Women in Igbo proverbs
Like most Nigerian
communities, the Igbo are politically egalitarian and socially
patriarchal. One of the myths of origin among the Igbo has it that
Chukwu is the Supreme Creator. Chukwu is neither male nor female, and
of all its creation, human beings are the most priceless. However, like
most African myths of origin, it was through the abominable acts of
women that evil came into the world. Another origin myth has it that
although Chukwu is solely a man, he takes on a masculine character
(Mmoo), and a feminine appearance (Agwu). The masculine side of Chukwu
is believed to be kind, sympathetic, and generous to his creatures, but
the feminine side is believed to be mean and evil.
These perceptions
about masculinity and femininity have significantly affected the
socio-cultural beliefs and attitudes of men and women in Igboland. To
Acholonu (1995:6), the Igbo operate a dual sex hierarchy in which ‘men
and women exist in parallel and complementary positions and roles
within the society’, but this does not erase the general view that men
are superior and women are inferior. This basic perception about men
and women defines the socio-cultural beliefs and the practices of the
average Igbo. Even within such seemingly simple acts as naming a child,
play types, and dietary values, the superiority and inferiority
dichotomy are glaringly observed.
Myth provides the
basis for men’s exploitation of women in various contexts of
relationship. It should be noted that the institution of polygamy
always thrives in patriarchal societies. The Igbo man is thus
conditioned to believe he is a conqueror of lesser mortals like “weak”
men (in terms of wealth, physical prowess, etc.) and especially over
women who he regards as infinitely inferior to him. Many myths
celebrate men’s physical strength side by side the commodification of
women.
This can be seen in
traditional and modern Igbo communities where a man’s wealth is not
only measured by the amount of money he has, but also by the number of
wives he possesses. In contemporary times, one observes a large number
of Igbo men concentrating their energies on trade and enterprise, while
Igbo women gain more interest in higher education. It is a source of
pride, therefore, for an uneducated Igbo businessman to “win the hand”
of a fairly or very educated Igbo woman in marriage. A wealthy man,
they believe, is one who is rich enough to be able to “buy” a woman of
a high status. Such marriages of unequal bedfellows are becoming common
among the Igbo.
Women and men are
conditioned with myths that equate marriage with happiness. For women
especially, marriage is a must. No matter the level of academic
success, a woman who is not married cannot claim to be accomplished.
Much emphasis is also placed on bearing children. A childless woman is
always held in contempt and is the object of jokes and insults. Yet,
women as wives put a cloak of honour and responsibility on their
husbands. A married man, especially one with several wives, is accorded
much respect and honour, and sometimes chosen to be in charge of some
sensitive responsibilities in his community. In the Igbo society, the
man is the head, while the woman is the tail. The man’s word is law.
Several myths, folktales, proverbs and socio-cultural practices attest
to this.
This reality
manifests in the act of surnaming. A child must bear the father’s or
grandfather’s name in every positive situation. But if otherwise,
-Ajo nwa naaza aha nne ya (a bad child answers his or her mother’s name).
Some scholars have
stressed that Igbo women are positively portrayed, as seen in the names
they bear. One of such names is Nneka, meaning “mother is supreme”.
However, Chinua
Achebe in his first novel, ‘Things Fall Apart’, uses one of the male
characters, Uchendu, as his mouthpiece to query some of the
inconsistencies involved in negating all women, and at the same time
pretending otherwise by glorifying mothers:
We all know that a
man is the head of the family and his wives do his bidding. A child
belongs to its fatherland and not to his motherland. And yet we say
Nneka – ‘mother is supreme’! Why is that? (pp. 121-2) Several novels by
Igbo authors like Achebe, Elechi Amadi, Flora Nwapa, etc, have
extensively portrayed the negativity ascribed to women. For example, in
terms of fertility, a woman is not only expected to bear children, but
mostly male children. Perhaps, as a way of reflecting this preference
for male children, some Igbo name their girl-children, Nwaanyibunwa, “a
female is as good a child as the male”. Though the assertion is
positive, it nonetheless indicates that there is a cultural query on
the female child.
It is a fact that
some families are made up of only female children. Though the man
mourns his misfortune, he takes solace in the Igbo practice of the
payment of dowry by the husband-to-be to the family of the wife-to-be.
So, even though he does not have an heir apparent that will massage his
patriarchal ego and keep his name alive, the wealth he acquires, in
terms of material possessions and money from the dowry that will be
paid to him for giving his daughter away, serves as a source of
comfort. The monetary gain expected from female children is depicted by
some of the names they bear:
Nwaanyibuihe – The female sex is valuable Adabuaku _ A daughter brings wealth Akunna _ Father’s wealth.
When it comes to
the issue of infertility, the patriarchal community reserves some grace
for the man – if he is the one that is impotent. He can, to cover up
his feelings of embarrassment, shame, and impotence, arrange for his
wife to be impregnated by a secret lover whose identity must never be
disclosed to anyone. For the barren woman, however, there is no hiding,
no saving grace. She is barren, and it stays like that for all to see.
As earlier stated,
the Igbo take the institution of marriage seriously. Through marriage
especially, people are conditioned to promote the socio-cultural status
quo so that peace and harmony, conceived in patriarchal terms, would
continue to reign in the community. Many proverbs encourage men and
women to marry. To the Igbo, a married man or woman is seen as being
responsible. These are some of the proverbs that encourage men to marry:
-Okokporo si na ahia ekwoghi ekwo o,
umu ya ha di ole n’ahia?
(If a bachelor complains that the market is not full,
how many of his children are there?) In this proverb, an unmarried man is advised to get married and have children.
-Okorobia luo
nwaanyi ndimmuo amara (When a young man gets married, the spirit visits
him) It is only when a man is married that visitors from the spirit
realm will bless his union with children.
-Okokporo chupu oke n’ulo ya na onye ebiri?
(If the bachelor
chases away the rat from his house, who will live with him?) These
proverbs urge young men to get married so that they can beget children,
have company, and enjoy divine visitation. The only threat one can
decipher from analysing the proverbs above is that a man who is not
willing to get married should brace himself up for a life of loneliness.
One gets a completely different picture from the proverbs that have to do with women and marriage:
-Agbogho hokaria di ya aluo eke mmuo (If a maiden is too particular in choosing a husband, she will marry the spirit python).
This proverb warns
the woman to marry on time, even if the husband-to-be is not the one
she really desires. She is to accept wholeheartedly the “community’s
choice” of a husband over her own preference.
-Agbogho luo di abuo ya ahoro nke ka ya mma.
(If a young woman marries two husbands, she will choose the better of the two).
Here, the proverb
“comforts” a maiden who has had the misfortune of marrying a husband of
her own choice against her parents’ wishes. By the time she eventually
returns to marry her parents’ choice, she would be much wiser.
-Agbogho ngaghari ngaghari anaghi anogide na di (A flirtatious maiden does not remain in matrimony).
This sexist proverb
creates fear and offers no comfort to its target audience. It is issued
as a warning to young women, who are still active, intelligent and
inquisitive to desist from keeping male friends, be they platonic or
intimate, outside the matrimonial home.
A successful
marriage is highly regarded in the Igbo community. If a marriage
disintegrates, the woman loses all forms of respect and becomes the
butt of cruel jokes and amusement among family members as well as
peers. On the contrary, however, society expects the man to be
flirtatious in order to woo and win many women as wives.
The proverb thus
offers no comfort to wives who experience psychological and emotional
trauma from their husbands. They are to remain perpetually patient in
their suffering not only for the children’s sake, but also for the
purpose of being seen as points of reference whenever successful
marriages are discussed.
Some other Igbo proverbs portray women as greedy, frivolous, miserly, and selfish:
-Anu kwuru n’oku,
nwanyi ejebe ozi ezighi ezi (When meat is roasting over a fire, the
woman suddenly becomes over-agreeable and eager to serve and please).
-Nwanyi lelia diya, ekwu akpo ya nku (A woman who disrespects or disregards her husband becomes wretched and destitute).
Nwanyi kaba nka,
odika ejighiaku luo ya (As a woman grows old, it seems as if her
marriage was not contracted with great wealth).
The above proverbs support a general belief that women become less beautiful and appealing as they grow older.
-Asiri guba nwanyi, obulie ekwu oku ya (When a woman wants to gossip, she carries her hearth along with her).
Here, women are seen as frivolous and gossips.
-Ji gwu n’oba, nwayi azaba oku ike (When there are no yams in the barn,
the woman becomes hostile and insubordinate).
This proverb portrays women as calculating, greedy and pretentious.
-Agbogho gaa ajo ije, ya akpaa nku e doro ihe (If a young woman wanders aimlessly,
she will gather the firewood preserved with a spell).
This particular
proverb warns inquisitive and adventurous young women to desist from
the temptation of wanting to try out new ideas or practices. Instead,
they should be contented with what is in practice (i.e. tradition), for
the good of all.
-Okorobia nwannyi
naafuru oja mmuo aja na-awu (The young man whose praise flute is blown
by a woman jumps over the mud fence of the spirits).
The above proverb
advises men to be wary of taking advice from women – be it from their
mothers, sisters, aunts, or wives – as such will always lead them into
danger. They should be more wary of receiving praises from women as
such praises are often not sincere and can mislead them. The proverb
further re-states the patriarchal belief that women are emotional and
illogical.
Though these
proverbs might seem old-fashioned, they are also much in vogue and
serve as the basis upon which new proverbs and sayings that undermine
women are created. The dynamism that defines development in society has
also equipped the creators of proverbs to be more adept at coining new
ones: either re-crafting the old proverbs in “new” ways that reflect
contemporary experience, or forming new ones entirely. Whichever way,
however, the results are the same: women are essentially evil and
negative. These become reflected in many programmes and drama
presentations on television, in popular magazines, indigenous and
contemporary music, etc.
The harsh economic
experience of the country since the early 1980s has led to the
emergence of more women as breadwinners in their families. The
austerity measures adopted by various Nigerian governments drastically
affected many men in the formal waged sector. Since most women are
concentrated in the informal sector, the onus “naturally” falls on them
to become the financiers of their families. In this type of situation
that has become quite common, one finds men becoming more aggressive,
unnecessarily sensitive, overbearing, and rude. Some men even resort to
physically battering their wives as a way of [re]asserting their
headship of the family.
Though one cannot
excuse the excesses of some women who find themselves in new positions
of power and authority that come with being the breadwinners of their
homes, the psychological trauma of women who shoulder the heavy
responsibilities of being wives, mothers, and now “heads” of their
families cannot be wished away. Many women in this type of situation go
out of their way to be extra careful in their relationship with their
husbands by making them feel that they (the men) are in control, in
spite of some contrary realities. This is domestic diplomacy and there
is not much that is wrong with it.
However, there is
everything questionable about a man who does not appreciate the efforts
of his wife at maintaining the patriarchal status quo. There is
everything wrong with a society that encourages its men to take a
malicious delight in belittling the complementary efforts of women who
are constantly reminded that:
A naghi ekunyere nkita abuo mmiri n’otu eju (You do not put water in one jug for two dogs).
