Nigeria Content Online

Years
ago during our first two and a half year stint in South Africa, a
fellow correspondent’s mother had arrived for the USA on her first
visit to the country. At dinner after a Nigerian meal of coconut rice,
moin moin and various trimmings she was asked how she was finding the
country. It was the middle of the South African winter, which is a
Northern hemisphere’s summer and it was almost as icy cold as it is
now. Winters elsewhere are known for their frosty temperatures and
darkness. South African winters can be cold but the sun is ever present
She shifted in her chair and drawing her shawl even closer around her
body she said, “I’m adjusting.”

Adjustment yes, an
important factor in the concept of globalisation. So there is this
constant blare of vuvuzelas at World Cup matches taking place in South
Africa. Some have described it as a white noise, (appropriate don’t you
think?) that ruins their enjoyment of the game. Some players have
offered it as an excuse for not hearing the ref’s whistle (how
convenient). International broadcasting media have complained,
promising to devise ways of deleting the sound for the ‘refined’ ears
of their audiences.

It is the same old
same old. Why must you expect an African based World Cup to sound the
same as one in Europe, Asia or The Americas?

Is it not enough of
an imposition that in a country of pap, (corn meal fufu) fleis (meat)
and biltong, all you can get at a World Cup game in the heart of an
African city is hotdogs or corn dogs washed down with coke and wait for
it, a bottle of Budweiser; not Tusker, Star, Gulder or Sefrica’s own
Castle. Outside Soccer City on opening day there were mamas braing
(barbecuing) meat, boerewors (local giant sausages) serious gut fillers
to be sure. But nothing so appetizing gets through FIFA. What exactly
is the origin of a corn dog? Scatch that. I am not really sure I want
to know.

What I did do
instead was ask around for a random sample of national traits and
practices that have elicited a similar response from visitors as has
the vuvuzela, the sound of which has ricocheted across the world and
promises to be the signal feature of the 2010 World Cup.

ARGENTINA – don’t ask them for directions. It’s almost always wrong.

BRAZIL – meat, meat and meat in every meal.

CHINA the
propensity for Chinese taxi drivers to light up cigarettes in their cab
without checking if it is alright with you the passenger

DUBAI – People generally ignore the tourists

EGYPT – You can haggle everything from hotels to camel rides

ENGLAND- The
reticence of the English. Bland pepperless food! The question, “can I
call you “Yemi”? People thinking its ok not to try and say my name
properly. I try with theirs so they must also with mine.

EVERYWHERE – The inefficiency of air travel and the mechanical mindlessness of airport security checks.

FRANCE – “Je ne parle pas anglais”

ISRAEL – Border security, they are mean SOBs, even holding a U.S passport doesn’t help

ISTANBUL – the intense stare down

JAPAN: the
obsession with the Western world when their own culture is so rich and
beautiful. Try speaking to them in Japanese and they respond in
English. It faded when I realised my Japanese wasn’t that great and I
started to find the humor in their attempts at being non-Japanese. Like
the restaurant named “Derriere” or the chocolate bar named “Asse” to
name a few…

MALAYSIA…the very dirty Malaysian toilets

NIGERIA- Rice, Rice and More Rice at every f*&^king event you go to. Creativity anyone?

Generators.“That
is just how it is here.” People and their serio-comical posturing .The
funk of 40,000 years on people that should know better.

QUEBEC- The hatred
of everything non-French. Don’t bother speaking to them in English;
they will ignore you, even though they speak perfect English.

SENEGAL-Dakar – the
intense fish smell mixed with other odoriferous smells emanating from
Le Marche Soumbedioune on the Rue de Oakam

USA and SOUTHERN USA –Political correctness.Overly conscious about race. “God bless your heart. Where are you from?”

“I met a Nigerian once in the grocery store, do you know him?” The general lack of knowledge about the rest of the world.

Gum-chewing habits-
until I encountered winter. Their propensity for eating at the
slightest opportunity, until I became one of them.

Atlanta and Texas – “How y’all doing? You from Africa?”

SOUTH AFRICA- The accent, and yes vuvuzelas!