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The Arise Magazine Fashion Week has finally
come and gone. By now, the tents have been packed and everyone is back
on the daily grind. By the time you read this, you’ve all probably
ogled every photo; oohed, aahed and yeuched at the clothes in the best
way we Nigerians know how. So the time has come, as the grumpy cynics
say, to talk of many things. Of timing and pricing. Of attitudes and
beverages, of clapping in the middle of shows, falling models and
leaving before the final bow. The time has come to give a final
briefing. Here’s the thing about Arise Magazine Fashion Week. I can
safely say that we all lusted for you ages before you arrived. Long
before a lot of those models were conceived. The idea of a full weekend
of fashion shows, after parties and general air kissing was probably
the idea of many a fashionista’s castle in the air. By Jove, if you
hadn’t come around this weekend, I’d probably have spent the entire
time indoors watching or waiting to watch a vice presidential debate
with a bag of plantain chips. I don’t mean to exaggerate, but your
fashion week, complete with 51 designers under two roofs is the best
thing that happened to the Lagos fashion scene since shoulder pads were
banished. You’d have noticed our excitement judging by how geared up we
all were. It was one of those few rare opportunities we had to wear
those outfits that were simply too “fashion” to be worn anywhere or
anytime else. So understand that my sage advice on how to improve the
next one and avoid the same mistakes is written with no hard feelings.

The first thing to avoid is the belated ticket price announcement.
Look, I’m not against opportunism. Sure, when you had similar events in
New York and South Africa, tickets were free and invitation only –
given in that extremely elitist way to those selected by your team and
the designers. Still, I get it. Nigerians are more gullible and more
easily convinced to part with cash but would it have killed to announce
it earlier? Would it have been overwhelmingly uncomfortable to announce
it just a week or two before the actual event. To perhaps suggest with
the ambiguity fashion planners are famous for that “Hey, who knows,
this just might not be a free event”?

Some of us need a week’s notice, you know?
To starve and buy nothing while saving up to afford tickets. We
Nigerians are not against the opportunism, merely the strategy that was
used. Speaking of strategies, I’m sure you’ll agree that it wasn’t
really the best idea to have Darey be the host for the awards show. His
crooning voice has brought many females and a few males to their knees
in the past and at your show. I even understand that he can be quite
charming as a person. But did we need someone who repeated several
times how much Aliko Dangote was worth as our fashion spokesperson. I
know fashion enthusiasts are supposedly not the brightest or funniest
stars…but do we have to suffer so much for that? And while we’re
still on the subject of fashionista habits, what happened to the food?
Why was it so absent? Most people, quite understandably, think fashion
folk have little interest in food (beyond avoiding it, that is).
Please. This is probably the biggest myth invented. Fashionistas,
especially those in Lagos are the biggest food enthusiasts I know.
They’ll chomp everything you put in front of them. The fact that there
was no access to food, even for sale, anywhere close to the tents did
not go down well. Anywhere else in the world, people might be more
understanding. In Lagos, not so much. Again, no one is even asking you
to cover the costs. Just make it available. But on a positive one, the
models tripping and falling? Genius. Even, dare I say, more genius than
Tinie Tempah’s performance? How did you come up with that one? Finally
being able to see models fall went a long way in amusing Nigerians.

Oddly enough, it also taught us to admire and respect the resilience
and determination of models. Absolutely brilliant to include that. I
couldn’t have come up with a better plan myself. So well done. And well
done on the production team too. I sit here, writing a few words, as
though I could have done better, when the truth is, I most certainly
couldn’t. Oh, one last thing. You’ll notice, I didn’t talk about the
timing and delays. You’ll notice I didn’t once mention that most of the
press expressed exhaustion at the repetitive delays at the press
accreditation. You’ll also notice I didn’t dwell on designers throwing
strops after waiting four hours to show their collection.

Or the
ungrateful guests who waited even longer. I didn’t mention any of these
things because in the grand scheme of things, the opportunity to get a
fashion week, to admire the craftsmanship of struggling artisans, to
network, to air kiss and to brown-nose with fellow fashionistas far
outweighs any concerns about timing. Naturally, we won’t complain if it
was a little bit more organised. But this is Lagos and complaints about
timing would be like throwing stones in glasshouses. So if any
ungrateful person comes up to you and says more than a few whingey
things about how disorganised the timing was, I advise you to simply
roll your eyes, and like the superior being that you are, shrug and
just say “meh”.

But once again, without you, our weekends would have
just been another Friday night out, Saturday wedding-church, brunch, a
movie and Ice Cream Factory on Sunday. So many thanks for coming and
hopefully, see you next decade.