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Contrary to what some people think, women are top grade human beings. This explains why we always want to eat our cake and still have it in our hands! A woman would like her man to be a ‘man’, and at the same time, want him to be human. Now, what is the difference between the two? To many of the women that I have interacted with at one point or the other, being a man means fulfilling ALL the backbreaking, energy-sapping, nerve-wrecking societal expectations of the category known as ‘man’.

Though these expectations vary from place to place, the common elements may include bearing the sole responsibility for the provision of shelter (adequate or not); funding of formal education of the children; clothing for all; feeding; weekly salon costs and acting as driver in a situation where the family cannot afford a professional one. Others may involve meeting the obligations of the extended families both ways – basic needs, as well as costs of funerals, or sponsoring the education and wedding ceremonies of siblings. Similarly, he must not exercise his tear ducts or express himself in any ‘emotional’ manner. Moreover, being a ‘man’ may also mean ability to pummel one’s younger siblings to a pulp whenever they ‘offend’ madam, especially during courtship period. Similarly, it could show in engaging in a brawl at the slightest provocation, particularly if it is to ‘protect’ the woman. When a man can fulfil all these, then he qualifies as a ‘man’.

It is interesting that in addition to the heavy burden the man bears, most times suffering in silence, especially when he is still a ‘struggling man’, the same woman who benefits largely from his ‘suffering’ and enjoys her life at his expense, would still expect that the man will be ‘human’ or as they say, a complete gentleman. And what would this mean? Well, if a man respects the opinion of his partner/wife; shares household chores; relieves her of the burden of child-rearing by giving a helping hand from time to time; respects a woman’s dignity by not slapping her around sometimes (or all the times as in many cases) and supporting her to advance in her career; then he is a gentleman.

What most women fail to realise is that the law of reciprocity applies to most, if not every, situation. When you give something and receive in return. For instance, when a woman shares the burden of the responsibilities that are associated with societal expectations with her spouse/partner, he is more inclined to share the power and control levels with her. Some women want their partners to be ‘men’, as well as ‘gentlemen’ in one breath, whereas such women cannot share their own resources to alleviate their partners/spouses’ stress.

I always say that men are not born irrational or unfeeling, but have been conditioned that way through our actions. I am also sure that many of them would rather be a gentleman than be a man, but think they really have no choice in the matter, I believe that a woman should be aware of the differences between a ‘man’ and a ‘gentleman’ and make up her mind early enough on what she wants. This will also mean knowing the privileges that she may have to give up.

Thank goodness, I do not have to prove anything to anybody and I can express my emotions whichever way I please, as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others. Isn’t it pure delight to be a woman?