important
than number 1, more important than number 7, and most certainly more
important than numbers 5 or 6. As a writer who has any intention of
grabbing her share of attention in these clamorous days of
every-blogger-is-a-writer, you must first and foremost promote
yourself. There are ninety-nine ways to achieve this goal, but here’s
one that’s sure-fire: have your girlfriend take a photo of you, a
headshot preferably, with your chin resting in your hand and a faraway
look in your eyes; then create a Facebook fan page and set this photo
as your profile image; then “friend” any Tom, Dick or Harry who has
4999 friends and beg him, beseech him, implore him to invite all his
friends to “like” your page. Voila, bwana—instant celebrity.

9. Now that you’ve
rediscovered reading, and increased your chances of dying from cancer,
and acquired some knowledge of the awfulness of those pesky –ly
adverbs, and claimed your spot on Google Search; now, fellow writer,
now you must write that book. And you will, we know you will, because
everybody and their little sisters expect you to.

10. A final word on
everything: if after applying these tips you still find that you’re
unable to produce a book, then forget it, get a job, or kill yourself:
you’re not a writer.

A. Igoni Barrett is the author of ‘From Caves of Rotten Teeth’.

Click to read more Entertainment news

A new entertainment bible

A new entertainment bible

Bi-monthly
magazine, E24-7- is positioning itself to be an oracle on entertainment
information. Published by Biodun Kupoluyi, a seasoned entertainment
journalist, E24-7 has in a number of editions explored the hitherto
unexplored; celebrating the deserving and criticising the unremarkable.

The 70-page
publication spans the entertainment scene from the thespian to the
musical; and the intellectual to the inexplicably popular. It is safe
to say that after about two years of its circulation, E24-7 has
featured a good percentage of Nigeria’s seemingly inexhaustible showbiz
personalities.

With glossy pages,
attractive cover designs and headlines that tug at your penchant to
feed your curiosity on the elusive details on the lives of the
lionised, E24-7 features regular sections like: Frontrow – a panegyric
about celebrities who have in some way or the other developed their
immediate or remote environments; Spotted – quirky pictures of our
dearest celebrities showing them in less than pristine situations; News
– a double spread of short snippets of recent entertainment
developments, nationally and globally; and Movie/ Music Review, which
appraises the Nollywood and music industry offerings which have
inspired us or failed to do so.

E24-7 as expected
has metamorphosed severally in the quest to find its identity amongst
the proliferation of entertainment publications in Nigeria. However,
while reviewing issues Six and Nine, it was found that the former
edition possessed a better structure than the latter. While E24-7 does
not shy from mixing things up, there is something to be said for
sticking with a good template and making a signature of it.

The initiative that
inspired the publication, ‘30 People of the Year’, as the December 2009
edition must be lauded; as well as the selection criteria which ensured
that though a majority of the personalities who made up the list were
mainstream entertainment personalities, a few others – like pastor Paul
Adefarasin, leader of House on the Rock Church; and the trio of Adebola
Williams, Chude Jideonwo and Emilia Asim Ita, the initiators of The
Future Awards – who had contributed to social development in their own
remarkable ways, were recognised as well. Too little, too much.

But for all its
production quality, E24-7 has a number of shortcomings, which hopefully
are being addressed. Many of the celebrity reviews offer nothing new. A
reader, who has expended 500 naira to enjoy an edition of the magazine,
usually does this for the extra snippet of insight that the magazine
headlines suggest. I read a profile piece on Chocolate City in Issue
Nine, and I could not help but feel cheated. The profiles clued me in,
no more than I already was, about the lives and passions of the
foursome; especially MI, who admit it or not, is the most important
ambassador of the record label.

I moved on to issue
Six and was confronted with 23 pages on the Kuti clan. Reading piece
after glowing piece of copy on Femi Kuti and his family began to come
across like reading a paid advertisement. I’ll hasten to add, however,
that the piece did give a remarkable insight to, and kindle a fondness
for, the high achieving and seemingly misunderstood musician son of
Fela Kuti.

The most
fundamental problem that plagues the publication however is bad
editing. It rears its ugly head every so often when my eyes have to
skip back to the beginning of a sentence in a bid to decipher its
meaning. Errors in spelling, tenses and syntax; tautological
expressions, and overly effusive descriptions pepper the narratives.

Also columns need
to be ratified. While it is a prevalent media practice to treat
contributors’ pieces as ‘untouchables’, the editorial team should
reserve the right to set the intellectual standard of editorial
materials. And well below, what one would assume E24-7’s standard, was
Enitan Agbabiaka Ayeni’s piece, ‘The Lady in African Woman’, which
displayed a paucity of ideas and expression.

I read an
interesting article, in the ‘Flashback’ section of issue six. It was a
profile-cum-interview piece on The Lijadu Sisters, who had dominated
the Nigerian music scene in the 60s. Written about 30 years ago, the
short article gave wonderful insight on the bonds shared by the twins;
and the environment that contributed to their musical passion. It was
too dated to have been written by any E24-7 editorial staff. Alas, no
credit was given to the writer. Is this worthy of a plagiarism charge,
or am I just spoiling for a lawsuit?

That said, E24-7 fulfils the entertainment and enlightenment
objectives many publications of its ilk do not have the wherewithal to
achieve. It takes the serious and the humorous and delivers them in an
attractive package to its increasing reader-base. One can be quite
certain that as soon as the magazine rises above these (teething?)
problems – nothing that excellent editing won’t fix, E24-7 will emerge
the next height in entertainment reporting.

Click to read more Entertainment news

A new entertainment bible

A new entertainment bible

Bi-monthly
magazine, E24-7- is positioning itself to be an oracle on entertainment
information. Published by Biodun Kupoluyi, a seasoned entertainment
journalist, E24-7 has in a number of editions explored the hitherto
unexplored; celebrating the deserving and criticising the unremarkable.

The 70-page
publication spans the entertainment scene from the thespian to the
musical; and the intellectual to the inexplicably popular. It is safe
to say that after about two years of its circulation, E24-7 has
featured a good percentage of Nigeria’s seemingly inexhaustible showbiz
personalities.

With glossy pages,
attractive cover designs and headlines that tug at your penchant to
feed your curiosity on the elusive details on the lives of the
lionised, E24-7 features regular sections like: Frontrow – a panegyric
about celebrities who have in some way or the other developed their
immediate or remote environments; Spotted – quirky pictures of our
dearest celebrities showing them in less than pristine situations; News
– a double spread of short snippets of recent entertainment
developments, nationally and globally; and Movie/ Music Review, which
appraises the Nollywood and music industry offerings which have
inspired us or failed to do so.

E24-7 as expected
has metamorphosed severally in the quest to find its identity amongst
the proliferation of entertainment publications in Nigeria. However,
while reviewing issues Six and Nine, it was found that the former
edition possessed a better structure than the latter. While E24-7 does
not shy from mixing things up, there is something to be said for
sticking with a good template and making a signature of it.

The initiative that
inspired the publication, ‘30 People of the Year’, as the December 2009
edition must be lauded; as well as the selection criteria which ensured
that though a majority of the personalities who made up the list were
mainstream entertainment personalities, a few others – like pastor Paul
Adefarasin, leader of House on the Rock Church; and the trio of Adebola
Williams, Chude Jideonwo and Emilia Asim Ita, the initiators of The
Future Awards – who had contributed to social development in their own
remarkable ways, were recognised as well. Too little, too much.

But for all its
production quality, E24-7 has a number of shortcomings, which hopefully
are being addressed. Many of the celebrity reviews offer nothing new. A
reader, who has expended 500 naira to enjoy an edition of the magazine,
usually does this for the extra snippet of insight that the magazine
headlines suggest. I read a profile piece on Chocolate City in Issue
Nine, and I could not help but feel cheated. The profiles clued me in,
no more than I already was, about the lives and passions of the
foursome; especially MI, who admit it or not, is the most important
ambassador of the record label.

I moved on to issue
Six and was confronted with 23 pages on the Kuti clan. Reading piece
after glowing piece of copy on Femi Kuti and his family began to come
across like reading a paid advertisement. I’ll hasten to add, however,
that the piece did give a remarkable insight to, and kindle a fondness
for, the high achieving and seemingly misunderstood musician son of
Fela Kuti.

The most
fundamental problem that plagues the publication however is bad
editing. It rears its ugly head every so often when my eyes have to
skip back to the beginning of a sentence in a bid to decipher its
meaning. Errors in spelling, tenses and syntax; tautological
expressions, and overly effusive descriptions pepper the narratives.

Also columns need
to be ratified. While it is a prevalent media practice to treat
contributors’ pieces as ‘untouchables’, the editorial team should
reserve the right to set the intellectual standard of editorial
materials. And well below, what one would assume E24-7’s standard, was
Enitan Agbabiaka Ayeni’s piece, ‘The Lady in African Woman’, which
displayed a paucity of ideas and expression.

I read an
interesting article, in the ‘Flashback’ section of issue six. It was a
profile-cum-interview piece on The Lijadu Sisters, who had dominated
the Nigerian music scene in the 60s. Written about 30 years ago, the
short article gave wonderful insight on the bonds shared by the twins;
and the environment that contributed to their musical passion. It was
too dated to have been written by any E24-7 editorial staff. Alas, no
credit was given to the writer. Is this worthy of a plagiarism charge,
or am I just spoiling for a lawsuit?

That said, E24-7 fulfils the entertainment and enlightenment
objectives many publications of its ilk do not have the wherewithal to
achieve. It takes the serious and the humorous and delivers them in an
attractive package to its increasing reader-base. One can be quite
certain that as soon as the magazine rises above these (teething?)
problems – nothing that excellent editing won’t fix, E24-7 will emerge
the next height in entertainment reporting.

Click to read more Entertainment news

Of essays and old age

Of essays and old age

Abubakar Gimba is a
popular Northern Nigeria writer based in Minna, Niger State. The former
banker and author of about 13 works including novels, short stories,
poetry and essays, chats with NEXT about his writing career and related
issues.

Some of those who
have read Abubakar Gimba’s ‘Letter to the Unborn Child’ (Kraftgriots,
2008) believe it is a veiled rejoinder to Chinua Achebe’s ‘The Problem
With Nigeria’. Critics suggest that Gimba unduly defends leaders
against accusations that they are the cause of Nigeria’s current state
of underdevelopment.

But naturally,
Gimba does not see it this way. His central argument in the work, he
says, is that both leaders and followers are part of Nigeria’s
problems.

“It’s not a
rejoinder, but a take-off from where I thought we ought to refocus our
attention. There is truth in what [Chinua Achebe] is saying, but I
think we should broaden our horizon and look at issues from another
perspective.

What the book was
trying to do is to make all of us think and look at ourselves. We say
leadership is the problem, but leaders are people we know, grow up
together with, and criticised the previous government together. Where
do leaders come from? They don’t fall from somewhere; they emerge from
amidst us, the people.

“So, we should look
at the society. If you uphold some personal values, when you get into a
position, you will be able to effect changes because you have the
willpower. It’s not really the leader; the prophets were sent to
deliver particular messages and they were leaders. But if the people
hadn’t followed them, they wouldn’t have succeeded. Jesus [was here]
hundreds of years ago but if people don’t listen to his words, he won’t
have followers now.

“If you see
somebody leading, you have to make your own contribution to make sure
that, yes, what is being preached about works, because he alone, no
matter how good, cannot accomplish it. It seems we are not convinced
about what our leaders tell us, or we are hypocrites.”

Farewell to fiction

His concern with
the state of the society, the former president of the Association of
Nigerian Authors (ANA) adds, made him shelve fiction for essays.

“I think our
situation is so desperate that there is no time to fictionalise. When
you are an old person, you better start talking about reality. The
young ones can fantasise or fictionalise, but the old have no time to
do that. They must say the truth as they see it. I have written fiction
as a young man but now, it is better to do essays because we are in a
very bad situation.”

The limited time and the need to say what needs to be said concisely, he discloses, lured him into poetry.

“Poetry is
beautiful because it enables you to say a lot in very few words and it
encapsulates your emotions, its intensity and wit. With that, you‘ll
get across and in the process, unburden yourself. You get a lot of
ideas bottled up but until you write, you feel unsatisfied.

But once you’ve
written, you feel happy. It’s like talking to somebody; you have to
complain to somebody. A writer complains to his paper using his pen so
that people will listen. The best form now, if you are in a hurry, is
poetry.”

Unburdening himself

‘Trail of Sacrifice’, published in 1985, is the first novel by the Economist, trained at the Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria.

“I really wanted to
unburden myself. I felt very strongly about certain issues. A very
fresh graduate, I was beginning to enter the real society from the
insulated campus life,” he begins. “When I was in the university and
secondary school, I read History. I also read Ngugi’s ‘Weep not Child’.
It’s an historical novel, kind of, of the Kenyans; about the Mau-Mau
revolt. We didn’t have that kind of colonial experience but all the
same, we were in a particular situation that I thought was harmful and
we could fictionalise. That’s why I thought I could just unburden
myself a little,” he said.

He proceeded to
write a second, ‘Witnesses to Tears’ in 1986 because, “At that time,
one, I wanted to do more. Secondly, I was testing my commitment to
writing. I could fictionalise values, society and things not going the
way they should in the society. It was also to prove that I didn’t
intend to be a one book author.”

Message of change

The member of the
Literature Committee of the Nigeria Prize for Literature explains why
he prefers committed writing to writing for entertainment.

“In a society like
ours, we believe a writer is trying to create an audience, but do you
create audience just to entertain them? Have we reached that stage of
writing just to entertain when we know ideas rule the society? It is a
privilege we Nigerian writers have and when you have a privilege, you
must use it properly. For me, entertaining people is not the top
priority for a writer.

A writer should be
committed to something and, therefore, should have a message. Even if
he is writing about dancing, he should write with a view of what does
dancing do to the psyche of the people in a situation of high
depression or debilitating economic environment? Can it give them
relief; is it better for them to dance than to go and take drugs so
that they can be happy?

Every writer, in
our kind of situation, it is important you try to; I wouldn’t say you
must, no. But you should try to have a message of change; something
that will improve the lives of the people. When people talk about
rebranding, I think Nigerian writers have been in the forefront of
trying to change this country long before anybody brought the word,
‘rebranding’.”

Beyond expectations

The former executive director at Union Bank and United Bank for Africa has no more mountains to climb in his writing career.

“I set out to make
myself happy and God has helped me beyond what I anticipated. Secondly,
along the way, you begin to pick certain ideas. If I’m doing this,
others can as well do it and we tried to encourage the young ones.

In any case, from
the word go, my audience was really the young people. And in terms of
language, right from when I started writing, I made special effort to
ensure that the language is accessible to people in secondary school.
If you want to change people, you have to begin at the age when people
begin to form ideas. So, I thought if they read some of my books, they
should be able to understand and get the message. They don’t have to
agree with me, but they should get the message and I think I’ve
achieved that.”

Restricted audience

The author of some
13 works written in English and guest at a workshop on writing in
indigenous languages, why hasn’t he written in his native Nupe?

“It’s a personal
belief, but as you are doing it, you must have a vision of what you
want to achieve. I haven’t thought about it because I felt if I write
in Nupe that means I want only my Nupe people to understand. I could
write in my indigenous language if I feel it is going extinct and I
want to revive it. That way, it’s a goal.

“Even if it’s 10 people that understand it, I could be fighting that
it should be taught in schools and I will write books for it. It
depends on the goals, but for me, there are certain messages to get
across that I assume are transnational in nature. If I write in Nupe,
the audience will be restricted.”

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What’s ON

What’s ON

Thresholds: Salon
art exhibition by Treasure House Fine Arts Gallery, featuring various
artists – Protea Hotel, Ikoyi Westwood, 22 Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos.
September 24 till October 3.

‘1979’: A Peep into
History and Culture by Tam Fiofori – – Thought Pyramid Art Gallery,
Parakou Crescent, Wuse 2, Abuja. September 23 to October 7.

TuFace in Concert:
Hosted by Basket Mouth
– The New Expo Hall, Eko Hotel & Suites,
Victoria Island, Lagos. 7pm. September 26.

Oluronbi: The
musical celebrates Naija @ 50. 3pm & 6pm. MUSON Centre. September
26 & October 2; National Theatre – October 3.

The Story of
Slavery:
Excursion to Badagry – Departs Ikeja, Lagos @ 9am. Price: N5,
000. Info: 08039732757/ tariebanks@yahoo.com. October 1.

Fragments: Exhibition by Sam Ebohon. 5pm. Omenka Gallery, 24, Ikoyi Crescent, Ikoyi, Lagos. September 24 till October 8.

Langbodo: Stage drama by Late Wole Ogunyemi. 12 noon, 3 pm and 6 pm. Main Auditorium, University of Lagos. October 1 to 3.

Ayetoro live: Music performance directed by Funsho Ogundipe. 6pm. Lagos Oriental Hotel, Lekki. September 26. RSVP: 07029454443.

Lagos ancient to
modern, 1960 to 2010:
Photo/Art exhibition. 7pm daily. Federal Palace
Hotel, Victoria Island, Lagos. Till October 1.

Eko for Show: Boat Regatta. 10am. The Boat Club, Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos. September 27. Invitation only.

Yeepa! Solarin Nbo: play by Tunde Kelani and Mufu Onifade. 5pm. MUSON centre, Onikan, Lagos
& National Theatre, Lagos. September 28 & 29.

Fere Bi Ekun (A callous and notorious brigand): play by Adebayo Faleti. 6pm. Glover Hall, Ikoyi, Lagos. September 28.

Ajantala: A
playwright’s interpretation of Nigeria over 49 years. 1pm & 8pm.
MUSON Centre, Onikan, Lagos & National Theatre, Lagos. October 9,
15 & 19. Invitation only.

Sound, Style and
Cuisine of Lagos:
A celebration of Lagos culture. 6pm. Venues: Ikorodu
Town Hall; Epe Recreation Club; 10 Degrees Event Centre, Ikeja; Lagos
City Hall; Badagry French Village. September 29. Invitation only.

Eyo Festival: 9am. Lagos Island. October 2.

Anatomy of our
Independence:
Art Exhibition by Society of Nigerian Artists. 11am.
Women Development Centre, Abuja. September 27 till October 1.

Please send details of art events 10 days in advance by SMS (07034086014) or email: culture@234next.com.

Click to read more Entertainment news