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What exactly is a Ministry of “Woman Affairs? Let
me explain my question further. Is it distinct from a Ministry of Man
Affairs? And just in case my state of confusion is not clear dear
reader, would such a Ministry of Woman Affairs be perfectly within its
rights to have a Department of Aunty Matters, not to talk of an Office
of O rishi rishi?

Surely this must be a peculiarly Nigerian
invention. We have ministries of universally recognised sectors of
governance such as works and housing that deal with areas of proper
concern for any nation desirous of organising itself and keeping pace
with the world community of nations of which we most proudly count
ourselves a part.

It is not as if we had decided to dispense with
all obfuscation and dubbed Mr. Odein Ajumogobia, Minister of Outside
Matter with a Department of Agaracha. In all other ways it seems we are
happy to keep pace with the rest of the world except when it comes to
the matter of the female gender where we find no other recourse but to
tell it like it is, to resort to the literal, and just put it out
there, abandoning all pretence at linguistic refinement. Okay just take
it like that: Women Affairs! Come to think of it a Ministry of Women
Issues would have confused the daylights out of any visiting emissary.
What with: “Yes I had two issues for my first husband and three further
issues for my second .God has been good!” Is there a single item of
concern to women that does not in some way involve a man, and vice
versa? Can we separate the importance of the role of women from the
importance of the role of men? Where would Umaru have been without
Turai and Turai without Umaru?

Look at all the allusions that have been made to
Goodluck and Patience and the attendant suggestion that one has been
the reward for the other. Of course the third party in this
relationship is the Nigerian people and the hope still springing in
spite of history, is that all the gifts that will accrue will be for
the good of Nigerians as a whole and not just the latest first couple.

Lets take a look back at the history of
nomenclature in the administration of our endlessly innovative country.
At one time we had this alphabet soup of a ministry, youth,
information, sports and culture. I think even social welfare was thrown
in there too. It sounded as if some guys were just impatient with the
whole business of dealing with anything that did not have the golden
glow of money to be bilked and contracts to be conceived. So they just
lumped these “small small” concerns together into some big for nothing
name. And here we are today with almost 50 percent of our population
comprising of youth and one hell of a problem on our hands if we do not
wake up to prospect of a future of lost generations, sporting talent
that is finding its way to other countries and energy and potential for
growth and resurgent patriotism left to waste.

Then we had that curious flirtation with minister
of and minister for. Suddenly people who were happy to dispense with
the finer points of English grammar, those niggling little prepositions
and definite articles, were all at once exercised by distinctions in
rank that could be harvested for political expediency to expand the
number of snouts at the trough.

The first time I heard the term woman used to
describe a female prototype was in reference to a tall statuesque
friend of mine. “That one na woman mountain,” this male said. If he had
just stopped at mountain I would have understood that it was merely a
reference to her height. But there was something grudging about the
tone and also something about it that objectified her.

The term Women Affairs quite apart from the fact
that it sounds as if it was not conceived with as much gravity as we
give to say the ministries of health or finance does suggest by the
vagueness of its title that we do not care very much about the issues
it is concerned with.

Seriously, how do you define Women Affairs as
distinct from the concerns of men, children and the aged? Who takes
care of these three groups in terms of day-to-day welfare and the
minutiae of tasks necessary to their well being?

Naming is serious business in our culture. It
expresses our hopes, embodies our prayers, carries our history and
affirms our identity. We all know deep in our hearts that the glue that
holds us together as a family, community, village, nation, polity, has
no gender. The hoopla about stronger or weaker is just that, useless
hoopla. It gives us something to joke about and adds that frisson to
relationships that makes for fun and excitement. But we all know deep,
down that this male superiority business is nonsense.

So, if na joke, stop am. We can do better than Ministry of Women Affairs!