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Politics is in the
air. Everywhere you look, anywhere you turn, you’re more likely to
catch Nigerians talking about the electoral process – voter
registration, INEC, or the political parties and the various aspirants.
The political temperature is so high that is it near boiling point
already; it has even managed to kick our shared passion for football,
the one strong bond we all share, into the background. There’s no doubt
about it: this time around, Nigerians want to vote and, quite
determinedly, they are battle ready to see their votes count in April.

But politics and
politicians have hardly made us happy, not for once in recent times.
Anyone looking for laughter would be better off going to watch any of
the growing army of local comedians perform. To add to our misery, the
newspapers, magazines, radio, and television are choked full of news
about crises of democracy. “People have stopped believing in the
sincerity of politicians,” one character says in ‘Love’s Unlike
Lading’, the play specially written by Femi Osofisan for the third
Garden City Literary Festival (GCLF), held in Port Harcourt in December.

Adapting Shakespeare

Perhaps, politics
was on Femi Osofisan’s mind while he was adapting Shakespeare’s ‘The
Merchant of Venice’ into ‘Love’s Unlike Lading’, performed for the GCLF
by Theatre Arts students of the University of Port Harcourt under the
direction of Emmanuel Emasealu. In Osofisan’s comical take, 16th
century Italy became 21st century Niger Delta, drenched in the now
familiar misery of kidnapping and ransom taking.

And very early in
‘Love’s Unlike Lading’, the audience could easily tell in whose corner
the darts are being thrown. “Blame the politicians,” cries Sheri, vexed
by the never-ending kidnapping orgy in the region. “The boys (read
militant) see them every day in reckless affluence, driving the latest
cars, buying the choicest lands, erecting mansions in fabulous estates,
while [militants] go about the streets looking for jobs that are not
there.” Nothing, Sheri continues, could ever justify that “dastardly
crime, whatever the motive,” and goes on to lay the blame on the right
doorstep, “All of us are guilty for the mess our country has become.”

All of this soul
searching and fault finding is going on in the middle of long drawn
emotional drama. In the original story, Shakespeare tells of a man who
wishes to marry off his only daughter in the most unnatural way; rather
than allow events to take their own course, he stages a grand contest
for interested suitors from across the world. On arrival, the bride
chasers come face to face with three caskets (labeled Gold, Silver and
Bronze) which contain different items. Whoever chooses the one with the
lady’s image and necklace wins the bride.

Bride chasers

And it is along
this particular storyline that Osofisan delivers his funny but thought
provoking lines. First in the door is Tamuno, a valiant Ijaw prince who
brags on and on about his physical and manly attributes. Tosan would be
better off marrying a man of his pedigree, he argues, and not a
weakling or a moron. He fails the test. Next comes an extroverted
Yoruba man of affluence; he dazzles and impresses the pretty lady with
the allure of his singing voice. In the end, he picks the wrong casket
and goes away cursing and kicking furiously. The prize goes to the most
unlikely of persons – Bashiru, a man of little weight in society but
who nonetheless is quite brilliant.

In another
household, two lovers who have found and fallen in love with each other
would not be allowed to tie the knot, just because both their wealthy
fathers are sworn enemies. “With Love’s Unlike Lading, Osofisan
cautions against the adoption of atavistic cultural practices that
repudiate the rights of women, while also condemning vengeance and
disunity,” the festival brochure states.

“In a parallel
vein, Osofisan calls for the enthronement of purposeful leadership and
the pursuit of patriotic and noble acts in the overall interest of
uniting people.” Tosan speaks for millions of Nigerians when she says:
“Sometimes I am so scared of what this country has become and what it
will be tomorrow.” In under two hours, Osofisan manages to squeeze into
the adaptation much of what is amiss in contemporary Nigeria.

‘Love’s Unlike Lading’ is a play of big egos and misplaced pride;
of a rascally society and self centred business people and policy
makers; of high expectations and dashed hopes; of corrupt enrichment
and a tradition in danger of dying. But as any frequent theatre-goer
would already know, this is not the first play to highlight the
persistent problems in our country; but will it be the first to cause
true change? That may very well happen if the political elite will just
listen for once.

The Public Affairs
section of the United States Consulate hosted an arts management
training seminar in Lagos on February 7. Two international fellows
undergoing training at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in
Washington D.C. were also among the organisers. Michael .M. Kaiser,
President of the Kennedy Center, was the speaker at the event. The
one-day event was attended by members of the arts community, including
dancers, visual artists, actors, film producers, art collectors and
musicians.

The seminar was
part of Kaiser’s five-country African tour to lead arts management
seminars on behalf of the De Vos Institute of Arts Management at the
Kennedy Centre. Kaiser, who has been president of the centre since
2001, is responsible for expanding the educational and artistic
programme for performing arts in America; and has overseen a major
transformation of various art groups in and outside America. He has
travelled to countries including Argentina, China, Croatia, Czech
Republic, Egypt, France, Israel, Palestine and Mexico to train art
managers.

Kaiser took the
time to navigate the audience through the Lagos seminar, affirming that
it was not a lecture but an interactive session. His first point of
call in the discussion was finding out the problems faced by art
practitioners, but not before sharing his own thoughts on the issue and
the philosophy that guides his job. “This is my first trip to Nigeria,
it is indeed a beautiful country. My life’s purpose is to work with
artists so that they can do their best work,” he stated. He blamed
artists for some of their challenges, observing that people in the arts
do not know how to manage success. He suggested that the inability to
manage success is a result of art’s intangibility, a theory, TV and
stage icon Taiwo Ajai-Lycett concurred with.

Kaiser continued,“I
don’t think we are taken seriously. When I tell people I run the art
centre, the first question they ask me is, ‘What is your real job?’ I
don’t think we have done enough to explain what we do. Most people see
us as a luxury on the side. We are living in an economy that thrives on
creativity, so we have a great role to play in society.” He also cited
religion and culture as some of the factors working against the arts.
“Even big countries are cutting art support. Britain cut theirs by 30
percent,” he noted.

Managing creativity

He advised the
audience to help the artist feel good, because it brings out the best
in the person. “I believe that one of the major problems in the arts is
that art managers tend to say ‘No’ too much. The artist is like a
naughty child and the manager is like the angry parent that always says
no. Director of Communication For Change, Sandra Obiago, added to the
list of things that don’t work for the arts community, touching on the
tension between art managers and business.

Kaiser drew a chart
of how art organisations should be run and took time to explain his
theories. “It starts with making good art. I am a strong believer in a
transformational project, something big and exciting that people cannot
forget. This is crucial to an art organisation, but it is not enough.
You have to do a good job of marketing it,” he said.

He went on to
discuss two major marketing strategies. The first, programmatic
marketing, is used to get people to come for the event, like selling
tickets and sending out fliers. The second, institutional marketing,
deals with marketing the organisation to the public; a strategy that
came highly recommended by the Kaiser. “We don’t have a lot of
institutional marketing, and that is the problem. Few art organisations
around the world do a good job of this. When you do good art and good
marketing, you build a strong family including the ticket buyers,
volunteers, donors and members of the board,” he said, scribbling on
the board.

Artistic planning

“How many of you
plan at least six months in advance?” he asked at the beginning of the
second session, eliciting many raised hands. The number of hands kept
reducing as he called out longer periods, by the time he reached three
years, only one hand was still up. He advised his listeners to plan at
least three years ahead, in order to have a strong project that comes
out well. He gave examples with the work he did, organising an Arab
Festival in the centre. “It took me five years to plan and make the
money I needed for the festival. It was expensive,” he said. “It took
me time to teach my audience what they would see. It took me time to
build relationships with people.” He also advised that it is better to
have a list of projects for the donor to choose from. “If you plan
based on budget, you will never plan for more. Have a big dream, and
plan for more. Have a big dream and plan for many years,” he declared.

Kaiser talked in
detail about two art companies he has helped turn around: the Alvin
Ailey American Dance Theatre and The Market Theatre in South Africa. He
took Alvin Ailey from the famous Donahue Show to a spotlight at the
Clinton Inauguration. The street where the theatre was located was
renamed after Alvin Ailey; and by the end of the year, the group had
doubled its income.

Fundraising

Before rounding off
his seminar Kaiser gave a list to help the audience raise funds. “No
one owes you a donation. The key to good fund raising is listening,” he
declared. He canvassed that organisations should always tell donors
about the good things happening for them. “Fundraising is not begging,
it’s a two way street. You have to be clear about what you are giving
them. One happy donor begets another.” His parting shot was, “I hope to
do more work in Africa. I hope to be come back. I really hope to see
you all again.”

NEXT reporter, Allwell Okpi, has emerged winner in the grand finale of the 2011 Lagos Photo Amateur Photography Competition, which held on February 17 at the Civic Centre, Lagos.

Two others, Sodiya Olushina and Tosin Oshinowo came second and third respectively behind Okpi, a Metro desk journalist whose beat is the city of Lagos. The competition, themed ‘Lagos Under the Prism’ is the first of its kind and is for amateur photographers. It was spearheaded and sponsored by the African Artists’ Foundation (AAF) and the telecommunications company, Etisalat.

Okpi emerged the winner out of 25 finalists who were shortlisted by a jury panel on criteria such as: creativity, composition, relevance to theme, technical quality and overall impression. All three got gift prizes from Etisalat, with Okpi taking home the top prize of a Blackberry phone and a professional Nikon Camera.

The final exhibition at the Civic Centre not only featured entries by the finalists, but also pictures taken by pupils of the primary section of Grange School, Lagos. The school children also got gifts for participation.

The competition was part of the 2010 International Lagos Photo Festival; the first major photography festival in Nigeria, organised by the AAF. During the festival, tagged ‘Lagos Photo’, exhibitions of works by local and international artists were held at various venues in the city of Lagos. The Amateur Photography Competition was organised to encourage up and coming amateur photographers and to involve them in the festival.

Speaking during a brief speech at the award ceremony, Zainab Ashadu, Assistant Director of the AAF, said, “The Lagos Photo Project is to nurture and support the development of the artist.” She also expressed gratitude to Etisalat for partnering with and supporting not just the exhibition but also the AAF. The Chief Information Officer (CIO) of Etisalat, John Murray, represented the CEO of Etisalat Nigeria, Steven Evans, at the event.”At Etisalat we are familiar with creativity,” Murray said in his address. He also shed light on the company’s partnership with the AAF and congratulated the winners.

Good for Lagos

Tunji Adebiyi, representing Lagos State governor, Babatunde Fashola, at the event, said that Photography is record keeping. “This will help us to keep records. “Lagos State is interested in programmes like this. We will support any other ‘Lagos Photo’ in the future”, he added. Adebiyi expressed delight at the fact that school children were allowed to take part in the competition, saying, “These are the leaders of tomorrow and I am glad we are catching them young.” Certificates were presented to each of the 25 finalists before the winners were announced.

The Amateur Photography Competition was launched in October last year and was open to amateur photographers, youths and even school children. By the time the call for entries closed on January 30, 110 entries had been received. The jury panel however reviewed the images and short listed 50 entries which were finally whittled down to 25 finalists. The framed photographs were displayed alongside short notes providing additional information. Varying subjects were expressed through the photos but the main focus was Lagos.

Okpi’s award-winning photograph is titled ‘Approaching Lagos Island’ and “shows the perspective of the city from the eyes of the fishermen and merchant women who trawl the lagoon for daily bread.” Oshinowo’s ‘Great Expectations’, a photo in black and white, is ‘a story that focuses predominantly on unique spaces in the city that are not celebrated’; while Shodiya’s work also reflects an aspect of the Lagos scenery.

Surprised winner

The winner, Okpi, was surprised and overwhelmed by his win. Speaking to fellow journalists after he had received his prize, Okpi said, “I wasn’t expecting to win. I stumbled on the advert on the internet. I had just returned from a tour where I had taken some snapshots.” He revealed that while on tour, he had visited Makoko, the deprived Lagos community built on water, where people live in matchbox-like wooden shacks on the Lagoon. “I was amazed that they had a life on water. I just had to take shots,” Okpi said.

“I went through all the photos and this one told the story of what poor Lagosians go through; those in the rural areas who are not a part of Fashola’s Mega City plan.” He added that, “Photography is like a hobby for me.” However with his recent win, will he still continue to treat photography as just a pastime? He replied, “I think I am going to step up on it. Now that I have won, I will take it more seriously.”

Nothing prepares
you for what you eventually find when you engage singer, rapper, and
songwriter, Nneka. Neither the unruly afro nor the petite frame
prepares you for the profound personality buried underneath. However,
one look in her eyes tells you there is more to the singer, and then a
tour through her music will add the final stamp of conviction.

Born Nneka Egbuna
in 1981 to a Nigerian father and a German mother, in Warri, Delta
State, she has grown to be very vocal about her concern for the plight
of the Niger Delta.

The 2009 MOBO Award
winner first hit stardom as an artist in Europe before the Nigerian
music scene began to acknowledge her. However, with or without the
recognition of her homeland, the artist has taken her star quality even
further to the United States where she toured for the most part of 2010
with the likes of Nas, who did a rap in a version of her ‘Heartbeat’
song, and Damian Marley.

“Before the album
‘Concrete Jungle’ was released, I did a mix tape which featured artists
like Lauryn Hill, The Roots, and Nas, among others,” Nneka revealed,
seated in a cozy bar at Bogobiri House.

The ‘Concrete
Jungle’ tour was quite an experience for the artist as she had the
opportunity of performing with artists such as Erykah Badu, Jill Scott,
and Beyonce, among others. However, being on the road all year long was
no mean feat.

“I thank God for my
band. Most of them are older and married. They are disciplined too. We
go to bed early and we eat well because some of them are vegetarians,”
Nneka said of her band members.

In 2010, during her
US tour, Nneka also performed on David Letterman’s ‘The Late Show’,
going some way to create a fan base for herself in the US. She was also
nominated for Best Female Artist at last year’s MTV MAMA awards which
held in Lagos, and award eventually clinched by rapper, Sasha. But
Nneka remains undaunted.

Life elsewhere

She once stated in
an interview that, “I gained an awareness of Africa in Germany. I think
if I hadn’t stepped out of Africa, if I hadn’t lived in Germany, I
wouldn’t have had that mindset today.”

Asked what she
meant, the artist explained that, “Before I moved out of Nigeria, I was
aware alright. I grew up in the Niger Delta. When I went out of
Nigeria, I had the opportunity to know myself. I wouldn’t say my
parents were poor but we had to hustle. My mind was occupied with
getting by.”

“Stepping out gave
me the opportunity to get to know myself and music. I developed the
urge to express myself so that I’ll not be misunderstood because up
till then, I was always misunderstood,” she added.

Furthermore, “it
helped to develop my identity and personality, got me interested in
music, and made me understand that my music had to have a message.”

Leaving Nigeria for
Germany in 2000 became imperative for the artist and marked the
beginning of another phase in her life. “I started studying while also
working part time jobs,” she disclosed. In Germany, she met Nigerians
like herself also working hard to make a living.

According to her,
some of them just wanted to forget about Nigeria. Listening to their
plight and some of her own experiences helped to create various themes
for her creative repertoire. One of those experiences was racism.

Back in Nigeria,
Nneka never saw herself as anything but black. “I never felt different
till I stepped out and experienced racism,” she said.

The height of it
was at Hamburg University where she was studying Archeology and
Anthropology. At the time, she was the only Nigerian in her department.

One of her
professors refused to give her marks for her dissertation. He made
clear his disdain for her colour and her attempt to gain a degree in
that particular field. “You people are good at sports and music. That’s
enough,” she quoted him. She eventually graduated but, “I always had to
prove myself.”

Her music

On what music means to her, the artist says music is a reflection of everything happening within her.

“I don’t look for
topics like: ‘Oh, I have to sing about corruption today’. It comes
naturally. It’s almost like a confession; almost like therapy for me.”

On when she first realised she had ‘it’, Nneka laughs and states modestly that “I still don’t have it.”

“I always knew that
I could sing, but I never knew that I wanted to sing. I never thought
I’ll be doing what I am doing now. All I wanted was to get out and be
free, and learn. I wanted a degree,” she confessed.

Going back to her
childhood, Nneka noted that, “as a child, I always played house. And I
realise that I was always the mother; the figure of authority. I had a
shrine and I had my imaginary friends, but I was in charge. Even today,
I like to be in control. I like to know I can survive by myself and
that reflects in my music,” she disclosed. “But I am not always that
strong,” she reflected.

On her website, her
music is described as having a ‘big splash of Bob Marley, a measure of
Nina Simone, and a lick of Erykah Badu’. Nneka also acknowledges
influence from Fela, Victor Uwaifo, Sunny Okosuns, Sunny Ade, and Shina
Peters.

Film debut

Her recent foray
into the world of make believe is certainly something to talk about.
Sometime ago, she wrapped up shooting for Andy Amadi Okoroafor’s new
movie ‘Relentless’. The movie, which was screened at the Africa
International Film Festival (AFRIFF), held in Port Harcourt last
December, features her alongside ‘Tinsel’ actor, Gideon Okeke.

Nneka plays Honey,
a prostitute with ties to ruthless politicians. According to her, “The
movie shows Lagos from a raw side but with class,” she says. The singer
also performs with musician, Ade Bantu, on a song from the movie’s
soundtrack, ‘Waiting’.

Next steps

Nneka is recording her next album for Europe and the United States and hopes to release it in Nigeria later.

“You have to be creative to run the Nigerian market and keep yourself in the minds of your audience,” she declares.

On why she does not
have a Nigerian record label, she goes on to recount her experience
when she first wanted to break into the local industry. According to
her, it was always one story or the other with some of the labels.
“Some of them wanted to redefine my image,” she says.

Nneka is not all
about music, as she is involved in Rope Foundation, a non-governmental
organisation she co-founded with Sierra Leonean-Liberian artist, Hameed
Nyei, who used to work with ex-child soldiers.

She is also the
NGO’s project manager for Nigeria. “We do workshops with kids that are
less privileged. We use music as a platform for them to express
themselves,” she says.

With the steady progress she is making, already a popular name in
Europe and Africa, and making inroads into the American music scene
with her unique and refreshing brand of music, it is clear that Nneka
is not resting on her oars.

A married female Facebook friend asked me the other day, “What do you men really want besides sex?” I told her the truth: Besides sex, men really want a lot of sex, a lot! My friend thinks allowing her husband sex is the most disgusting thing ever. The poor man sits on their couch for days on end with his big belle, farting, belching, scratching his butt and demanding peppersoup and Heineken so he can enjoy the Nigerian football teams, Manchester United and Arsenal, wallop each other. At half time, he wants sex. He likes having sex while wearing his favourite Arsenal T-shirt. The shirt was last washed (by my friend) three years ago. If he would only take it off, she would wash it again. They live in Nigeria. Oh man, that is the life: Sex, Heineken, peppersoup and football on demand. And no showers! The men of Nigeria have it made. Try that nonsense here in America and the divorce court woman judge will ask for your sorry behind as in: “Olosi, iso abi tire? Idiot, would you like a nail driven through your olodo head or a necklace of fire and petrol around your lazy ass neck?”

Women are always asking important questions on Facebook. If you are on Facebook, please sign on to Let’s Talk About It, a page run by an eclectic Nigerian lady named PJ. This page is extremely popular; all our Nigerian women are over there talking about all sorts of sexy stuff that they would like done to them by the clueless men in their lives. They talk about men and sex nonstop. I did not know that there were other sex positions other than the missionary position until I got to this page, Lord have mercy. Nigerian women, to hear them say it, are utterly disappointed in their men’s sex habits. They want a lot of ceremonies ahead of the real thing. Do you know Nigerian women would like something called “foreplay”? They would really appreciate romantic words like “I love you” before doing the real thing. I did not find a single Nigerian woman on that page who was interested in just going straight to business. According to our wives, partners and lovers, we should be showering them with strange things like flowers, candy, perfume, lingerie, romantic cards and bad poetry, all for the privilege of having sex. This is one of the sins of globalisation. Facebook is spoiling our spouses and partners for us.

Okay, just to summarize this important column: Many Nigerian men think Facebook is a FESTAC peppersoup joint. On the other hand, it seems that all our women are on Facebook enjoying imaginary sex and talking about the clueless men in their lives. Their favourite topic seems to be sex or the lack of it. Let me emphasise that they are unsatisfied with the sexual services provided by their men. So they go on Facebook to talk about men. They are totally unreasonable. They want something called love making, they want men to be tender, understanding, and they want men to talk to them. Nigerian men, whatever you do, please do not describe the heavenly act of lovemaking as “nacking” or “chopping.” You will be relegated to the virtual doghouse. Our women now insist on foreplay, which apparently involves a lot of talking and whispering obvious njakiri like: “I love you, my lovely, wonderful princess, blah, blah, blah.” Of course we love our wives, otherwise we would have married our mortal enemies. These modern women critique men’s moves in bed and the feedback one gets is that they are very unhappy with our bedside manners or the lack of said manners. There is an Egyptian revolution in the making in the hearts of our Nigerian women. It is the fault of Facebook. Again, if you are a Nigerian man and your lover is on Facebook (trust me she is), please do not ever say to her when you are in a romantic mood, “abeg I wan nack!” She will wallop you on the head with a sex toy. If you don’t know what a sex toy is, your marriage is in divorce court. The questions women ask on the page are very illuminating. Here is a sample posting: “My husband refuses to lick my toes! The idiot wants peppersoup instead! He says, ‘Abeg stop wasting my time jare, I wan nack!’ Idiot! Bush man!”

According to Let’s Talk About It, the average Nigerian woman seems to require five rounds of sex daily, each round lasting an hour, with the man whispering sweet nonsense to her and showering her with roses and feeding her Godiva chocolate, wine and ofensala while vacuuming the house, and doing the dishes. Some of these loving activities better take place in a late model 2-door Mercedes Benz with the roof turned down. What do I think of all of this? I shall be right back; I am going to buy my wife flowers. Happy Valentine’s Day in arrears, honey! Who wan die?

It was refreshing
that on a day saturated by the stifling hype and
super-commercialisation of Valentine’s Day with its attendant
manifestations of love, attention was temporarily shifted and focused,
thanks to a play. ‘A Few Good Men’, on the serious implications of
marriage and the search for bonding love and lasting partnerships, was
staged on February 14 at the Church Unusual in Benin City.

The unexpected
late-evening rain didn’t dampen the enthusiasm of the audience for
Ejiro Onobrakpor’s sixth. The fair-sized audience was treated to a
well-crafted play. It employed novel multi-media techniques; in the
mixture of video projections, live music, songs and spoken words, to
put the message across as well as give the dramatic presentation more
texture and variety.

Onobrakpor is
himself multi-talented. A trained theatre arts practitioner, he also
attended the FAE Academy (International Film School) in Dubai in 2008.
What may be surprising is how Onobrakpor, who has been married to his
young medical doctor-wife for less than a year, was able to fashion
such an observant play that explores the intimate worlds of love and
marriage.

The motivation

He researched for
details, facts and figures for six months and; after the play had been
written, he rehearsed his cast for a month before their Valentine’s Day
performance. “I came across very amazing statistics that 50 percent of
every first marriage end in divorce; [the ratio is] 64 percent of every
second marriage and 75 percent of every third marriage. This proves
that experience is not the best teacher in marriage. It tells you that
it’s just like there are a few good men around or just a few good women
too.” He then adds the chilling reality of marriage and divorce in
Nigeria. “Nigeria has one of the highest rates of divorce in Africa. In
Zamfara State where I did my Youth Service, I noticed that although the
men are allowed to marry four wives, when they see a woman they like,
they knock off one of their wives to marry the new woman. And there are
no divorce certificates in Nigeria. I have a female relative who has
three children from three different men and she has no divorce
certificate from any of these marriages!” In a short address to the
audience before the start of the play, he lamented that there are no
good love songs around anymore. “Our parents use to write love letters
as expressions of love,” he observed. He told the audience that the
cast and crew of the play were “the most amazing,” he had worked with,
adding that, “stage drama is ten times more difficult than acting in
films.” He then promised the audience “a really amazing night that will
rekindle relationships.” He was right! To set the stage, popular
crooner Philip Ransome Bello sang a moving song, ‘Love Will Never Die’,
telling people to express love and, admitting that the most difficult
thing to say is ‘‘I Love You’’.

On the stage

It was an elaborate
set that featured many locations that were brought alive when needed by
lights. A screen at the side of the stage was used to beam video clips
that linked to the scenes performed on stage. At appropriate
opportunities the actors burst into songs, and they were accompanied by
a competent pianist whose touch could have been softer and his dynamics
more subtle on some occasions.

‘A Few Good Men’ –
a ten-cast play of characters in their late twenties and early
thirties, young and upwardly-mobile professionals – is creatively
well-worked-out with scenes in which the actors and actresses explore
various depths of relationships including love-triangles. In their
committed search, we are given real-life insights into social attitudes
and mindsets which have shaped their definition and understanding of
love.

The sexpot
songstress, Tina Turner had cynically asked in her megahit song,
‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?” As sketches of the ploys and plans of
the characters in ‘A Few Good Men’ to win love unfold, the audience is
given a big treat and feast of poignant one-liners which reveal the raw
slices of love and life, warts and all.

Matters of the
heart Fred, a 30-year-old banker, is preparing a romantic dinner;
candle lights and all, for his long-time girlfriend, Ivie a recent
graduate. Simultaneously, Philip, (31), an aspiring engineer, is
seething with anger that Ada, an engineer with a major oil company, is
three hours late for a special dinner date they had planned a month
ago. A row breaks out and Philip terminates the relationship. “This is
over,” he proclaims. Ivie, on the other hand has decided to break up
with Fred for really strange reasons laced with ‘feminine logic!’ “I
don’t want you to misunderstand what am about to say. Fred, you’re the
most amazing guy I’ve met, the nicest, in fact. I love you, but I’m not
in love with you!” Then she dropped the bombshell: “You call me too
much… A girl needs her space… You’re too nice, you annoy me. I’m sorry…
but this is not working for me!” Relationships over, Ada reasons that,
“Guys are not worth the trouble,” while Fred figures out that “Girls
are not worth the stress!” Of course all four move on into new
relationships. Fred is the butt of jokes from his male friends. Wale, a
scallywag and woman-abuser, teases Fred about Ivie, “Wait, you chop am
shah?” he asks cynically. Fred, described as “a no vows, no sex” person
by another friend, Obi, lives up to his billing with his informed
answer, “Sex is not a catalyst for a successful relationship!” In the
twists and turns of the play, Ivie ends up marrying Philip who had
earlier dumped Ada. Philip turns out to be a vicious wife-beater and
ironically it is Fred who rescues Ivie and takes her in her battered
state to find temporary refuge in Ada’s place. “You both seemed so
happy and content earlier,” Ada tells Ivie. “It was all PDA…Public
Display of Affection,” Ivie tells her. A group discussion examines
domestic violence and the need to lock up terrors like Philip, but the
option of Ivie leaving Philip is ruled out.

Eventually, Ada finds love and marries. Her verdict is profound.
“Love is not about looks or status. Love is about what you can give!”
“God is the teacher in all marriages,” Ejiro Onobrakpor concludes.