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Whooha! Here comes
Egberi Papa 1 of Nigeria- who goes there! Who say you are afraid to
come out and dish explosive blows to your opponents or answer questions
asked by mere mortals? Do they know who you are; do they know the kind
of clay God Himself moulded you from? You are not timber or calibre in
Nigerian politics; you are the solid rock that breaks backs with rock
solid silence. Those who dare to stare directly in your eyes melt away
like ice cream in the sun. Those who stand in your path to the inner
chambers disappear – poof, like a grain of salt dropped in Yenagoa
waters, like government money in politicians’ hands.

Whooha! Who said he
won’t participate in this debate? Since when did the elephant fear
stepping on twigs? A fisher man is never afraid to drink gari with
bonga fish and the tall iroko does not frighten the blue-testicle
monkey. Give it up for our great debater! (Thunderous applause)

Who goes there –
get out of the way, our great debater has surfaced like an ancient
masquerade; let women tighten their wrappers and men adjust their
trousers. The one with a billion and one umbrellas covering his head
has arrived. Our great ruler whose name women yearn to name their
children after has arrived. Whooha! Look at that beautiful round hat
and the basket full of promises, running over like the Psalmist’s cup.
You can’t hoodwink him with your big English; he is not easily swayed.
Let’s clap louder, please, it takes a meek leader to tell his people,
“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, panel of judges, accurate time
keeper, presenter and my co-debaters. I am here to convince you not
confuse you that I am …” Who can frighten him to do what he is wont to
do – does what a man carry in his pocket frighten him?

I say bring them
on, Egberi Papa is ready for them all. Ask your questions and he will
dismember them, for all that think he is afraid to face the policeman
and even the General in a public debate. Do you think the great debater
picked his PhD from Efurun Junction on his way to Abuja? Do you think
the A-talk-and-do of Nigeria politics is a moi-moi man who will catch
cold because of ordinary debate? I say, who goes there! Egberi Papa,
show them you are the man – show them that nothing can stop you from
talking about what you are not going to do if elected.

Whooha! I say clear
the path for the mighty one who has found the time to climb down from
the mountain top to come banter with ordinary citizens.
Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha! He is finally here now. All the people who thought
he was too proud or afraid to face the cameras and dish it out to the
people, he is here now. Bring your questions in buckets and drums.
Bring them in billions like INEC budget. I say bring them, the
questions that are hot like explosives. He is ready for them all; today
he will show you that he is capable of your predicted incapability.

Where are those
broom and pen carrying debaters? The umbrella man has arrived in the
arena. Come out and let’s duel! Our champion debater has one question
for you all: since when did pens and brooms have more national billions
than the umbrella? I repeat my question: who uses bare hands to bail
water from a sinking boat? Answer me this simple question: when you go
to a chief’s palace, do you see men covering his head with broom and
pen or with umbrella? Knockout! Whooha and we have not even started yet.

Rope-a-dope of
Nigeria politics! Fly like a bee and sting like a butterfly. Crank up
that music, boys, it is not every day His Excellency whose patience can
set the country reeling, has time to come and be debating about crucial
national issue and revealing his dreams to us. Today, he will show you
that he is the only one that can convert years of mini-watts to minutes
of mega-watts!

I say where is the
microphone? The promises he has for us are so hot we can no longer
wait… this mic will soon catch fire! Step back, I say step back – don’t
say we did not warn you. Don’t say we did not tell you that when he
finally decides to talk to you people, TV will blow-out like knockout.
What? Are you people ready at all? I say the one you have been waiting
for is here and ready to debate and you are telling me to hold on one
second while you fill the generator with diesel? Your Excellency,
kindly mount the rostrum, please. And does anyone have a flash light
there please? You cannot leave us in this darkness like this. Somebody
do something.

If one week is a long time in politics, eight years is certainly
an eternity. Eight years ago, Ibrahim Shekarau, the current governor of Kano
State, was a classroom teacher, having been demoted from the rank of Permanent
Secretary. Politically, he was unknown. He had no money, no contacts and no
prospects. But by a lucky turn of fate, events conspired to make him governor
of Nigeria’s most populous state.

The sympathy that followed the former principal’s demotion by
then governor, Rabiu Musa Kwanwkaso, propelled Governor Shekarau to the
limelight, but the support of Muhammadu Buhari, then candidate of the All
Nigeria Peoples Party, guaranteed Mr. Shekarau’s victory at the governorship
elections, by a substantial margin of votes. It was the most spectacular, and
maybe only, defeat of an incumbent PDP governor without litigation.

In the perverse way we have of measuring performance in office,
those who are benefitting directly or indirectly from Mr Shekarau will swear to
high heavens that he is one of the best governors ever, in the history of Kano.
Those who lost out in the power game or are not getting financial handouts from
the governor will tell you he has become embroiled in deceit and double-speak.
To them, the humble mallam now has a haughty manner.

Beyond dispensing government largesse as a philosophy of
government unique to Nigeria, what are the impact of policies and programmes on
the society? What will Mr Shekarau be remembered for? In the history of Kano,
late governors Audu Bako and Abubakar Rimi stand out prominently for the
lasting and unforgettable impact they had on the state. But when a leader
leaves no imprints – neither in terms of philosophy nor material legacies, he
might as well not have existed.

Naturally, Mr Shekarau’s cronies will produce long lists of
things the governor has achieved in office. Mr. Shekarau himself likes to
repeat at every opportunity that he has brought peace to Kano and can do the
same for Nigeria. Let us commend him for that. Governance in Nigeria is so
mundane and unimaginative that a governor who is able to maintain relative
peace in his state suddenly thinks he should be president. It provided comic
relief, watching an overdressed Shekarau trying very hard on BBC Hardtalk to
justify why he thinks he qualifies to be president. Though a little more
convincing than Goodluck Jonathan’s forgettable experience with Christine
Amampour on CNN, overall, the interview came across as a charade.

Today, Mr. Shekarau is running for president. Try not to laugh,
but does he really believe it himself? Is he expecting the kind of miracle that
projected him from an unknown, underfunded candidate to governor eight years
ago? Is he expecting that by a similar kind of miracle, he will become
President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria come May 29, 2011? Then he has to
be prepared to lose his faith in the power of miracles. In the Kano of 2003, it
was a straight fight between himself and Mr. Kwankwaso. General Buhari’s
popularity ensured his victory. Today, the level of political sophistication
and voter awareness has changed. Having ridden on Buhari’s back to the
governorship, he now feels sufficiently grown up to challenge the General. Many
people believe he is acting out a PDP script to dilute Buhari’s numbers.

Of all presidential candidates, President Jonathan is first in
terms of media visibility, structure and elite support. In terms of raw appeal
among the masses and the under-privileged, Buhari is by far the most popular
candidate. In appealing to an indeterminate middle class, Ribadu is in charge.
To throw in a mix of clowns and charlatans, Dele Momodu and Chris Okotie hold
sway. And when talking about candidates with ideas, but without a realistic
platform, Pat Utomi is king. In this regard, what is Shekarau’s primary
constituency? Whose vote does he want to attract? And what is the electoral
value of selecting John Oyegun as his running mate?

One of the dangers of political office and power is that people
lose touch with reality. Another danger is that people are often afraid of
speaking truth to power, especially the unpalatable variety. Mr Shekarau has a
retinue of very intelligent advisers and aides. Obviously, none of them has had
the courage to tell him the real truth, bitter as it may be. The miracle of
2003 will not happen again. The leading candidates – Jonathan, Buhari and
Ribadu will not crumble as Kwankwaso did.

Is it worth spending so much time, energy and resources just to earn the
title ‘former presidential candidate’?

All my life, I’ve always known the right people. My parents got
married on the backdrop of belonging to the right social class; it seemed the
sensible thing to do as a union of that nature would lead to mergers that would
be talked about for years to come. When I came about, even I was talked about
as well – the press dubbed me all kinds of names like ‘‘Prince to the Empire”
and “Heir Apparent”. And, for as long as I can remember, I’ve only always hung
out with the right crowd. Take the current Attorney General for example; we
were in the same crèche.

Till date, my mates back in school often wonder how I made it
through. I was never in class that much; I usually found the lectures a little
boring. My holidays were at least a month longer, as special offers in Paris
and London were not easy to come by and I did not want to waste an opportunity.
I often told a few of my friends that making good grades was not a function of
what you knew but who you knew. A lot of them never quite understood, but some
did. Small wonder “we” came out with good grades.

A trip back to my school for an alumni fundraiser revealed that
the best graduating student in my class was now a lecturer in the same school.
I met a few more who had promising prospects while we were in school, but who
had come in hope that they would find a friend from back in the day that would
be willing to help them at least get a job.

To all who wondered as to how I had become the MD of a blue chip
organisation in such a short time, I simply reminded them, “It’s not what but
who you know”. After the alumni meeting, I made a mental note not to attend
such meetings. The phone calls and e-mails I got afterwards reminding me of my
promise to “help” made me change my contact details. By the way, those worth
staying in touch with knew where to find me. Business life has its own
attendant problems as well. In the club, over drinks and cigars, my competitors
wonder how I’ve been raking in a lot of juicy contracts in the industry.

I hear a lot of rumours
making the rounds, including suggestions that I made night calls to a
synagogue. I take huge swigs of my drink and long drawn puffs on my cigar with
a huge grin on my face. I soak up the pleasure of having them revere me as
being more successful than they are – my body mass seems to increase. I sigh
heavily and remark in low tones, “It’s all about who you know!” Many years have
gone by and I am still on top of my game. I know just about everyone that is
worth knowing.

My sisters also have a firm understanding of this all-too
important fact of life. One of them is married to the country’s ambassador to
France. Recently, she apparently screwed up a chat with some senators after she
was nominated for an ambassadorial post. How does an ambassador-to-be not know
her country’s national anthem? Nonetheless, she has received the nod. Why? We
know the right people. My other sister is married to a former governor and very
influential man. She is on her way to the Senate.

Many have questioned her
suitability. But, who cares about such little details when you know the right
people. At any rate, those complaining are just doing so because they are not
the ones being considered.

I have heard a lot of so-called crusaders question this way of
life. They rant about what effects this will have on our society. They ponder
the future of our children and generations unborn. They are at a loss as to why
we do not appreciate people with abilities, who can actually carry out the job
at hand. My answer is simple. Why worry about generations still unborn?

The rate at which the world is going, they may never make it –
take a look at Japan. And, personally, I have no problems with people who are
actually intelligent or skilled; I hire them. As to why they do not get to the
top, that is entirely their fault. They paid too much attention to building
their intellectual capacities and other abilities, and left the most important
of all to suffer; they did not build on the people they know. So, you see, it
really is simple. It’s not what you know, but the people you know that matters.