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One thanks ‘Bisi
Fayemi, the wife of the Ekiti State governor, for putting things in
perspective; legislating on matters like indecent dressing is truly
nothing but a distraction. With so many other national challenges, it
boggles the mind that anyone would consider making laws to regulate
mode of dress. What shall be the rules? It’s easy to ban the obvious
favourites of the Indecent-Brigade: spaghetti, show-me-your-tummy and
sagged pants. But how will the rules be enforced with outfits that are
not specifically described in the law? Who determines what constitutes
‘indecency’? Won’t we create another set of bullies with such a
subjective test?

“It is hereby
decreed that all women’s blouses must be at least eight [8] inches from
the tip of the nipple to the neck; with said 8 inches measurable only
when or after breasts are safely ensconced in appropriate housing.”

And on to the glossary: “In the context used, the real and implied meaning of appropriate housing is bra.”

Or this as Section 1:

“ALL women shall,
by this law, have their clothes appraised and approved by ALL relevant
bodies without exception; said appraisal shall not be deemed concluded
until a certificate of clearance is obtained, duly signed by ALL
members of the panel;

Provided that ALL
members of the panel reserve the right to seek, without any dissent,
‘further clarification’ in form of dress rehearsals, either held
publicly and/or privately, solely for the purpose of determining how
the said woman actually looks in the clothing, and more importantly, if
she could be a potential source of grave sin.”

For crying out
loud, what’s next? Indecent eating; indecent farting but only if it
stinks; indecent face if one is ugly; indecent sex if your overtly
enthusiastic bedtime activity disturbs a neighbour; indecent wickedness
for frying and eating chicken weekly when your neighbours can’t afford
it? Some things are just too personal to regulate! How will that law
make life better for anyone, other than to conspire to further the
cause of those who consider women to be a lesser specie? Or do you
doubt that the law will only be enforced and enforceable against women?
Is indecent dressing the cause of a teenager raping a grandmother of 79
years?

Puritans may say
what they want, but beyond conforming to what is considered as the
traditional mode of dress in any country, the only other way you can
decree dress is on religious grounds or within a group. In other words,
either one’s religion or group prescribes a dress code, or one wears
standard traditional clothing in the traditional manner it is worn in a
country. In choosing to wear any country’s traditional-wear, one ought
to respect the rules as set out by her owners. One may try to bring
individuality into the outfit but without killing the essence of it.
For instance, Nigerian men now have their traditional trousers (buba
and sokoto) made with an elasticised waist because the original string
style is cumbersome, especially when a man needs to take a quick leak.

So, what is
indecent? Is it not dangerous to legislate about something with
limitless opportunities? We are ruled by a fear of cleavage and thigh;
but as fashion evolves, should a law predict and can you regulate
future behaviour, or indeed this law when it becomes operative? This
obnoxious focus on dress as the source of all that is evil is
ridiculous! Women will now be blamed for the animalistic behaviour of
an uncontrollable carnally besotted man? The only result is that people
will seek to help enforcers enforce; women will be stripped naked by
mobs that feel justified by a warped law supposedly supporting their
action.

Will policemen be
sympathetic towards women who are beaten? Capital No! In these parts,
an assault on or rape of a female is always her fault; ‘stubbornness’
is considered a valid reason to ‘discipline’ women! And stubbornness is
a quality attributed to ‘over-sabi’ women: the schooled, the
opinionated and wearers of ‘open-eye’ clothes. Disciplining is deemed
fair punishment for being unduly attractive, brilliant or confident;
and rape is a form of discipline because it is the fault of the woman.
As if to say conspiratorially, “You too…why are you so beautiful?
It’s your fault for being so fine; how did you expect me to resist you?”

Finally, what’s that rule of jurisprudence again? Thou shall not
make any law that shall be impossible to obey; otherwise the law shall
be observed only in its breach? This law, if passed, shall act in vain!