Titles oh!
Say hello to the
new me: Mrs. Princess Barrister Sister Daughter Angela Ajetunmobi, BaC
(Babelicious Chick), GC (Great Cook), WM (wife and mum). Well, one has
finally decided that one shall acquire a ‘’good’’ title (or two) before
one gets any more cheek from the hired help.
Hmmm, Come and see
‘‘dissing’’ from a glorified, albeit uniformed gateman! And why? All
because I filled an official visitors form, and had no pompous title. I
no blame am: I blame political correctness! I blame the conversion of
the modest gateman of old, now transformed to the new ‘security’
detail, complete with uniform and all. And we all enabled this
confusion in their minds.
So even if just to
preserve family pride, acquire some ‘respect’ and be important, one has
narrowed down the options on possible titles. And the opportunities are
endless!
First step is to
determine how many titles one wants to go with; more doesn’t
necessarily translate to better. I am convinced that one only needs
those titles that will conjure awards and endow me with Instant
Immediate Importance (the three I’s)! One must leave no room for ifs or
maybes, ‘sugbon or tabi’, but one can be crass if one so wishes.
Crassness just may bestow that awe many reserve for titled people.
And one doesn’t
want to copy the woman one met the other day, who’s complimentary card
read- ‘’Double-Chief Mrs. Surv’’. Married thrice, one felt the ‘Mrs.’
seemed a little lonely, not even hyphenated and she also had a Master’s
degree. I think, though I couldn’t say so, that it should have been
perhaps ‘’Double-Chief, Triple-Mrs. Surv-in-Mast’’ to reflect her
reality. After all, none of the titles would have been a
walk-in-the-park for her to acquire. But I digress!
I deciphered long
ago how significant the Nigerian title is. Young newly married couples
while still single, would happily and lovingly address each other by
their first names, but once kids come along, it becomes an abomination
to call hubby by name. First-name calling is automatically banned
because parenthood has been achieved. So, good old Kunle suddenly
transmuted to Daddy-Wa or Daddy Junior or Papa ‘Bornboy’. Funke also
became Mummy-Wa or Mama-something. So if no children arrive after a
year or two of marriage, can we call them Mama or Baba Didn’t-Born-yet’?
And one doesn’t
want titles that you have to explain. What then will be the point?
While Angela’s father wanted her to study ‘Classics’ at university, her
mother would have none of that! ‘’No oh, what will they now call me,
the mother of a ‘Classics’ graduate or ‘Mama-Classics? Please, let the
girl read something that will be easy to incorporate into a name’’.
Mother wanted the girl to read a subject that will automatically confer
a more specific title. So, instead of just ‘Mama Graduate’, Angela’s
mum wanted ‘Mama Doctor/Lawyer/Professor’’.
And you are
forgiven if you thought JP meant ‘Justice of the Peace’ because that is
the norm. But did you know that it also means Jerusalem pilgrim? What
about some professionals who never thought they needed to fix a title
to their name, suddenly now attaching Pharm, Surv, and even specifying
what type of engineer they are: Auto Engr, Mech Engr, Civ Engr.
And from the
ridiculous to the mundane: BeauQ for Beauty Queen; ProDanc for
professional dancer; Plumb for plumber; Carp for carpenter; Mech for
mechanic; CSO for chief security officer, as in gateman; HSCSD for head
sub-committee for special duties.
I just cannot keep up people.
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