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Years
ago, or should I be more honest and say decades ago, since at my age
that is the unit in which I now count the passage of time, a group of
friends, consisting of three married couples watched a young and
foolish man insinuate himself into an argument between a husband and
wife. This was a seriously married couple; their union had endured for
more than a piddling decade or two.

In
fact they had been married for longer than this young man had been
alive, but such was the “undue radicalism” of this youth that he took
no note of the calm disinterest of those of us who knew that it was
more profitable to continue our own conversation and leave our two
friends to sort themselves out.

The
young fool ignored our efforts to draw him away and then like an idiot
followed the couple over to the table where they had moved for more
privacy. There was some kind of family crisis brewing, the kind that
outsiders would consider a minor hiccup but insiders know can easily
get to ground zero. Young Galahad thought he could offer comfort and
solace to the lady he imagined to be in distress, and addressed himself
to her, in front of her very longstanding husband, who knowing he was
traversing familiar territory was limiting his answers to
monosyllables. The response Galahad got for his troubles is not one I
can repeat in a family paper.

The
lesson has been repeated throughout history: never embroil yourself in
a quarrel between people in a particular type of relationship; you will
get mangled! But this is the fun part that we can all identify with. No
law has been broken, no crimes committed, no person’s rights denied.

Barely
two months have passed since former Olori Bolanle Adepoju had more than
a few Nigerians railing at her husband the now deposed Deji of Akure,
Oluwadare Adepoju for physically assaulting his wife and behaving most
unroyally, like a person with no sense of propriety and no evidence of
good breeding. The Ondo State government and the royal fathers took the
matter in hand and separated the man from his throne. I mean the
accusations that flew to and fro were most scandalous and deeply
wounding of the kind that you make when you suddenly can’t stand the
feel of the noose you have put around your own neck.

Such
is the nature of marriage sometimes and in the typical Nigerian
setting, the recourse is to approach family and seek to settle the
matter quietly and privately.

But there is no being queen without a king, such is the reality of being deposed.

Politics always rears its ugly head doesn’t it?

The
Adepojus have apparently now made up, the families of each spouse are
now reconciled and there was no confusion about the paternity of the
children. Bolanle Adepoju has appealed to the Ondo government to
rescind the deposition of her husband and asked for him to be forgiven
arguing that the fight was a family issue.

But
it was not just a family issue. Clearly Oluwadare Adepoju forgot to
remember his status when he went publicly a quarrelling with his wife,
entourage in tow and attacked her. It can be argued that he probably
did not think he was doing anything wrong. The fact is that he has
sullied his office, unless of course this is the kind of behaviour to
be expected of Ondo royalty, and while the larger traditional family
can forgive him there is the wider aspect that he has offended against
the state by assaulting another person. The victim’s status as his wife
does not give him the power to trammel her rights as a human being,
even if she decides she is not going to lay charges, as is her
prerogative.

This
issue is beyond let’s all forgive each other and be one big cultural
happy family. It is after all part of the reason why many are offended
at Senator Sanni Yerima’s marriage to an underage girl, and why the
public was outraged at the gang rape and murder of youth corper Grace
Ushang Adie in Maiduguri.

A
neighbour sexually abuses a girl child and the parents find it in their
hearts to forgive and forget because it is ‘easier’ for them.
Kidnappers make off with our loved ones and we prefer to pay quietly.
Turai Yar’Adua has the nation’s sympathy while she is in mourning but
are we going to forgive and forget what she put this country through,
so that some future first lady can build on the precedent she set?
Where do we draw the line on anything?

Why
don’t we just forgive Cecilia Ibru and dissolve the EFCC so that Farida
Waziri can find something else to do? Why bother with a Police Force if
certain people, the ones whose actions will always get media coverage,
can just come and ask for forgiveness for whatever they did and get it;
and sometimes even when they do not ask.