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Today is Black
Friday in America, the day after Thanksgiving when bargain hunters give
each other black eyes. It is also the day the prices of most things
crash to rock bottom and you see many black people crashing over
themselves in stores to buy items they already have.

In all seriousness,
Black Friday craziness can be hilarious because it is when retailers
come together to pick a consensus product that sets shoppers on frenetic
rampage as if possessed by voodoo.

Waiting for that
quintessential Black Friday item, is always dramatic, like waiting for
Ciroma and his wise men to pick a consensus candidate to represent the
north. Come to think of it, what level of technology or electronic
gadget do you think each of the four candidates represented in Ciromart
during the decision making process that led to the picking of Abubakar
Atiku? Let’s see.

Starting from
Saraki – I think he was represented by Wii, exciting for both young and
old, a virtual exercising mechanism, which doesn’t quite cut it for
those that want to take body building or working -out seriously.

IBB was represented
by Betamax – if you are thinking that Betamax is some species of
dinosaur, you may be right to some extent. But for the purpose of this
discussion, it was a machine, the same size as an I-Better-Pass-My-
Neighbour generator, used in playing videotapes in the olden days. Two
of the famous movies Nigerians watched on Betamax were Idi-Amin Dada of
Uganda and the Gods Must Be Crazy. According to Wikipedia “The format is
generally considered obsolete, though it is still used in specialist
applications by a small minority of people.” You get the drift.

Gusau was
represented by Grand Theft Auto – a video game that only appeals to
those interested in clandestine activities and who are security
conscious. The American government can’t afford to sleep with both eyes
closed each time a new version is released. Here is what Wikipedia has
to say about this product: “The series focuses around many different
protagonists who attempt to rise through the ranks… although their
motives for doing so vary in each game. The antagonists are commonly
characters who have betrayed the protagonist or their organisation.”
Hmmm, go figure.

Atiku had the ipad
to stand for him, the new darling of techies and novices. A cross breed
between an iphone and the sleek MacBook Air, a product that won’t do
anything meaningful for you unless you have entered your credit card
information so it can zap money out of your pocket like the customs
officers at Nigeria’s borders.

The ipad is like a bat; neither this nor that, other than it is the coolest effizy to be seen with these days.

Now you see
Nigerians cradling it like a molue preacher carrying his Bible – and
some of our TV newscasters also carry it the way a girl named Perpetual
used to carry her slate in primary school.

Everybody wants one,
you hate it but you love it. Just like Wal-Mart in America that will
certainly make ipads the chosen product for this year’s Black Friday,
Atiku was represented by the ipad in Ciromart and he got the pick.

Folks, I apologise
for that distraction, such is the nature of Nigeria politics. I just
wanted to talk a little bit about Thanksgiving in America and how
miserable it used to be for me as a new arrival in the 90s. Back then it
was just me, my brother and his young family of three sitting around an
overweight turkey and other foreign looking food.

The first year I
endured the food but the second year I begged Obhiaha, my sister-in-law,
to kindly make Ogbono soup and pounded yam. For Christ sake I am an
Esan man and Thanksgiving wtas similar to the new yam festival in my
village, so it was culturally problematic for me to eat anything else
but pounded yam on a day with such festive trappings.

Another abnormality
that used to drive me bonkers on Thanksgiving Day was that I had to go
to work after loading my stomach with good food. Despite the double pay I
would receive later, I always wept internally on my way to work like a
woman forcefully married off. It was psychologically flagellating for
me to leave the festive warmth of my brother’s house.

If you still don’t
understand why I cried, going to work on Thanksgiving Day was like going
to Ozigono farm to weed elephant grass after eating a New Yam festival
meal in the village.

Happy belated
Thanksgiving to everybody and if you had to work after the feast
yesterday in America, don’t worry, change is gonna come someday. I mean,
did you ever think that a day would come in Nigeria when a customs
officer would be the chosen one over two seasoned army generals?