Oga me, you dey
dia? Help me thank God Jehovah Almighty Jah o, wey nor let shame catch Zazu
Katelmega of Congo Brazzaville via Saudi Arabia to Abuja o.
Zazu my guy, nothing
do you. Na you biko..shege Zazu, dan buroba Zazu! Nack me gist abeg. My ears
dey burn for good news since wey this Lagos weather nor let man see road. Dem
don cut for you from the national cake abi dem don submit your name for mini-star
position?
Oga why you dey
talk like this, nor be me Zazu Katelmega dey submit people name to Active Presido. I dey kankpe jor. Congratulate
me, I don comot for Camp of No Action finally.
Which one be
that again, na everyday you dey come with new one.
I don comot for
Baba Go Slow camp. Na yesterday I resume my new duty for Goodluck side. I nor
fit tanda dey watch motor wey nor dey move and dey listen to cabalious complain.
Everyday na im fallen cabal dey come wail for madam, like say madam na Wailing
Wall for Israel abi where that wall dey sef. I never see beggy beggy men before
like this cabal people. The time wey dem think say na dem be god for Saudi
Arabia to Abuja, I nor see any of them cry like this o. Now wey God don dey
butter Zazu bread and im real man, Dr. Jonathan Ebele Esangbedo Osenobua-obulu Nigeria-onibaje
Goodluck, don enter throne na im dem wan come begin cry like small pikin wey im
rice throway. Abeg make dem carry go.
So you mean say
none of the ex-cabal go smell Goodluck government?
Oga paper wey
dem take clean yansh, dem dey take am wrap akara? Abi you don hear where man
cook pounded yam and okporoko-ogbono soup for person wey thief im wife? Small
pikin wey climb tree dey abuse im papa don forget say im go must come down
today. No, none of them wey disrespect my able chairman go smell Villa, as long
as me Zazu Katelmega remain the new CSO to Active Presido.
Ewooo…Jesus
Christ saviorize and baptize me in River Niger o! Zazu, dem don make you Chief
Security Officer?
Gbam! At once,
with alacrity na im dem gusau me into the position. Na so Villa dey shake since.
Abeg after make you help me thank aunty Patient o. That woman na able leader,
Mama P – P for prosperity, P for the people, P for power, P for Petroleum, P
for President, P for …
Eh eh Zazu e don do. Na so you first hail the other madam
so tey her head come swell pass gele, come begin take us do yeye. Abeg take am
easy with this new position wey you get so.
Ok Oga, I hear,
but helep me thank God o. This new regime dey sweet me too much. As I kak for
my new office na so people from all over the country dey come fill our office
like say na rag day for university. All of them dey beg – make my brother
minister, make my uncle minister, make my pikin SA, make my party member PA,
market nor be like that o. Na so oga Active Presido go just dey look them zooooo,
like fly wey enter man pikin palmwine glass. Im go just dey shake head. When
dem comot, im go call me and General…
Zazu who be
general?
General Gusau na,
haba! Anywho, na so AP go ask us wetin we think about the people. Na so General
go take head nod me make I use my special talent. My work na to reveal all
their secrets and wetin dem tell my former madam for Saudi Arabia. I go tell
oga say, nor mind that thief or nor mind that liar…na double agent or na
Man-must-wack im be. Na so AP go just put bad for the name with red biro like
headmaster wey dey mark arithmetic.
But Zazu, nor be
bad thing be this so? This people wey trust you before, now you dey reveal dem
secret wey go make dem nor be minister.
Oga nor be me
kill wetin dey smell o. Shebi we want make this country move forward? Me I don
tire to dey waka like snail. But sha o, if you see any ogbonge man wey fit sunction
something to close my mouth I go chill small.
So you want take
bribe Zazu?
Oga na the habit
wey I learn for the other side o. Abi you get any medicine wey go cure am for
me?
But you know say
oga Goodluck and Aunty Paypay nor like bribery?
Hahahahehehehahhaha-
Oga this na the thing wey I dey warn you put, the thing wey your eye nor see
nor dey talk am.
Ok, I understand
sha. So who dey the list?
I go holla you
tomorrow. Madam original parrot don enter our office. Make I hear the kain yarn
wey she go yarn now, so that I go nack NAFDAC number put for oga Active Presido.
Ok, goodnight
Zazu.
(Woman’s Voice)
But your Excellency, you know I was the only one that spoke out when others
were shilly-shallying – you can’t do
this to me, I have to have something meaningful for all the work I did for you…
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