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Today, most women and men discuss issues of violence in other
people’s relationships without knowing or identifying similar traits within
their own bad relationships, let alone getting out of them. Violence in
whatever form, within or outside the home, has its implications on personal
development, and addressing violence in its earlier stages reduces its
re-occurrence.

However, the fact that not all people can identify violence at
an early stage is a problem. Interactions with women who survived violent
relationships have revealed that when their abuse started, most of them were
silent about it because they did not recognise or see the signs as something to
worry about.

Recognise the signs

As individuals, we need to check this list to be sure we are
safe from abusive relationships. If you are in a relationship where your
partner calls you names; insults you or talks continuously about your
weaknesses; does not trust you and acts envious or possessive all the time;
tries to isolate you from family or friends; monitors where you go, who you
call and whom you associate with; does not want you to work, controls your
finances or refuses to share money; punishes you by withholding affection;
expects you to ask permission; threatens to hurt you, the children, your family
or your pets; or humiliates you in any way, then you are in an abusive
relationship.

It is worse when your partner has ever: damaged property when
angry (thrown objects like bottles, punched walls, broken glasses); pushed,
slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you; abandoned you in a dangerous or
unfamiliar place; scared you by driving recklessly; used a weapon to threaten
or hurt you; forced you to leave your home; and locked you out. Similarly, you
can be sure you are in an abusive relationship if your partner has trapped you
in your home or kept you from leaving; stopped you from making calls to the
police or seeking medical attention; hurt your children; or used physical force
in sexual situations.

Take action

The list above is not exhaustive as there may be several other
signs not mentioned here. But the reality is that in whatever form it comes,
abuse is dangerous and a red alert to immediately seek help or intervention to
break the silence. Talking to someone about it does not mean you are weak. It
only means you are empowered, courageous and can take control of your own life,
which no one else owns but you. You are responsible for all the consequences
thereafter.

Beyond the pain that comes with abuse – psychologically, physically,
socially, and economically – it has its untold strain on the human resources
much needed for one’s development, because only a sound mind can make
meaningful contributions to any process.

As citizens of the world, as declared in the 1948 Universal Declaration of
Human Rights, protection and freedom from pain is a universal right and should
not be denied anyone under any circumstance. Therefore, now is the time to say
no to all forms of abusive relationships within the home, in offices, and any
other space – public, local and international.