Archive for nigeriang

Boko Haram members threaten another mayhem

Boko Haram members threaten another mayhem

The Borno State
Police Command said on Monday that it had uncovered a plot by the Boko
Haram Islamic sect to cause another round of mayhem in the state.

The state’s
Commissioner of Police, Ibrahim Abdu, who disclosed this to journalists
in Maiduguri, said the attack was to commemorate the one year
anniversary of the death of the sect’s leader, Sheikh Mohammed Yusuf.

Mr. Yusuf died under controversial circumstances after he was arrested and transferred from the military to the police.

Mr. Abdu said the
threat should be of concern to law-abiding citizens of the state, as
the safety of Borno should be of priority to everybody.

He called on
traditional and religious leaders, as well as members of the public, to
assist the police with useful information on the whereabouts of the
proscribed Boko Harm members.

“We have put in
place a surveillance team, ‘Stop and Search patrol’, as well as plain
clothes policemen. Police officers have been deployed to strategic
positions in the state as part of security arrangements,” he said.

The commissioner
advised the people to go about their normal businesses, assuring them
that the police and other security agencies are in position to
guarantee their safety.

In 2009, the group unleashed mayhem in some states in northern
Nigeria that led to the death of over 700 people in clashes between
them and security forces. The group seeks the imposition of sharia law
throughout Nigeria.

Read More stories from Source

Ways to a meaningful living

Ways to a meaningful living

What are our lives
about? The cycle of life is basically being born, living, then dying.
And throughout that lifelong journey we are learning.

Learning to
survive, learning to thrive, learning from our experiences and the
experiences of others, learning together in families and groups,
suffering from lack of learning, accumulating learning (knowledge),
applying or failing to apply learning, benefiting from learning,
becoming learned, and passing on learning to others with a sense of
having lived a fulfilled and meaningful life. At least that is what
many of us hope for.

The reason I like
the word ‘learning’ is that it implies there is something that we need
to learn, that we need to apply, that we need to benefit from. The
activity of learning, on its own, is insufficient without the content
of the learning; the purpose behind it and the substance of the effort.
In teaching and learning, there has been an ongoing struggle between
the substance of education (the content), and the form of education
(the systems and policies).

The substance of an
education includes learning knowledge and developing skills, and it can
be measured in academic success, the well-being of students, their
values and ethics, their employability, participation in class,
engagement with research and teachers, a sense of belonging and pride
in the alma mater, the ability to sustain relationships, the
applicability of what they have learned in everyday life, and what they
are able to achieve through the application of their minds and bodies.

Very often, this
substance is expressed in institutions of learning via various forms;
such as attendance in class, hours of teaching time, place of learning,
class size, teacher-student ratios, policies and processes,
qualifications of teachers etcetera.

In young adulthood,
sometimes we have good substance in imperfect form – the National Youth
Service Corps is a good example. I don’t think anyone debates the
tremendous value to our graduates and to national identity of the NYSC,
but because the form, the way it is managed and the risks the youth
corps members are exposed to, are unacceptable, people are agitating to
‘throw the baby out with the bath water.’ Thus, we lose all benefits
and impact of NYSC on employers, young lives and our nation – in effect
the substance of the service year – because the organization behind it
is not responding well to changing and deteriorating societal
conditions.

Electing to discard
substance, rather than to improve the form it takes, can only take us
backward; the way our infrastructure, our educational institutions and
our traditional values have gone backwards. Does anyone dispute the
life lessons inherent in many of our native traditions?

Abhorrence of some
of the practices employed to teach those lessons has led to the
traditions themselves being abandoned rather than changed. The result?
A generation growing up without imbibing the necessary values and
without home training.

Our native
intelligence is very wise. A child with good home training but without
formal education can develop the basics with just a year of adult
learning because they have received the substance of a real education
at home. The values that are embedded through our home cultures, of
respect for elders, manners, cleanliness, teamwork, caring, hard work,
and long hours should not have been jettisoned when the opportunity of
sending children to school appeared. That was an opportunity to improve
the substance of our education by adding to it. Instead, we invested in
a new form and lost the core substance that sustains us as a people.

Seek substance Is
this where we are going wrong, by confusing form and substance? Making
things look grand instead of making them work? Building a school, even
if it does not deliver an education! Opening a beautiful restaurant
with an attractive menu, when the service is bad and half the dishes
not available. The titles – Chief, Senator, and Manager – come with
responsibilities. Without the burden of accountability and the results
of their work, the titles are meaningless and empty.

Let’s stop treating
form as substance. Don’t respect anyone for having a job or position if
they are not doing the work that comes with it. The reason for the job
is the work. Without it, it is valueless and un-deserving of respect.

Let’s stop focusing
on appearances instead of on worth. Driving a big car when you do not
have money to fuel it, or wearing designer clothes when you cannot pay
school fees is capital and energy diverted from productivity and it is
a big shame. Let’s stop investing in form rather than substance. Look
for the school where your child can get the best all-round education in
academics, behaviour and attitude, rather than the latest ‘in-fashion’
school where all the ‘big’ people’s children go. Of course, if that
school is also the best, then that is a lucky coincidence.

Seek substance, demand substance, fight for substance. Form, and ‘for show’ can come afterwards.

Read More stories from Source

Do BP’s initials stand for Bad at Politics?

Do BP’s initials stand for Bad at Politics?

This was bound to
be a difficult time for the company long known as British Petroleum. An
explosion at an oil well near the southern U.S. coast has set-off the
worst spill in American history. Even after nearly two months it’s
still not plugged.

President Barack
Obama pumped up the pressure on BP this week. He made his fourth visit
to the disaster zone, spoke about it in the first televised address
he’s ever made from the enormously symbolic setting of the Oval Office
and summoned BP executives to meet face-to-face.

Obama has blamed
the company at every opportunity and used this week’s White House
meeting to convince it to create a 20-billion-dollar fund to cover the
environmental and economic cost.

But BP executives seem adept at making things worse on their own.

BP Chief Executive
Tony Hayward first described the spill as ‘tiny’ and then ‘very, very
modest.’ He complained that he wanted his life back, apparently
forgetting that 11 rig workers lost their lives in the explosion that
set-off the spill.

His boss hardly
helped. After the meeting with Obama this week, BP Chairman Carl-Henric
Svanberg apologized and said his company wouldn’t ignore the people
affected by the spill’s impact on fishing, tourism or way of life.

“We care about the
small people,” he said. That unfortunate turn of phrase seemed like a
patronizing description of the very people already punished by BP’s
mishap. The chairman later apologized for that too.

The politics have been bad for President Obama as well.

A USA Today/Gallup poll found that 71 percent of Americans say the president hasn’t been tough enough on BP.

His administration is being blamed for what local residents describe as a slow and disorganized response to the catastrophe.

BP and the Obama
administration have been unintentionally paired-up in an awkward
partnership. Both are suffering the effects of the spill. Neither has
been able to end it.

There is just too much oil and a lot of Bad Politics.

Read More stories from Source

Sequels, Franchises and the whole cheating system

Sequels, Franchises and the whole cheating system

I do not like sequels… or prequels or “triquels” or “quadruquels” for that matter! I view them as cheats and opportunistic attempts at taking advantage of the original and the audience. Even bonafide sequels like the ones in the Harry Potter series get my ire. Why repeat the same old story in a less than- original way? Of course, there really should be nothing original about a sequel or it would not be a sequel.

It would just be an entirely different movie, not worthy of being called a sequel. Then it might just lose at the box office because it has nothing in common with the original version that brought in big bucks for the originally innovative producers who unsatisfied with just one explosive story think that tweaking the storyline one way and another and messing with the characters would continue to inspire love in us and make tremendous money for them. That is the franchisee spirit! Franchise! Oh, how I hate that word! It is blatantly and unabashedly capitalistic! “Hey, we are glad you loved our first movie and since we are not inventive enough to come up with a better storyline based on different characters that would equally blow your mind away, we might as well just take these ones you love so much and turn them into something you will later come to view with a mix of exasperation, wistful nostalgia and lots of irritation.” What brought on this rant? Shrek the fourth chapter! I mean Shrek Forever After (and hopefully AMEN!)

I love Shrek. I loved him right from the first day I heard Mike Myers’ heavily accented voice and saw Donkey do the Eddie Murphy thing with his teeth. I loved Shrek the first. Then I tried to understand Shrek the second. By Shrek the third, the only thing that intrigued me was why the Justin Timberlake character ever existed.

Then now Shrek the fourth and I feel cheated, duped, used, outsmarted! I mean these guys rather than entertain us just want to play on our sentiments. It does not even matter to them that few sequels in history have ever been par with the original or made as much money. But then it is not the “as much money” they are concerned about; it is the money, period. Because they know that if you really enjoyed the first movie you would be willing and eager to part with your money to go watch a part two and even maybe, just maybe, put your hands in your pocket again and again for a part three and four. And why would you do that? Because you have become sentimentally attached to the original characters.

In fact some people become so attached to a story or characters in a movie that a whole bunch of straight to video movies is churned out especially for them. Check out the American Pie series. It is like junk food- you know it is bad for you but you keep eating it anyway probably because of the Ajino Moto or the trans-fat it is made with. Either way, something in junk food makes us keeping longing for it no matter how fat we become from eating it. It was rather unfortunate that I did not pay to watch the movie because I was seriously tempted after an hour twenty minutes of pure torture to go and ask for my money back. You ask me if it was that bad why stay through one hour 20 minutes? Because it’s like listening to your daughter make the same joke for the umpteenth time.

You don’t shut her up or get up and walk away. You wait patiently while she repeats the now familiar words all with a sickly painful smile on your face and then when she finally drops the punch line you politely chuckle and pray to the highest heavens that she never repeats the joke again. Thank God they said it is the last in the franchise. But with Hollywood, you never know. Give them twelve years just like with John McClane and the Die Hards that failed to just die or Rocky that eventually lived up to its name by the sixth and after-how-manyyears installment. They just might release Shrek the Grandpa.

Why can’t they just accept that we loved the original version of the movie and move on to other projects? Why keep flogging us over the head with washed-up stars, uninspiring storylines, overdone visual effects and now lousy characters? Yet we complain when Nollywood does part one to four. At least in Nollywood’s case all the parts are just an unnecessary elongation of a rather short predictable story but with credible cliffhangers that justify one coughing out money to buy the CDs. But imagine paying more than that at the cinemas for the oyibo version of a desperado attempt to make money without being original! Yes, say it with me- I have just been had!

Go to Source

Oil spillage and accountability

Oil spillage and accountability

The oil business
has not been the same since April 20th this year for BP, American
president, Barack Obama, the American people and the entire world,
reason being that BP’s equipment in the Gulf of Mexico where they drill
for oil malfunctioned and started spewing oil into the water, in very
large quantities. BP has not slept neither has Obama, the oil company’s
misdeed (accident or no accident) is synonymous with murder.

Environmentalists
are huffing and puffing, rightly so; lawyers are analysing and getting
ready to sue the living day lights out of BP, and the ordinary people
whose livelihoods have been disrupted are screaming blue murder. Water,
sand, birds, fauna, people are being tested and analysed by biologists
and scientists to ascertain damage. America is a country that does not
lie low when it comes to environmental issues like oil spillage. They
are holding their president accountable and Obama is holding BP
responsible and accountable.

Sadly and
interesting though, what is going on in the Gulf of Mexico right now is
a daily occurrence in our Niger Delta. There is a conservative estimate
of about 10 million gallons of oil spilling into our water annually for
the past fifty years. One cannot even begin to imagine the
environmental degradation and death this constant unchecked spillage
has brought on our waters and the surrounding creeks. Not once have we
seen the oil companies in this country held responsible or accountable
by our government. We have never seen our president or any government
official visit disaster sites in the Niger Delta.

Obama has made two
trips to Louisiana already. He knows what is at stake politically and
otherwise for his young administration. The American people will speak
loudly come next election, and hold him responsible for whatever is
happening now. This is why he is shaking BP and its executives. So far
he has made BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg apologise and own up to
the spillage. “I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to
the American people on behalf of all employees of BP, many of whom are
living on the Gulf Coast, and I thank you for your patience…we care
about the small people”.

Not only has
Svanberg apologised, he has also committed $23. 2 billion into a
compensation fund and the America government is not even done with BP
yet. That is what a functioning government does for its citizens; help
the “small” people. Our government has never forced the big careless
oil companies in this country to care about the “small” people of Niger
Delta.

Nigerian
governments have always colluded and collaborated to continue the
onslaught in Niger Delta. Whenever the ordinary fishermen whose
livelihoods have been taken away rise in unity to demand justice, the
Nigerian Army mows them down. Most villages have been completely wiped
out of existence for daring to raise their voices against oil spillage.
The oil companies who have operated on our shores for more than half a
century know how corrupt the system is and have wasted no time in
exploiting it. They know we have no government to hold them responsible
for their criminal activities, like Obama is doing right now with BP.
So, the spillage continues and the Niger Delta ebbs away.

Oil companies here know Nigeria is a no man’s land, if you have ‘big money’ you can get away with practically anything.

The question we should be asking now is, what is our new President
(who by the way has a firsthand experience on the devastating nature of
oil spillage in the Niger Delta) learning from his American
counterpart’s experience? Since we seem to imitate a lot, will he learn
to hold errant oil companies spilling oil in his homeland accountable?

Go to Source

FORENSIC FORCE: Now that rotational presidency is anathema…

FORENSIC FORCE: Now that rotational presidency is anathema…

No one pretended
that it was democratic. Its sole purpose was to ensure that the South
produced a president at a time the country was reeling from the
excesses of Generals Babangida and Abacha’s dictatorships. It was a
compromise in national interest. And so it was that rotational
presidency produced Obasanjo (who as it turned out, was not the South’s
best specimen).

After Obasanjo’s 8
years power returned to the North, but Yar’Adua died shortly
afterwards, returning the presidency back to the South. Suddenly,
rotational presidency is now ‘unconstitutional’. In an ironic throwback
to the Abacha era, motley groups have emerged with the stated mission
of ‘convincing’ President Goodluck Jonathan to run for president in
2011. As if the man needs any convincing…

But the propriety
or morality of rotational presidency is not the crux of this piece; it
is the fact that 11 years of democracy has only ‘democratised’ poverty,
especially in the North. The concern of most people in the North is not
the presidency, but poverty. Did Babangida’s eight years improve the
North? Or conversely, did Obasanjo’s 8 years really improve the South?
So while the political elite fight about what the mother tongue of the
next president should be, the real issue must be how to challenge
poverty.

The focus should be
on multiplying the hundreds of trucks laden with fresh food produced
from irrigated schemes in the North that depart for markets all over
Nigeria daily. The irrigation infrastructures that produced the crops
were built in the 1970s, implying that Nigeria is capable of meeting
its food needs and even for export through the expansion of irrigation.
Today, less than 10 of the country’s irrigable land are irrigated.

Nigeria has the
potential to become a global food exporter by expanding irrigation. In
1999, 42 percent of arable land in Asia was irrigated, 31 percent in
the Near East and North Africa, 14 percent in Latin America and the
Caribbean, and only four percent in sub-Saharan Africa. Irrigation
increases yields of most crops by 100 to 400 percent.

Increased irrigated
agriculture is a key to reducing poverty. In many countries, irrigation
triggered high economic growth increased incomes and improved
nutrition. It raises yields and is essential to increasing
productivity. Farmers benefit from irrigation through increased and
more stable incomes and the higher value of irrigated land. Nigeria has
large untapped reserves of groundwater. In addition, there is great
potential for harvesting water runoff and for farming lowlands and
valley bottoms that catch it naturally.

The development of
small, cost-efficient earth dams is important in breaking the poverty
circle. A study of small-scale irrigation schemes across Africa found
that irrigation improved incomes, diets and health. For example, when
women no longer had to fetch water from far away, they had time to
start market gardens, thereby improving their incomes and diets. The
benefits extended beyond increased agricultural productivity. Women
earned income and helped families reduce debt. It increased school
attendance, reduced seasonal migration for work and earned cash to pay
for previously unaffordable essentials.

Underused water
resources in Nigeria offer great potential for irrigation using simple
and inexpensive technologies. Irrigation development is a goldmine as
long as it includes: (1) a sustainable strategy for irrigated
agriculture in Nigeria; (2) development of cost effective rain
harvesting techniques for domestic and agricultural uses; (3) steps to
position Nigeria as Africa’s leading organic crop production area; (4)
creation for millions of direct and indirect employment; (5)
encouraging the emergence of agro-allied industries in; (6) ensuring
better management of soil moisture in rain fed areas; (7) facilitation
of direct investment in water harvesting and storage.

Focus must be on
the development of small-scale community-based irrigation schemes;
improved water access and control for semi-urban agriculture; the
evolution of an environmentally sound system of improved water access
for livestock in arid and semi-arid areas; better alignment of
irrigation and drainage institutions, and transfer of responsibilities
for operation, maintenance and management of irrigation and drainage
systems to organised local user groups; cost-sharing for infrastructure
improvement; appropriate systems of water rights and volumetric
delivery for greater efficiency in water use; and re-dimensioning of
irrigation systems where they are not financially or environmentally
viable.

Implementing these
strategies will create millions of jobs. Food security would be
assured. Environmental challenges would be mitigated. Foreign exchange
earnings would be boosted and poverty eradicated. If we focus on the
things that are truly important like fighting poverty, who wants to
know if the next president is Goodluck Jonathan or Badluck Babangida?

Go to Source

Bring in the noise, bring in the funk

Bring in the noise, bring in the funk

Every columnist
worth his or her onions and tomatoes has written about the vuvuzela,
the non-musical musical instrument of choice for fans at the World Cup
in South Africa. The “others” are finding Africaness difficult to
contend with. The suburbia cannot handle the disturbia. Some compare it
to the humming of a million bees while others say the sound is like an
African elephant charging in the jungle.

They say the sound
is distracting them, making conversation difficult during play –
Omaseo! I have never heard where football is quietly played like golf
in Augusta, Georgia. I really feel sorry for these people; life must be
difficult outside GRAs of their clinical world.

And patiently I am
waiting for the first Lagosian or the average Nigerian to complain
about the vuvuzela, so I can scream HYPOCRITE! Not with the honking of
cars, molues, trucks or okada horns blasting day and night in our
streets.

As for me, the
sound of a vuvuzela is not strange to me one bit. Where I come from it
is known as akala (ours is made from wood), usually blown during the
Esan Igbabornelimin (dance of the spirit). The akala is an essential
musical instrument that whips up the spirit in the masquerade to
perform the magic that makes him spin in mid-air, sometimes with one
leg. The masquerade yearns for the akala sound, without it the dance is
lacklustre, dull, dispirited and sadly un-African.

As a kid, the sound
of the akala also signified the imminent dance, the calling of the
ancestors to come for an earthly jamboree. That experience is ancient
now, the sound of the Esan vuvuzela known as akala is gradually fading
because the masquerades have left the square.

The new vuvuzelic
experience I am having these days is in my Lagos neigbourhood. Day and
night, I hear the vuvuzela-like humming sound from north, south, east
and west of my apartment. My neighbours’ generators (including my small
“I better pass my neighbour”) generate so much noise that what these
vuvuzela Europeans are complaining about sounds like Hugh Masekela’s
Hope album in one’s ears.

The one that really
mimics the sound of one-hundred-and-fifty-million humming bees is the
generator that belongs to the Redeemed Church opposite my parlour. It
is one of those earth-shaking types that give my entire house
earthquake tremors. It used to annoy me, but because it belongs to the
house of God, I have figured out a way to benefit from the booming
sound. Every Sunday morning before I go to my own service, I put on a
track suit, stand in my living room with feet firmly placed on the
ground and I’d grip the burglary proofing on my window, with my iPod
blasting “I have a very big God du o, who is always on my side…” After
about thirty minutes of the generator’s sound shaking me up, I start
sweating like a vuvuzela dipped in water. That is my Sunday workout
regime now, I have found a way to benefit and deal with the sound.

And this is what I
want those complainants to do, find a way to deal with the noise of the
vuvuzela and embrace the “otherliness” in the other. A visitor does not
dictate to a host how to sit on his own chair. For we are Africans, we
bring in the noise and we bring in the funk. It’s a bit surprising and
annoying that the rest of the complaining world actually thought that
Africa would not bring something peculiarly exciting to the World Cup.
What were they expecting, pianos and cellos that buzz like misguided
anopheles mosquitoes?

It also shows none
of these complainants have ever worshipped in an African pentecostal
church. Sad. We don’t hide or control our excitement. When we are
chasing the devil, we scream, blow vuvuzelas and run with agbada and
buba flaying through the entire church. During thanksgiving we roll on
the floor from one end to the other – carpeted floor or dusty muddy
floor, governor or ordinary citizen, because that is how we roll.

My only regret in
the whole anti-vuvuzeling clamour is that South Africans did not know
that the sound of vuvuzela could be used as a Weapon of Mass
Distraction. If they did, I doubt that Apartheid would have lasted that
long. Can you imagine if every oppressed South African or every member
of the ANC party back in the WHITES ONLY days, decided to blow
vuvuzelas day and night in the white supremacist quarters? No weapon
fashioned against them would have prospered. The world would have
witnessed a modern day falling of the walls of Jericho by Joshua’s
vuvuzelists.

Since I am unable
to attend the Mundial in SA (thankfully so, for our perenial losing
Super Eagles would have given me indigestion and a dose of HPB) I
kindly beseech our 62 Senators that have gone to proudly and loudly
represent Nigeria to bring me colourful vuvuzelas – come 2011 Elections
me and some of my vuvuzelous friends might need them.

Don’t worry about what we are going to do with them in Abuja.

Go to Source

FOOD MATTERS: See your mouth

FOOD MATTERS: See your mouth

I
sent a blackberry message to my husband asking if he had had lunch. His
response, “… having porridge yam”. “You mean yam pottage” I proposed,
and received an abrupt, “…what the cook is making is porridge yam and
not yam pottage. Thank you!”

He was right of
course. Nigerians call it yam porridge even though porridge by strict
definition is oats or other grains or legumes boiled in water or milk
or both, usually served hot. But here we are living in the only country
in the world where the words “see your mouth!” are an insult and a
provocation. We must concede that we have our own legitimate way of
naming things. Oats cooked in milk or water is not porridge. No matter
the brand of the oats, it is “Quakeroats!”

As to the
disdainful drawing of attention to someone’s mouth by using the words,
“see your mouth!” or the other popular and perhaps more painful, “see
your head!” the question is: “What about my mouth?”

One does not need
to break this down for a Nigerian. The three words mean there is
something annoying about the mouth; either in the way that it is moving
in speech, or in it is mastication of food, or in the God given shape
of the whole thing. Even if it is a perfect enough mouth, the insult is
effective because ones lips are not in view like one’s hands or feet.
Its posture cannot be vigilantly monitored to ensure it is always
perfectly aligned. The insult is really about bestowing a dose of acute
self-consciousness on the person being insulted so his mind is
involuntarily divided in two. One half thinking up a face-saving
response and the other half frantically cogitating: “What about my
mouth…Well what about it?!”

It is yam porridge
for another reason: I find the duality of purpose of the mouth
fascinating. It speaks and it eats. And because these two fellows are
effectively sharing the same door, it is hard to argue about details of
their intimacy. If a Nigerian mouth says that what it is eating is yam
porridge, then that is what it is.

It is also
interesting to think about how we refer to our cooking or dining
implements. I used to wonder why it was necessary for Nigerians to say,
“please abeg”. Why is one “please” not sufficient? The answer I suppose
is simple enough; the speaker is making a strong emphasis and
distinguishing between a simple please and an earnest one.

And so it is with
words like “cooking pot” and “feeding spoon” and “broken plate” and
“glass cup” where we are emphasising and also distinguishing a flower
pot or water pot from a cooking one; a spoon for eating from one for
cooking; a ceramic plate from a “pan”, and a special guest worthy
drinking glass from a plain cup that any old body can drink out of.

I once planned an
expedition to Watt market in Calabar to find and buy a duck. I was
advised that in order not to waste my time and draw attention to
myself, attention that would only make it more difficult to negotiate
with traders in the market, I should ask for a “duck fowl” as opposed
to a simple “duck”. Rationale for the need of using both words being,
it is commonsensical that there are many types of fowl of which duck is
only one. Also, the words were not to be pronounced as two words but as
one. With the same intonation as if one were calling out “police!”
“duckfowl!” Simply asking for a duck and with the wrong intonation
would immediately set the trader’s mind to wondering which planet I had
recently dropped from.

My favourite has to
be the confusion (or clarity) of the description of sensory perception.
Let us say there is an aroma of food mouthwateringly wafting in one’s
direction, does the Nigerian smell it or hear it? Every true and
sincere Nigerian must admit that it is both. “You no hear dat smell?”
is as legitimate as “Do you smell that?” depending on the context.
Using the wrong words out of context would either be termed
inappropriate or pretentious.

Last year, a blogger called Steve Carper quoted from my piece “Never say pap” in his blog Planet Lactose.

The quote read:
“…I gained a new food obsession; homemade Guinea corn gruel also
known as Oka Baba or very commonly and plainly called Ogi, served with
unrestrained lashings of Obudu delight. Ogi is never ever referred to
at our house as “pap”… Obudu Delight by the way, is the name of the
honey produced in deep cloud layers in Obudu cattle ranch.”

He went on to say
that he had no clue what I was talking about. I must admit it made me
stop and think. Here I was writing in English, and to another English
speaker, I might as well have been speaking in Sanskrit. Did it make me
change my ways? Of course not! The people to whom I am speaking
understand me perfectly. Eavesdroppers must, after all, know their
place.

And it would be dishonest to promise what I cannot do. If our food
is what we call it, then I cannot say it is otherwise. Take note all
eavesdroppers: “swallow” is a verb, a bird, and a morsel of gari,
amala, semo or pounded yam: chop is synonymous to the word “eat” as
“slapping” is synonymous to “blowing” and is also the adjective for
describing the pain pleasure sensation from a “criminally cold” drink,
etc. etc.

Go to Source

HERE AND THERE: Adjustment

HERE AND THERE: Adjustment

Years
ago during our first two and a half year stint in South Africa, a
fellow correspondent’s mother had arrived for the USA on her first
visit to the country. At dinner after a Nigerian meal of coconut rice,
moin moin and various trimmings she was asked how she was finding the
country. It was the middle of the South African winter, which is a
Northern hemisphere’s summer and it was almost as icy cold as it is
now. Winters elsewhere are known for their frosty temperatures and
darkness. South African winters can be cold but the sun is ever present
She shifted in her chair and drawing her shawl even closer around her
body she said, “I’m adjusting.”

Adjustment yes, an
important factor in the concept of globalisation. So there is this
constant blare of vuvuzelas at World Cup matches taking place in South
Africa. Some have described it as a white noise, (appropriate don’t you
think?) that ruins their enjoyment of the game. Some players have
offered it as an excuse for not hearing the ref’s whistle (how
convenient). International broadcasting media have complained,
promising to devise ways of deleting the sound for the ‘refined’ ears
of their audiences.

It is the same old
same old. Why must you expect an African based World Cup to sound the
same as one in Europe, Asia or The Americas?

Is it not enough of
an imposition that in a country of pap, (corn meal fufu) fleis (meat)
and biltong, all you can get at a World Cup game in the heart of an
African city is hotdogs or corn dogs washed down with coke and wait for
it, a bottle of Budweiser; not Tusker, Star, Gulder or Sefrica’s own
Castle. Outside Soccer City on opening day there were mamas braing
(barbecuing) meat, boerewors (local giant sausages) serious gut fillers
to be sure. But nothing so appetizing gets through FIFA. What exactly
is the origin of a corn dog? Scatch that. I am not really sure I want
to know.

What I did do
instead was ask around for a random sample of national traits and
practices that have elicited a similar response from visitors as has
the vuvuzela, the sound of which has ricocheted across the world and
promises to be the signal feature of the 2010 World Cup.

ARGENTINA – don’t ask them for directions. It’s almost always wrong.

BRAZIL – meat, meat and meat in every meal.

CHINA the
propensity for Chinese taxi drivers to light up cigarettes in their cab
without checking if it is alright with you the passenger

DUBAI – People generally ignore the tourists

EGYPT – You can haggle everything from hotels to camel rides

ENGLAND- The
reticence of the English. Bland pepperless food! The question, “can I
call you “Yemi”? People thinking its ok not to try and say my name
properly. I try with theirs so they must also with mine.

EVERYWHERE – The inefficiency of air travel and the mechanical mindlessness of airport security checks.

FRANCE – “Je ne parle pas anglais”

ISRAEL – Border security, they are mean SOBs, even holding a U.S passport doesn’t help

ISTANBUL – the intense stare down

JAPAN: the
obsession with the Western world when their own culture is so rich and
beautiful. Try speaking to them in Japanese and they respond in
English. It faded when I realised my Japanese wasn’t that great and I
started to find the humor in their attempts at being non-Japanese. Like
the restaurant named “Derriere” or the chocolate bar named “Asse” to
name a few…

MALAYSIA…the very dirty Malaysian toilets

NIGERIA- Rice, Rice and More Rice at every f*&^king event you go to. Creativity anyone?

Generators.“That
is just how it is here.” People and their serio-comical posturing .The
funk of 40,000 years on people that should know better.

QUEBEC- The hatred
of everything non-French. Don’t bother speaking to them in English;
they will ignore you, even though they speak perfect English.

SENEGAL-Dakar – the
intense fish smell mixed with other odoriferous smells emanating from
Le Marche Soumbedioune on the Rue de Oakam

USA and SOUTHERN USA –Political correctness.Overly conscious about race. “God bless your heart. Where are you from?”

“I met a Nigerian once in the grocery store, do you know him?” The general lack of knowledge about the rest of the world.

Gum-chewing habits-
until I encountered winter. Their propensity for eating at the
slightest opportunity, until I became one of them.

Atlanta and Texas – “How y’all doing? You from Africa?”

SOUTH AFRICA- The accent, and yes vuvuzelas!

Go to Source

Untitled

Untitled

Go to Source